


Lonely in Love

by Morgana_avalon



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-07 00:52:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 74,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18399794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana_avalon/pseuds/Morgana_avalon
Summary: Námo allowed Ecthelion to be reborn and the Captain of the Fountain has finally returned to Arda. After being raised in the Golden Wood, Mithrandir appoints Erestor to be Ecthelion's guardian/teacher. Erestor reluctantly accepts and finds his heart captured by a dark-haired, gray-eyed youngster.





	1. Chapter 1

Lonely in love

The night will fade, the sun will shine  
A new day - Lonely in love  
And light the way for you to find

New love

 

Lyrics by Crimson Glory

 

Part 1

 

“Elrond? I regret disturbing you, but Mithrandir has arrived unexpectedly and requests an audience.” Glorfindel entered his friend’s private chambers and remained standing in the doorway. He disliked disturbing the Lord of Imladris now that Elrond had finally been granted a moment of peace and quiet, but Mithrandir had sounded urgent.

 

Elrond looked up from the book he was reading. He had retired for the night only a few minutes ago and had looked forward to spending the evening alone. Estel, Arwen and the twins had demanded his attention most of the day and he felt drained. But not drained enough to deny his old friend a listening ear. “Aye, very unexpected indeed. Show him inside, Glorfindel, and then leave us.”

 

Elrond rose from his chair the moment Glorfindel closed the door behind him and the half-Elf reached for a robe, which he pulled over his night tunic. He had known Mithrandir for a very long time and knew the Maia wouldn’t seek out him if there wasn’t a very urgent matter to attend to. What had happened? He had felt no shift in the power balance. Sauron was still weak, and although his time would come in the future for now the Evil One rested, gathering his strength.

 

He fastened the robe with a belt and then poured two glasses of wine. Mentally he prepared himself for whatever ill tidings Mithrandir carried.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You can tell me, you know,” said Glorfindel, trying to make Mithrandir open up to him. “If there is a threat that endangers Imladris, I *should* know, my old friend. I am in charge of her defenses.”

 

Mithrandir smiled, warmly. He came to a stop beside Glorfindel, who halted in his tracks as well. Mithrandir raised his right hand and rested it on Glorfindel’s left shoulder. “Imladris is in no danger, my friend. Do not fret. It is not bad news I carry this time.”

 

Still not reassured, Glorfindel nodded, reluctantly. “I only have her best interest at heart.”

 

“I know you do. And like you defended Gondolin with your very life, you will defend Imladris until your dying breath.” Mithrandir squeezed Glorfindel’s shoulder reassuringly. “You are the best Captain Elrond can wish for.” Although he was tempted to let the real reason for his coming here slip, he kept his tongue, knowing it was still too early for Glorfindel to know the truth.

 

Glorfindel relented, opened the door to Elrond’s rooms and took a step back, allowing Mithrandir to enter. “I will remain close in case you need me.”

 

Mithrandir wanted to reassure Glorfindel again, but realized the Captain wouldn’t be denied; Glorfindel was determined to help. “If we need you we will call for you.”

 

Satisfied, Glorfindel closed the door behind Mithrandir after the Maia had entered Elrond’s rooms, and then waited for instructions in the corridor. Vexed, he stared at the door and wondered why Mithrandir and Elrond didn’t want him to attend this meeting and counsel them.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elrond advanced on Mithrandir with a genuinely warm smile on his face. Opening his arms, he bestowed a quick, but heartfelt hug on his friend. “Please, sit down and drink a glass of wine with me.” Mithrandir didn’t appear to be in a hurry, and Elrond grew hopeful that it would take the Evil One much longer to gather his strength. They seated themselves, and after he had handed Mithrandir his glass, Elrond said, “What brings you here at such a late hour?”

 

“Something unexpected has occurred,” said Mithrandir, sipping his wine and enjoying its sweet taste. Leaning back into the comfort of the chair, he studied his old friend. “Ecthelion has been allowed to return to the living. The former Captain of the Fountain dwells on Arda once more.”

 

Elrond raised an eyebrow, questioningly. “Are you certain?”

 

“I escorted him to the Gray Havens, where he is staying now.” Mithrandir sighed, deeply. “I could not tell Glorfindel that just yet, although I wanted to.”

 

Elrond nodded, thoughtfully. “Their love was beautiful and rare.”

 

“But times have changed,” replied Mithrandir, sipping more of the wine. “And I have been sent to fetch one of your subjects to teach Ecthelion the things he has forgotten and needs to relearn.”

 

“Who?” Elrond’s thoughts raced. He had surprisingly quickly accepted that Ecthelion had returned to them, knowing Mithrandir would never lie to him, and he was already trying to establish the identity of this ‘teacher’ Mithrandir had come for.

 

Mithrandir placed his now empty glass on the side table and probed Elrond’s eyes. “It is not you, my friend, neither is it Glorfindel. His history with Ecthelion would keep my charge from growing emotionally. Even unwillingly, Glorfindel’s presence would hamper his emotional development. Letting Glorfindel teach Ecthelion would be unwise.”

 

“Who else, then?” Elrond scooted closer, intrigued. His children had long reached majority, but lacked the experience to properly teach a young one yet.

 

“Your chief advisor, my friend. I am here for Erestor.”

 

Elrond’s surprise showed when his already raised eyebrow inched higher still. “Erestor?” He contemplated what he had learned so far. “So, you think that Erestor can teach Ecthelion what he needs to know? Aye, it is true; he is an accomplished scholar, advisor and teacher. He taught my children well, but I am loath to see him go. I depend on him for many things.” Erestor *was* his chief councilor!

 

“Only Erestor will do,” said Mithrandir, steadfast.

 

“How old is Ecthelion exactly?” Before he would permit Mithrandir to take Erestor to the Gray Havens, he required more detailed information!

 

“He is three years from reaching his majority.” Mithrandir carefully considered what to tell Elrond and what to keep from his friend. In the end, he decided to put his trust in Elrond and shared what he knew. “Celeborn and Galadriel raised him. Ecthelion has been among the Galadhrim for forty-seven years. He is their best kept secret. Celeborn and Galadriel raised Ecthelion as if he were their own flesh and blood.”

 

“I never suspected something like that was happening,” admitted Elrond. His curiosity had been piqued. “Then why do you require Erestor’s services? Celeborn and Galadriel can teach Ecthelion everything he needs to know.”

 

“There are reasons… More than one, my friend. I am not privy to them, though. The Valar did not entrust me with this particular knowledge. I have been sent here to fetch Erestor and to take him to the Gray Havens with me.”

 

“Will you stay with them, then?” Elrond refilled their glasses, uncertain what to make of this development.

 

“Nay, I will merely escort Erestor to the Gray Havens. He will be responsible for Ecthelion until my charge reaches his majority.” Mithrandir accepted the refilled glass and stared thoughtfully into the swirling, red liquid. “I wish I could tell you more, Elrond. But this is all I know.”

 

“It is not much,” said Elrond in a grumpy tone. “The thought of Erestor leaving Imladris does not please me. I wish to keep him here.” He had his reasons for wanting to keep Erestor with him!

 

Mithrandir inclined his head. “You would go against the wishes of the Valar? Is that wise?” He was missing something, but what? Why was Elrond so unwilling to temporarily part from Erestor?

 

“You are right, my friend. I cannot go against their wishes, but letting Erestor go pains me.” Elrond made his decision and rose from the chair. He walked over to the door, opened it, and called for Glorfindel who still lingered there. “Fetch Erestor for me.”

 

Glorfindel nodded, indicating he had understood and hurried away to do his Lord’s bidding. He couldn’t help but wonder why Erestor was being summoned when he was being excluded.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Erestor!” Glorfindel stormed into the library and immediately headed for the dark-haired advisor, who was seated beneath one of the windows. “Erestor!”

 

“Stop shouting, Glorfindel.” Erestor wasn’t inclined to avert his gaze from the incredible sunset that was coloring all of Imladris red and golden. “This is a moment of peace and beauty.”

 

“Not any more!” Panting slightly, Glorfindel came to an abrupt stop in front of Erestor. “Mithrandir is here.”

 

After sighing deeply, Erestor had to abandon the incredible golden sight, and looked at Glorfindel instead. “Why don’t you sit down and tell me what exactly upset you?” He raised a hand, gesturing for the blond to take a seat on the windowsill.

 

“No time! No time!” Glorfindel frantically shook his head. “Elrond told me to fetch you and you are coming with me – now. You are stalling!”

 

“Calm yourself!” Erestor probed Glorfindel’s azure eyes. “Don’t you think Mithrandir would have taken action by now if we were in danger?”

 

Frustrated, Glorfindel grabbed Erestor’s hand and pulled the raven-haired Elf to his feet. Once they were face to face, he said, “Erestor, the very fact that Mithrandir is here means there is trouble afoot. He comes here unexpectedly and demands an audience with Elrond. That sounds like urgent matters to me!”

 

Erestor gave Glorfindel a reassuring smile. “You worry too much, my dear friend.” Raising his hand, he bestowed a gentle caress onto the blond’s face. “This is not Gondolin. Imladris is in no immediate danger. Trust me, I know we are safe.” Glorfindel’s gaze wavered and briefly became unfocused. “There are no Balrogs to fight here; no fire drakes. We are safe.”

 

A shudder coursed through Glorfindel’s body and the warrior seemed to awaken from a trance. The frantic movement he had displayed moments ago disappeared and a calm expression appeared in his sapphire eyes. “I cannot help myself,” he explained in a shaky voice, “Imladris is so dear to me. I could not bear it if this magnificent valley befell the same fate as Gondolin.”

 

“Elrond and I watch over Imladris,” said Erestor, stroking a strand of Glorfindel’s fair hair. “If there is danger, we will tell you. You will be the first to know. You can trust us.”

 

Glorfindel forced a smile onto his face. “You are a good friend, Erestor.” He still had a hold on Erestor’s hand, but the grip had loosened during their conversation. “Elrond has required your presence. Apparently, you are needed.”

 

“And you are not?” Erestor realized Elrond and Mithrandir hadn’t allowed Glorfindel to remain present during their meeting; that explained the warrior’s stressful state. “They would ask for your advice if Imladris were in danger, Glorfindel. Calm yourself, all is well.”

 

Glorfindel clung to Erestor’s soothing words. His greatest fear – his worst nightmare – was that Imladris was destroyed the way Gondolin had been, and that he would lose this new family, which he had found here. “You should not keep them waiting.”

 

“Lead on, my friend,” said Erestor, still using the same soothing tone he had during their whole conversation. He liked Glorfindel and considered him a good friend. Soothing his friend’s worries was the least he could do. Following Glorfindel into the corridor, his mind began to work on the problem at hand. Maybe Glorfindel wasn’t as paranoid as he had made the blond believe. Mithrandir only visited with Elrond when something important demanded their attention. /I wonder what brought Mithrandir here this time./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel’s frustration mounted when Elrond sent him to the Hall of Fire to sit with the minstrels, whose songs the half-Elf knew usually soothed him, but Glorfindel wasn’t inclined to leave. He wanted to be present during this meeting!

 

“My good friend,” said Elrond, smiling warmly. “This is a matter of diplomacy and does not concern you. Trust me when I say no military action is required. Now go, and sit with your friends.”

 

Glorfindel left, reluctantly; his thoughts still trained on the very reason why Mithrandir had come here, but it seemed he wasn’t going to find out any time soon.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Mithrandir,” said Erestor, bowing respectfully when he came to a standstill opposite the Maia. “We were not expecting you.”

 

Mithrandir returned the gesture, showing his respect for the chief advisor by deeply inclining his head. “I had to act swiftly and didn’t have the time to announce my upcoming visit.”

 

Erestor seated himself in one of the comfortable chairs near the fireplace, which Elrond always kept going. Although none of them was susceptible to cold, Elrond loved the feel of the fire. He didn’t speak and waited for the half-Elf to sit down opposite him. Now that the three of them were comfortable, he waited for one of them to start this conversation.

 

Elrond moistened his lips. “Mithrandir is here on behalf of someone else.”

 

Erestor entwined his fingers and placed his elbows on the armrests of the chair. By studying Elrond’s body language he could tell that his friend was truly displeased. Whatever request Mithrandir had made had unnerved the half-Elf.

 

“The Valar allowed one of the dead to be reborn,” said Mithrandir, seeing Elrond’s reluctance to continue. “Ecthelion, Captain of the Fountain, has returned to Arda.”

 

Erestor managed to hide his surprise. Although, why was he surprised to begin with? Glorfindel had been allowed to return as well. “That is good news. We are in need of excellent warriors. Ecthelion is a force to reckon with.”

 

“Not yet,” whispered Mithrandir, chuckling softly. “At the moment he is a forty-seven years old Elfling – if I may still call him so! And he is in dire need of training. He needs to be trained in the art of diplomacy, and battle strategies. He knows how to wield his sword, how to fight, but he needs to take the next step so he may become a capable advisor.”

 

“Advisor?” Erestor didn’t completely succeed in eliminating the surprise from his voice. “Ecthelion is no advisor. He is a warrior!”

 

Mithrandir chuckled. “He can be both.”

 

Erestor pushed deeper into the comfort of his chair – brooding. “Tell me more, then.”

 

“These upcoming three years – before he will reach his majority – will hugely influence his future life’s decisions. That is why I want *you* to teach and counsel him.” Mithrandir easily caught the shock in Erestor’s eyes.

 

“You cannot be serious,” replied Erestor, who believed himself supported by Elrond, who was also shaking his head. “It has been decades since I last helped raised a child.”

 

“But you loved raising them! Teaching them! The twins look up at you, Estel is still amazed by your sheer knowledge and you regaled Arwen with your tales for hours! You might not want to admit this, but you are good with children.”

 

“So is Elrond! And Glorfindel!” Erestor’s eyes burned with dark flame. “And with forty-seven years of age you can hardly call Ecthelion a child!” Even more so than Elrond, Erestor was aware of Mithrandir’s tendency to scheme and manipulate to attain his goal. “What do you really want?”

 

“I want you to travel with me to the Gray Havens and take care of Ecthelion’s education these last three years.” Mithrandir realized Erestor needed more convincing than Elrond and he pulled his chair closer to the dark-haired advisor until only a few inches separated them. Ignoring Elrond for now, he concentrated on Erestor. “I trust in your judgment, Erestor. Your instincts always served you well. They kept us from making grave mistakes in the past.”

 

Erestor’s eyes narrowed, realizing only too well that Mithrandir was trying to manipulate him into cooperation. “You should ask Glorfindel.”

 

Mithrandir shook his head and sighed. “You know as well as I do that Glorfindel is liable at times, especially after nightmares tormented him at night. Do you really think it wise to assign him this task?”

 

Erestor hated feeling cornered. “You do it, then!”

 

“I cannot. My duties lie elsewhere as you know only too well.” Mithrandir could see Erestor was running out of options and knew the time had come to play his trump. “As you said yourself, Ecthelion is a force to reckon with. Do you really want to do nothing now and have an untrained warrior on your hands later? He needs to be focused and in control. We will need him when the Evil One awakens from his sleep. We need Ecthelion, Erestor, and I honestly think *you* have the necessary experience and patience to teach him.”

 

Erestor bit down a growl that threatened to leave his throat. “Elrond would do better than me.”

 

“Trust me, he would not.” Mithrandir deeply looked into Erestor’s brown eyes. Knowing he had to address whatever deeper reason was keeping the advisor from saying yes. “Why are you so reluctant to do this? Elrond is not exactly cooperative either.”

 

Elrond snorted, amused, but then grew serious again and exchanged a look with his chief advisor and confidant. “I told him nothing.”

 

“What should Elrond have told me?” Mithrandir frowned; this was one obstacle he hadn’t thought to encounter.

 

Erestor realized he had to make Mithrandir understand; he had to try, at least. “I do not wish to leave Imladris.”

 

“I can understand that,” said Mithrandir, honestly. “Imladris is an enchanting place.”

 

“There is more,” said Erestor, nervously moistening his lips. “I do not want to leave its inhabitants.”

 

/You cannot have a lover here!/ Mithrandir grew nervous.

 

“Elrond and his family have become my kin and I do not wish to part from them.” Erestor slowly rose from his chair and walked over to the window, staring into the dark and starless night.

 

“There is a reason why I am so protective of him,” said Elrond, unexpectedly.

 

“And what might that be?” His curiosity piqued, Mithrandir rose from his chair as well and joined Erestor in front of the window. “Why does Elrond feel you need protection?”

 

Erestor had hoped he wouldn’t have to disclose this to Mithrandir, but was left with no choice. “I had a mate once,” he started, his voice taking on a dream-like tone, “And when he died I almost joined him in death. It was Elrond who looked after me and gave me the strength to carry on without my beloved.” Erestor turned to look Mithrandir in the eye. “I was lonely for a long time and became depressed, but when Elrond married, and the children were born, I felt alive again. It is hard to feel listless when tiny feet are running through the house, Elflings jump onto your bed, tiny fingers pull at your braids…”

 

“But you have recovered since,” said Mithrandir, thoughtfully.

 

“It is Elrond and his children that keep me feeling alive. And then there is Glorfindel, of course,” Erestor added with a smile. “They are my family and they keep me from brooding, from slipping into melancholy and depression. I have no idea what will happen if I leave them. I don’t want to be alone again, Mithrandir. Don’t you understand?”

 

“You would not be alone,” said Mithrandir, quickly. “You will have Ecthelion.”

 

A sad smile graced Erestor’s features at hearing that. “He is forty-seven, Mithrandir. How can someone that young understand what I am fighting? And besides, it would not be fair to burden him with my pain.”

 

Mithrandir shook his head. “Erestor, you cannot hide in Imladris forever.”

 

“Who says I am hiding?” Anger showed in Erestor’s now black eyes. “I am *not* hiding! I merely wish to stay here!”

 

Mithrandir’s eyes colored with compassion and understanding. “Erestor, you need to do this.”

 

“Nay, I do not!” Erestor gathered his robes around him and tried to get past Mithrandir, but the Maia stepped in front of him, effectively blocking his path.

 

Realizing he needed to approach this from a different angle, Mithrandir said, “Think back to when Elrond’s children were little and needed you. Didn’t you enjoy having them close? Teaching them? Playing with them?”

 

“Of course I did! But Ecthelion is forty-seven! Hardly an Elfling anymore!” Erestor looked to Elrond for support, but the half-Elf had grown remarkably quiet and didn’t seem willing to support him in this matter any more.

 

“You did not let me finish,” said Mithrandir, chuckling softly. “Didn’t they come to you for advice when they grew older? Didn’t you spar with them? Something you had not done in centuries? Walk with them in the gardens? Took them into the forest to teach the art of survival there? Aye, Glorfindel joined you, but didn’t you enjoy those moments?”

 

Erestor bit his bottom lip. Everything Mithrandir had said was true, but he wasn’t inclined to confirm that fact.

 

“You can have that again with Ecthelion. Right now you are only focusing on the things that intimidate you. But what about the things that will bring you happiness and pleasure?”

 

Elrond nodded and Erestor realized his best friend was now agreeing with Mithrandir. “I am not going.”

 

“And then there are the Gray Havens. You lived there for a time, didn’t you?” Mithrandir didn’t wait for Erestor to nod and continued. “You know how beautiful it is there. Imladris is beautiful in her own right, but the Havens… the Sea. You loved the Sea once.”

 

Erestor’s resolve was crumbling. “Do not make me do this, Elrond,” he said, pleading with his Lord, who had the power to command him to go there. “I want to stay here.”

 

Elrond slowly rose from his chair and pulled his robe closer to his body. “Mithrandir made a valid point, Erestor. You cannot hide here forever.”

 

Erestor glared at his best friend. “I am *not* hiding!”

 

“But you are,” said Elrond, slowly. “I would rather not order you to go to the Gray Havens, but I will if you remain uncooperative. Think about it, Erestor. See this as a chance.”

 

Erestor continued to glare at the half-Elf. “A chance at what?”

 

Mithrandir cocked his head and managed to catch Erestor’s gaze. “You will only find out if you take this chance.”

 

Erestor began to understand that there was no way out for him. “I will go, but under protest!”

 

“Noted,” said Elrond, calmly. Coming to a halt beside Erestor, Elrond gently caressed the other Elf’s face. “I honestly think you should take this risk. You gain nothing by staying here. Your life will remain as it is. But by going to the Gray Havens you will allow change into your life. Maybe I have been too protective of you these last few millennia.” And he was grateful that Mithrandir had opened his eyes. “I cannot and will not shelter you from life any longer. Take this chance, my friend, and please do not see it as punishment, but as a way to enrich your life.”

 

“It will only be for the duration of three years,” added Mithrandir.

 

Erestor sighed deeply and averted his gaze. In the end, he looked into the dark of the night again, finding that a solitary star had appeared at the horizon, sparkling brightly. He knew he was being silly, but couldn’t help thinking, /Do you want me to do this, meleth?/ Each day, he still thought of his beloved, remembered his husband, and he wondered what his mate would want him to do. /I know what he would want me to do. He would want me to embrace this opportunity./ As he ended that particular thought the single star seemed to erupt with bright light. /What am I to do when everyone is against me?/ So he did the only thing he could do; he gave in. “I will go.”

 

Mithrandir opened his arms and embraced Erestor, who yelped in surprise. “You made the right decision!”

 

“I hope I did,” whispered Erestor, feeling a bit uncomfortable in Mithrandir’s arms. The Maia had never hugged him before! Looking over Mithrandir’s shoulder, he caught sight of Elrond’s amused smile. The half-Elf clearly approved of his decision. /My fate has been decided, then./ Erestor wasn’t certain what to make of this development.

 

Mithrandir released Erestor, beaming with pride and happiness. /You won’t regret this, Erestor. I know you won’t./


	2. Chapter 2

Lonely in love

The night will fade, the sun will shine  
A new day - Lonely in love  
And light the way for you to find

New love

 

Lyrics by Crimson Glory

 

Part 2

 

“You are really leaving!” Estel stared at Erestor in disbelief. He was the ‘youngest’ of Elrond’s children and it was only years ago that Erestor had stopped being one of his teachers. Therefore, he still felt attached to the gentle-hearted advisor, who had taught him how to read, write and the art of diplomacy, which Elrond had insisted he needed to master. “Must you? Can’t you stay?” He exchanged a pleading glance with Mithrandir, who had already mounted his horse and who was now waiting for Erestor to join him.

 

Erestor bit his bottom lip. “I wish I could stay, Estel, but I cannot.” Arwen’s hand unexpectedly found a way into his and she squeezed firmly. Their feelings, words and actions shown so openly, touched his heart, reminding him why he didn’t want to leave them in the first place. This was his home. They were his family!

 

“Erestor will return in time,” said Mithrandir, soothingly. “And who knows, maybe we can arrange for some visits.”

 

“Where are you going, Erestor?” Elrohir had taken hold of Elladan’s hand for support. He didn’t like it when changes took place in his life, and Erestor leaving Imladris was a huge change; one he didn’t know how to react to.

 

Erestor looked at Mithrandir. Was he allowed to disclose their destination to his friends?

 

“The Gray Havens,” said Mithrandir, directing a smile at Elrond. “If any of you decide to visit, please announce your intention first. Erestor might not be there permanently.”

 

“And what exactly is it that you are supposed to do there?” Elladan was suspicious for some reason. Why had Mithrandir chosen Erestor for this task? Surely there were other Elves who could carry out this duty?

 

Glorfindel felt the same way. Erestor was a good friend and he didn’t want to part from him! “Maybe I can accompany you?”

 

“No!” Mithrandir’s tone was a bit too urgent and the Maia regretted acting that impulsively. “Thank you for you kind offer, Glorfindel, but we will be quite safe.”

 

Glorfindel’s first reaction was to pout, but he then realized he shouldn’t waste these last few moments during which Erestor was still here with them. He reached for Erestor’s hand and rubbed the long fingers. “Please write? I would hate to lose contact with you.”

 

“Write to all of us,” said Arwen, softly. “We need to know how you fare.”

 

“I shall write,” promised Erestor, touched by the caring expression in their eyes. Glorfindel released his hand; allowing him to mount his mare. “I will miss you – each and every one of you.”

 

Arwen, who had managed to hold back her tears until now, failed, and her eyes released transparent droplets, which gracefully slid down her cheeks. She leaned into Elrohir, when her brother folded an arm around her shoulders, offering her the comfort she needed.

 

Elrond raised a hand in goodbye when Mithrandir pushed his heels into his horse’s flanks, steering the steed away from the courtyard.

 

Unable to keep his own tears in check much longer, Erestor followed Mithrandir, hiding his swimming eyes behind a curtain of ebony hair. Leaving behind the ones he loved, and who loved him back, was hard on him. He almost reconsidered and wanted to shout at Mithrandir to find someone else, but he had committed to this undertaking and couldn’t back out now. He successfully fought the urge to look over his shoulder and tried to erase the image that he had last seen from his retina – his friends waving goodbye and Arwen crying. He had to be strong now and concentrate on his new charge – Ecthelion.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You practically radiate restlessness and unease.” Mithrandir had hoped Erestor’s nerves would settle once they were on the road, but the advisor still acted edgy and nervous. Apparently, being away from Imladris was already taking its toll on the raven-haired Elf.

 

Erestor shifted closer to the fire they had built in the center of their improvised camp. Although neither Erestor, not Mithrandir felt the need to rest, their horses did, and they were now grazing and resting. Erestor’s gaze shifted from the campfire to Mithrandir. “I never wanted to do this.”

 

“What is it that you fear?” Mithrandir didn’t want to pry, but it was important he knew what troubled Erestor. The advisor had no idea just how big a part he was going to play in Ecthelion’s life! But Mithrandir did…

 

“Loneliness,” said Erestor in a moment of unexpected honesty. “I don’t do well when I am alone.” Erestor pulled his knees close to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. Resting his head on top of his knees, he stared at the Maia, wonderingly. “My thoughts turn dark when I am alone.”

 

Mithrandir’s eyes narrowed. “Are you alone now, then?”

 

“Nay, you are here with me, but I crave the company of the ones I love and trust.”

 

“You don’t trust me?” asked Mithrandir; disappointment showed clearly in his voice.

 

“Nay, I do trust you, but… I miss my family.”

 

“Elrond… the children… maybe even Glorfindel?” ventured the Maia.

 

“Aye, all of them.” Erestor gathered his traveling cloak closer around his frame. Not because he was cold, but because it presented him with a safe and secure feeling. “Why don’t you tell me about Ecthelion? I should know what to expect.”

 

Mithrandir nodded in approval. “Aye, you should.” He uncovered his pipe, stuffed and lit it, and began to smoke. “Ecthelion is every ounce the valiant warrior he was when he died defending Gondolin. Much younger, but also much the same. He is courageous and very intelligent. You will find pleasure and fulfillment in teaching him.”

 

Erestor probed Mithrandir’s eyes. “Why do you need me?”

 

“You are wise, Erestor. You have lived a long time and you have loved and lost. Ecthelion needs your compassion and your wisdom. But most importantly he needs a companion.” Mithrandir saw the puzzled expression in the chocolate brown eyes and explained. “During his stay in the Golden Wood he was raised rather isolated. There were no other children allowed close to him and his only companions were warriors many ages older than he was. He needs to learn how to build a lasting relationship and how to commit to one. You, Erestor, faced the same problem in the past.”

 

Erestor blinked. “That is why you choose me?”

 

“Ecthelion and you have much in common although you do not realize this yet. His pain and yours are similar. You lost your husband and Ecthelion lost Glorfindel – not to mention he also lost his life.”

 

“You choose wrong.” Erestor briefly closed his eyes. “How am I supposed to teach him something I never quite mastered myself? My heart still hurts, remembering the love --” Erestor stopped himself and his eyes opened abruptly, focusing on Mithrandir. Did the Maia know the truth?

 

“Your love for E—”

 

“Don’t say his name! Just don’t!” Erestor exploded with emotion. “He belongs in the past.”

 

“A past you cannot let go,” chided Mithrandir in a gentle voice. “Stop holding on to a love long lost, Erestor, and find love in the present. It is not your destiny to be alone for the rest of your life. He would not want that.”

 

So Mithrandir *did* know about his lost love! “You will keep quiet, won’t you? I don’t want anyone to know and that includes Ecthelion. My past is mine.” Erestor placed more wood onto the fire and stirred it to a higher flame.

 

“I won’t tell him. I won’t tell anyone. I respect you, Erestor. Your past, and your desire to keep the past in the past, where it belongs.” Mithrandir stretched his long legs and rested his back and head against the trunk of a tree. Smoking his pipe, the smoke escaped his lips. He studied Erestor for some time, hoping he had reassured the advisor that his past was safe with him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion was excited! Today, he would finally meet his new tutor – Chief Advisor Erestor. During his long years in the Golden Wood, the Lord and Lady had always spoken the advisor’s name with great respect. To finally meet such an accomplished Elf made him nervous. He hoped he wouldn’t disappoint Erestor and he was determined to be the best student he could.

 

He was only three years short on reaching his majority, and had already gained the body and composure of the warrior he had once been. Long, raven hair framed the slightly tanned face and playful locks danced against the small of his back. His large, gray eyes twinkled with energy and curiosity, and were always trained on his sparring partner when working out.

 

When Mithrandir had first told him about Erestor, he hadn’t known what to make of this development. He had lived with Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel for his entire life and now this fabled wizard was taking him to the Gray Havens to be taught by Lord Elrond’s Chief Advisor! In the end, he had decided to look upon this as a challenge – one he was determined to master.

 

Excitedly, he hopped from one foot onto the other, and strained his neck to see in the distance. If Mithrandir and Erestor’s journey had gone accordingly to plan they would arrive today and he had been on the look out for them since early this morning.

 

Maybe he was a tad too early and they wouldn’t arrive until this evening? His features darkened with impending disappointment and he sat down on one of the rocks, idly twirling a strand of his hair between his fingers.

 

He had already learned a great deal during his stay in the Golden Wood and he wondered what else Erestor could teach him. Lady Galadriel had taught him how to read and write. Lord Celeborn had played with him when he was a toddler and once he had grown older, the elder Elf had taken it upon him to teach him to ride a horse and use his weapons. Haldir and his brothers had joined them later, teaching him to use his bow, fight bare-handed, and they had also taken him into the woods to teach him how to survive there.

 

He had enjoyed a splendid education and had been raised like an Elven Prince. Protocol, table manners, diplomacy; those had been essential part of his upbringing. Ecthelion had been happy during those years, but the one thing he had always missed was having a friend – a real friend.

 

Often, he wondered about his real family. Did he have any siblings or was he an only child? What had happened to his parents? Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel had told him – when they had judged him old enough – that he wasn’t their flesh and blood, but that his fëa was noble and old. They had never told him the identity of his parents or what had happened to them.

 

For some time he had resented them for that, but in the end he had accepted their judgment. He had grown to love and respect them and knew they would never do something to willingly hurt him.

 

So he had grown up surrounded by warriors, and the Lord and Lady of the Golden Wood had been his parents. There had seldom been children around, and in those rare moments that he had heard their voices from a distance, he had never been allowed to play with them. At times, the Lord and Lady’s protectiveness had felt smothering.

 

One side-effect of his upbringing was his extreme curiosity when introduced to strangers. And meeting Erestor filled him with a great curiosity and the desire to get to know him. After all, they would spend the next three years together!

 

Plucking at the fabric from his green tunic, he lifted his eyes to scan the horizon once more. This time his vigilance was rewarded when he made out two small forms in the distance. /They are here!/ Unable to contain his curiosity and excitement any longer, he jumped to his feet, raised his arms and waved at them. “Mithrandir!” The Maia had become a good friend, and although he had learned at an early age that the wizard’s appearance was deceiving, he loved seeing Mithrandir in this form. It had started when they had first met. Ecthelion had broken loose from Celeborn’s hold and had made his way over to the Maia, still swaying on his tiny, slightly chubby legs. He had been a toddler at that time and he had hugged Mithrandir’s right leg tightly. His action had delighted the wizard and the Maia had lifted him, after prying his possessive, little fingers loose from his leg. His fingers had quickly found a way into Mithrandir’s gray hair, giggling and chuckling delightedly. When he had grown older, he had begun to understand what a remarkable being Mithrandir really was and he had felt honored having him for a friend.

 

And now Mithrandir was back! /With Erestor!/ Ecthelion broke out into a run and descended the hill, quite eager to meet his new tutor.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“That is Ecthelion,” announced Mithrandir, chuckling as well at seeing the youth’s enthusiasm. “A bundle of bright, unbridled energy. He is a delight, Erestor.”

 

Erestor smiled, pleasantly surprised at seeing Ecthelion’s form running toward them. Even from this distance he made out the sparkle in the gray eyes and the elegance and strength in the other Elf’s movement. “He much resembles the warrior he once was.” He had met Ecthelion once during his time in Gondolin and even back then he had admired the raven-haired Elf. But this wasn’t the same Elf. This Ecthelion had experienced different events in these forty-seven years and comparing him to the Captain he had once been wouldn’t do him justice.

 

Ecthelion had reached them by now and came to a stop, panting softly. “Mithrandir!”

 

Mithrandir laughed, amused, and dismounted. The moment his feet touched the ground, he found his arms full with excited Elf, who bestowed a tight hug on him.

 

“You are back!” Ecthelion smiled, brilliantly, and his eyes probed the Maia’s. “I have missed you!”

 

“And I missed you too,” said Mithrandir, good-naturedly. “You have been waiting for us.”

 

“Since early this morning!” Ecthelion nodded, firmly. “I hoped you would arrive today!” Ecthelion’s gaze now shifted from Mithrandir to Erestor.

 

Erestor studied Ecthelion in turn and found he was facing an adult, even though Ecthelion was still three years short of his majority. The fëa that shone from within those gray eyes didn’t belong to an Elfling, but to an ancient soul. Erestor smiled reassuringly and then slid out of his saddle, gracefully coming to stand still beside Mithrandir. “Greetings, Ecthelion. I am very pleased to meet you.”

 

Erestor’s words broke the ice and Ecthelion grinned, impishly. “My Lord Erestor, I am honored to meet you.” He inclined his head in respect and then his twinkling eyes locked with the advisor’s. “I have been looking forward to your arrival.”

 

Mithrandir chuckled. “I reckon you grew bored, being here on your own?”

 

“Oh, yes! I had no one to talk to!” He could have gone to the haven itself and mingled with the people there, but he still felt somewhat shy. He had judged it wiser to stay in the house Mithrandir had assigned to him and had spent these last few weeks reading, watching the sun set, and singing. As long as he could remember everyone had told him what a lovely singing voice he had and he sang whenever someone requested a song. Music was an essential part of his life – one he hoped Erestor would share with him. “I am Ecthelion,” he said, introducing himself, “And I am your new student.”

 

“You are eager to learn, then?” Erestor smiled, pleased. Ecthelion radiated strength, valor, and honesty. He had instantly taken a liking to the younger Elf. “And I am Erestor.”

 

“Mithrandir told me about you, my Lord,” said Ecthelion in voice that suddenly turned timid. “I hope I won’t disappoint you. Mithrandir told me you also taught Lord Elrond’s children.”

 

Erestor raised his right hand and brushed a mischievous, raven strand of hair away from Ecthelion’s face. “You are eager to learn, Ecthelion. Such eagerness ensures you will be an excellent student.” He hoped his words would reassure the younger Elf.

 

Mithrandir nodded, absentmindedly, approving of Erestor’s words and tone. /I chose well. These two already like each other./

 

“May I show you the way to our new home?” Ecthelion shuffled his feet, still feeling a bit nervous. Erestor seemed very likable, and he hoped they would become friends, but the advisor was much older, and Ecthelion was afraid Erestor wouldn’t like befriending someone as young as him.

 

“Of course,” said Erestor, easily picking up on Ecthelion’s nervousness. “I am curious, you know.” At those words, Ecthelion gave him a stunning smile that reached and warmed his heart.

 

Ecthelion managed to take hold of the reins of Erestor’s mount and began to climb the hill, waiting for Erestor and Mithrandir to follow. He walked a few feet in front of them and heard them whisper.

 

“He is a handful,” said Erestor, finding it hard to keep his amusement from his voice.

 

“He is young, energetic and eager,” replied Mithrandir, who gave Erestor a look that said ‘I told you so’. “And very, very curious.”

 

Erestor lowered his voice further, so Ecthelion wouldn’t hear him. “You were right; I will enjoy teaching him.”

 

Mithrandir’s eyes burst with pleasure. “Ask him to sing for you tonight. You will find delight in his voice as well.”

 

“Ah, yes,” whispered Erestor, recalling the stories woven around Ecthelion’s voice. “I have never heard him sing before. I might ask him.”

 

Ecthelion had been forced to strain his hearing to the maximum, but it had enabled him to catch their words. He would sing for both of them tonight.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor explored his new home. He would live here for the next three years and found he liked the charming, little cottage. There were two spacious bedrooms, a nice bathroom, kitchen and living room. It was perfect.

 

“I hope your room pleases you,” whispered Ecthelion, blushing weakly. He had cleaned the room, removed the dust and put fresh linen on the bed, as he wanted Erestor to feel comfortable and welcome here. “When Mithrandir stayed with me we spent most of the day either outside or in the living area.” He only went to his room to sleep and he hoped Erestor would enjoy his company as much as Mithrandir did.

 

Ecthelion’s breath suddenly caught. “Is that a harp?”

 

Erestor turned and nodded once. “Aye, it is.” He uncovered the instrument from the saddle bag. His long, agile fingers tenderly caressed the carved wood. “It was a gift from Lord Elrond. He gave it to me on a winter eve, two millennia ago. I have seldom played though, rarely having the time to indulge.” 

 

“Do you also sing?” Ecthelion’s heart fluttered madly and his enthusiasm was reflected in his eyes, which had turned a lighter shade of gray.

 

“It has been a while,” replied Erestor, gently. “Maybe I will find the time to do so here.”

 

“I hope so!” Ecthelion beamed with pleasure and impatiently moved from one foot to the other. His first passion was music and he would love to share it with Erestor.

 

“Ecthelion! Give Erestor a moment to unpack.” Mithrandir, knowing from personal experience that Ecthelion would be hovering close to Erestor, chuckled. Ecthelion was a rare jewel; a true gift from the Valar. And they would need him so badly in the upcoming war!

 

“I am sorry, but Mithrandir…” Ecthelion was inwardly torn. He didn’t want to leave Erestor, but couldn’t disobey the Maia either. In the end, obedience won and he quickly excused himself.

 

Erestor watched the younger Elf with interest. He had imagined Ecthelion to be many things, but this youthful enthusiasm had even taken him aback – no easy feat. How could anyone not like Ecthelion?

 

And he understood Glorfindel perfectly. The blond warrior’s love and dedication had taken on mythical proportions throughout these last millennia, which were frequently addressed in poetry and song. The two Captains had been devoted lovers.

 

Erestor sat down, recalling what Mithrandir had told him. Upon Ecthelion’s rebirth it had been decided by Galadriel, Celeborn and Mithrandir, that part of the truth was to be kept from Ecthelion. Ecthelion knew he possessed a reborn fëa and that he had been a warrior of some renown in his first life, but everything concerning Gondolin and Glorfindel had been kept from him.

 

Mithrandir had forbidden him to mention the hidden city and Glorfindel until the very day that Ecthelion would reach his majority.

 

And like Ecthelion, Erestor decided to trust in their judgment. He greatly respected the Lord and Lady of the Golden Wood, and Mithrandir. He just wished he knew their reasons for keeping these things from the young Elf.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I didn’t know you could cook this well.” Erestor placed the napkin onto the table and leaned back, feeling pleasurably full. The red snapper had been delicious. “You should give Elrond’s cook that recipe!”

 

Mithrandir laughed loudly. “I picked up on some things during my life here in the Havens where there is always fish in abundance! But don’t get used to this! From tomorrow on, Ecthelion and you have to cook your own dinner. This was an exception.”

 

“A very welcome exception.” Erestor saw Ecthelion smile and felt at peace. Why had he protested coming here so vehemently? He instinctively knew he would like living here – would like teaching Ecthelion. The only thing he had to be careful of was not to mention Gondolin and Glorfindel. /But what will happen when he reaches his majority? And why keep this from him in the first place?/ Erestor probed Mithrandir’s eyes and realized the wizard knew what he was thinking.

 

/I have my reasons./ Mithrandir cast the words into Erestor’s mind, not seeking to convince, but reassure him. /All will be revealed in due time. Trust me./

 

Erestor caught Ecthelion’s puzzled look and smiled. The young Elf was alert and had realized some silent communication was taking place.

 

Ecthelion wished they would confide in him. Subconsciously, he knew there were things – important things – that Mithrandir had never told him and which he should know. But he had been raised too well – too loyally to question the Maia’s motives. Uncovering his harp, he cleared his throat. “A song, perhaps?”

 

“Ah, yes.” Erestor nodded encouragingly. “Please play and sing for us.” He was curious to find out if Ecthelion’s voice was as enchanting as history claimed it to be.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor sighed when Ecthelion stopped singing. During the song a spell had been woven around him and it was hard to free himself of the enchantment. “Your voice is exquisite,” said Erestor, paying his new student his first compliment.

 

“I will sing for you each evening, then!” exclaimed Ecthelion, feeling proud now that he had pleased Mithrandir and Erestor. He glanced at Erestor, but then looked away again – still feeling strangely shy. /I like him. Our time here will be blessed./


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

 

Erestor stretched at leisure and tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. He had slept surprisingly well, considering his tendency to have sleepless nights when staying in a strange place.

 

Arien’s rosy beams playfully entered his bedroom and danced against the beige of his walls. Erestor indulged himself by staying in his bed a few minutes longer and stared at the ceiling. Suddenly, he realized he could hear the Sea from here and a smile formed on his face. He instinctively knew he would be happy here.

 

“My Lord Erestor?” Ecthelion hesitantly knocked on the door to his new teacher’s room. He wasn’t certain Erestor was awake yet, but he didn’t want to leave the cottage without telling the elder Elf first. He didn’t want Erestor to worry when he found him gone.

 

“You may enter, Ecthelion.” Erestor popped himself up onto his elbows.

 

The door opened and Ecthelion shuffled inside. Erestor was partly hidden beneath the sheets and he couldn’t help but grin at finding the elder Elf had gone asleep with his clothes still on. “You must have been tired.”

 

Erestor nodded once. “And too lazy to change my clothes for the night.” Erestor pushed back the sheets and got to his feet, stretching in a cat-like fashion. “I reckon Mithrandir has already left us?”

 

“Aye.” Ecthelion remained near the doorway, not wanting to infringe on Erestor’s privacy in whatever way. “He left before sunrise.”

 

“And why are you here?” Erestor poured water in the bowl. After splashing his face, he looked in the mirror to read Ecthelion’s expression, as the younger Elf now stood behind him.

 

“I wanted to inform you that I am going for my morning run.” Ecthelion had dressed in a comfortable shirt and leggings. His hair was combed, but unbraided, as it befitted an Elf who hadn’t reached his majority yet.

 

“Your morning run?” Erestor frowned; Glorfindel had told him more than once to spend more time outside instead of locking himself up in his study.

 

“Aye, my Lord, and I did not want you to worry when you found me gone.”

 

“My Lord?” Erestor chuckled. He had noticed Ecthelion calling him that before, but had been too excited and tired to address the matter. “I am no Lord, Ecthelion!”

 

Ecthelion blushed. “What am I to call you, then?”

 

“How about Erestor?” Erestor turned and smiled warmly. “Would you mind some company on your run?” Now that he was to stay here for the next three years he should use the opportunity to work on his condition. He had the feeling he would be spending a lot of his time outside with Ecthelion. The youngster struck him as very active and he wouldn’t be surprised to find himself sparring with Ecthelion. /If I am the only other Elf here, I will have little choice. His training must continue./

 

“Mind?” Ecthelion practically beamed with happiness when he realized that Erestor wanted to join him. “Not at all!”

 

“Give me five minutes to get ready.” His clothes needed changing and his braids had come loose during the night. He needed to put them in order first.

 

“I will wait for you in the kitchen! Maybe you would like to eat or drink something before we leave? I never do well on an empty stomach.”

 

“Tea would be nice… Maybe some bread and cheese?” suggested Erestor, who now took hold of his comb. It was a good thing he had already unpacked; now he didn’t have to go looking for it.

 

“But of course!” With youthful enthusiasm, Ecthelion ran down the corridor toward the kitchen.

 

Erestor chuckled, softly. “I have the feeling that my stay here will be nothing like I expected it to be!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor wondered why each bite he took was being watched with such great interest on Ecthelion’s part. He had almost finished his sandwich when he realized Ecthelion was just as curious as he was. He should use these next few days to get to know his charge. /And I will have to open up to him as well./

 

“Are you ready?” Ecthelion burst with energy and jumped up from his chair.

 

“Aye, I am ready.” Erestor took one last sip of his tea and rose from his chair. “You will have to pace yourself, Ecthelion. It has been quite some time since I ran frequently.”

 

“I am certain you will manage,” said Ecthelion, good-naturedly. He left the cottage and started doing the stretching exercises Celeborn had taught him many years ago.

 

Erestor leaned against the doorway for a moment, then closed the door behind him and joined his young charge. “Maybe you can show me around the Havens? I do not know my way around yet.”

 

“I have not been that often in the city myself,” admitted Ecthelion, “But I know enough of our surroundings to ensure we won’t become lost.”

 

Erestor jogged after Ecthelion when the younger Elf moved away from the cottage. Within minutes they had established a nice pace – not too fast, not too slow.

 

“I like the Havens,” said Ecthelion, trying to involve Erestor in conversation. “I like the sound of the Sea, the smell.”

 

Erestor nodded once. “It is very beautiful here – peaceful even.” The terrain became uneven and he had to pay more attention to where he was putting down his feet. To his delight, he noticed that they were heading for the haven itself. It was still very early in the morning and not many people were awake yet. They made their way down the harbor, occasionally stopping when Ecthelion told him about a particularly interesting boat.

 

“I like coming here, but not when it is crowded,” said Ecthelion. Within the next few hours the harbor would grow swarmed with merchants, house wives, sailors and maids. That was when he avoided coming here.

 

Erestor understood, perfectly. He disliked crowds as well. Unfortunately, in his role as advisor he frequently had to deal with them. Ecthelion surprised him by moving away from the harbor again, choosing a rocky path that would take them to a higher setting.

 

“You will have an excellent view from up there,” said Ecthelion, pointing out a rather steep slope to Erestor.

 

“You like it here,” said Erestor, when they stood on the edge of the slope, overlooking the Gray Havens.

 

“Don’t you?” Ecthelion took in the lovely sight. “My father told me about the Sea-longing that sometimes takes the elder Elves. Have you ever felt the call of the Sea?”

 

Erestor was about to answer that question, when his curiosity was aroused. “Your father?” He wished he hadn’t asked, seeing the pained expression in the gray eyes.

 

“I referred to Lord Celeborn.” Feeling depressed, he sat down on one of the rocks. He stared at the eternal motion that was the Sea and then shrugged his shoulders. “I do not know my real parents. No one ever told me who they are. I look upon the Lord and Lady of the Golden Wood as my parents.” At least, in that way, he still had parents.

 

“I am sorry to hear they never told you. That must have hurt you.” Erestor sat down beside Ecthelion and was reminded of the conversations he’d had with Estel, who had gone through a similar experience. Elrond had waited with telling Estel the complete truth until he had judged his foster-son ready to face his destiny.

 

Ecthelion leaned forward, picked up a pebble and turned it between his fingers. “I wish I knew if I had any siblings,” he said, absentmindedly. “I love Galadriel and Celeborn as if they were my own parents, but I would have liked to know the truth.”

 

Erestor could only guess at why the couple had decided against telling Ecthelion. Maybe they had thought it didn’t matter as Ecthelion was destined to live a life away from his family? Still, it sounded cruel to him. “I understand.”

 

“Do you?” Ecthelion looked at Erestor, thoughtfully.

 

“I do,” confirmed Erestor. “Lord Elrond’s foster-son experienced these feelings as well and we talked about them for years.”

 

“It is easy to talk to you,” said Ecthelion in his unguarded enthusiasm. “I was a bit worried when Mithrandir told me about you. I do not know you and I was afraid you would be distant, authoritative, and…” He grew quiet, realizing his fears hadn’t come true. “I like you.”

 

“And I like you!” Erestor reached out with his right hand and ruffled the younger Elf’s long hair. “But this won’t get you out of today’s lesson.”

 

Ecthelion sighed. “I do not like being confined to the house.”

 

/I bet you do not,/ thought Erestor, fondly. “I will design a schedule that will give you equal time outside. Is that acceptable?” He said those last three words in a teasing voice.

 

“Oh yes!” Ecthelion nodded, fervently. “And will you also train me? Spar with me? Teach me new maneuvers?” Suddenly, he realized something. “But you are a scholar… A teacher.” Did Erestor even know how to wield a sword?

 

“Put your worries to rest,” said Erestor, smiling. “It has been millennia since I fought last, but I am confident that I can still keep up with you.”

 

“You are a warrior, then?” Ecthelion inched closer, staring excitedly at Erestor. “Did you bear witness to any of the great battles?”

 

“I did. I fought at Mount Orodruin during the Battle of the Last Alliance. Is that war grand enough for you?” Erestor was teasing, and he was happy to see Ecthelion took it in stride.

 

“You fought Sauron?” Unable to remain seated any longer, Ecthelion jumped to his feet, wielding an imaginary sword. “Did you kill any Orcs?”

 

“More than I could count,” replied Erestor. “But such a battle does not consist of glory alone, Ecthelion. I lost many loved ones in that war.” He didn’t want to remember his husband dying in his arms, but the image came uninvited.

 

Ecthelion grew worried, seeing the distant expression in Erestor’s eyes. “My Lo…” He quickly corrected himself. “Erestor?” He moved his hand in front of the elder Elf’s face, but Erestor didn’t react. Growing worried, he shook the other Elf slightly. “Erestor!”

 

Erestor’s thoughts returned to the present and he shook his head, as if trying to rid himself of the memories. At seeing Ecthelion’s worried expression, he immediately soothed his charge. “I was lost in thought. There is nothing for you to worry about.”

 

“I am sorry if my questions brought back unpleasant memories.” Ecthelion berated himself privately. Of all people *he* should know to be more careful! Didn’t nightmares plague him at night – nightmares that showed him death and destruction?

 

“We should return to the cottage,” stated Erestor, getting to his feet again. “I desire a bath.”

 

Ecthelion grinned, unexpectedly. “There is no bathtub in the house.”

 

Erestor’s eyes widened with surprise. “There isn’t?”

 

“I reckon the builders didn’t think they would need one, with the Sea at their doorstep.”

 

Erestor shook his head. “Does this mean we will have to go swimming?”

 

“If you want to bathe, aye.” Ecthelion came to stand beside his new teacher. “Do you mind?”

 

“The water will be cold,” argued Erestor, not pleased with the prospect of having to bathe in the Sea.

 

“We Elves do not feel the cold!” Ecthelion was amused and grinned.

 

Erestor shrugged. “There is too much water. I prefer a bathtub.”

 

Ecthelion chuckled. “Maybe you can have one made?”

 

“Maybe I will,” said Erestor, steadfast.

 

Ecthelion began to run when Erestor took the lead. “Rain might solve your problem – providing you with a shower.”

 

Erestor growled softly; he preferred some privacy when bathing, but it looked like he wouldn’t get any for the next three years. /Three *long* years!/

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“The water is not that cold! Really!” Ecthelion, who had been swimming under water now surfaced again. He studied Erestor, who was still dressed, standing undecidedly on the shore. It almost felt like the elder Elf was waiting for something.

 

Erestor was still getting used to the idea of having to bathe in the Sea. He had been quite fond of his bathtub in Imladris and wished he had somehow taken it with him to the Havens. “Bathing in the Sea,” he mumbled in a disapproving voice. Growing aware of Ecthelion’s eyes on him, he almost growled, “Can I have some privacy?”

 

“Privacy?” Ecthelion’s eyes widened. /Privacy? Oh, he wants me to leave!/ Ecthelion felt a bit confused, as he had always bathed with Celeborn, Haldir and his brothers, and whatever Elf was present at the time. Why did Erestor want privacy? But, he would oblige the elder Elf. Celeborn had taught him to always respect his elders.

 

Erestor cursed privately when Ecthelion left the water. The younger Elf was naked, already well-muscled and remarkable lean. Involuntarily, he averted his eyes, unwilling to pry.

 

His teacher’s behavior puzzled him, but Ecthelion continued to dry his skin and then slipped into the clean clothes he had brought with him. “I am dressed,” he said, realizing why Erestor appeared embarrassed.

 

Erestor released a deep sigh. Ecthelion’s reactions and look told him that the younger Elf was puzzled, and he realized he had to explain. “It is not that I am ashamed of my body,” he started, weakly, “But…”

 

“You do not have to explain yourself to me.” Ecthelion managed a reassuring smile. “The Sea is all yours. I will have lunch ready when you return to the house.”

 

“Thank you,” said Erestor, strangely touched by the younger Elf’s considerate behavior.

 

“Enjoy the bath!” Ecthelion grinned, wickedly, and marched back to their home, leaving Erestor alone with his precious privacy.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The water wasn’t cold and the waves tenderly brushed against his skin. The sky was blue – cloudless – and Arien shone brightly, warming him with her beams. And suddenly he regretted asking for his privacy. For Ecthelion had stayed, the younger Elf would be chatting contently, and driving away his loneliness. Rinsing his hair, Erestor wondered about the amazing speed with which the younger Elf had conquered his heart. When he had left Imladris he had resigned himself to his fate, but things had developed differently.

 

He could see Ecthelion and him become good friends. He would most certainly enjoy teaching such a bright student, but knowledge wasn’t the thing Ecthelion thirsted for. That was friendship and close companionship.

 

He sighed again, looked at the sky and wondered what these next three years would bring. He had seldom felt this lost – and found at the same time.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I am ready for my first assignment,” announced Ecthelion. The younger Elf sat opposite Erestor in the living room with the oak table in between them. In front of him lay pen, ink, paper and a number of books. “What do you want me to do?”

 

Erestor, once more dressed in burgundy robes, and with neatly braided hair, probed the depths of Ecthelion’s gray eyes. “I want you to write an essay about your life. Summarize your first few years and elaborate when addressing important events in your life. Also pay attention to spelling and grammar.”

 

Ecthelion frowned at hearing his first assignment. “Why my life?”

 

“I need to get to know you, Ecthelion. Aye, Mithrandir gave me some information, but I require more details. I need to know what subjects you already mastered and in which you need tutoring.” Ecthelion fascinated him and he wished to get to know him better.

 

“I can do that,” stated Ecthelion, confidently.

 

“You have until dinner.”

 

“You will have to prepare dinner, then,” said Ecthelion in a wicked tone. “I will be working on this paper until the very last minute.”

 

Erestor realized his mistake that moment. Ecthelion was taking advantage of his assignment, pretending he needed until dinner to finish. /He won’t stop writing until the very moment that I announce dinner. He is very intelligent – this one./ Erestor didn’t mind though; he liked a challenge.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It had been decades since Erestor had last cooked, and he felt quite proud of the result. The crab meat was tender, the vegetables still possessed their original color and the bread hadn’t burned in the oven. Aye, quite the accomplishment!

 

“I reckon dinner is ready?”

 

Erestor raised an eyebrow, finding Ecthelion standing behind him. Only a moment ago the younger Elf had still been sitting down. /He sneaked up on me and I did not even notice./ His guard was down around his charge, which worried him to some degree. He should remain alert all the time. Ecthelion was *his* responsibility and he had to keep him safe. “Aye, dinner is ready.”

 

Ecthelion proudly presented the essay to Erestor. “I hope I did not make too many mistakes.”

 

“We will see,” said Erestor, dryly. “Now seat yourself so we can eat.” They sat down and Erestor watched Ecthelion pile the food onto his plate. “Hungry?”

 

“Aye!” Ecthelion picked up his fork and began to eat. “This tastes surprisingly good!”

 

“Did you expect me to be a bad cook, then?” Whilst eating his dinner, Erestor read the essay. He encountered a few mistakes, but let them be, focusing on the content for now. So far, there were no surprises, but then something caught his attention. “You suffer from nightmares?” He placed his fork aside and nipped from his tea.

 

“Aye. I have had them for as long as I can remember. Usually Lord Celeborn would come to comfort me. Or the Lady Galadriel. In the morning, I would wake up with my fingers tightly tangled in their hair.”

 

/Fair hair,/ thought Erestor, /which resembles Glorfindel’s./ Leaning back, he studied Ecthelion’s clouded eyes. “What are they about?”

 

“My nightmares?” Discussing them made him comfortable, though he couldn’t explain why. He had discussed them with Celeborn too. Why had Erestor picked his nightmares to discuss when there were so many possible subjects in that essay?

 

“Aye, your nightmares.” Erestor realized his charge was stalling and considered not pursuing this, but this was important. He had to know how to act during the night when Ecthelion had a bad dream.

 

Ecthelion’s brow furrowed. He didn’t want to remember, but he would – for Erestor. “I remember running… Running through a white city. There are Elves all around me and they wear armor and weapons. I also hear music… Flutes and harps… And there is singing as well. We are facing an enemy, but I cannot see him.” Ecthelion’s breath now came in gasps and his big eyes pleadingly locked with Erestor’s. “There is blood. Blood and death. Screams are in the air… And then there is fire, engulfing me.” Ecthelion paused momentarily to catch his breath. “I am falling… And I keep falling until I hit icy cold water. The flames are extinguished, but I still feel hot. My body burns and I am drowning… I cannot breathe!”

 

Erestor moved quickly, seeing the panic on Ecthelion’s face. “You *can* breathe! You are *not* drowning! And there is no fire. Center yourself!”

 

Erestor’s voice calmed him down and Ecthelion gave the elder Elf a thankful look. “It is just… It feels so real.” Still panting slightly, he managed to compose himself again. “When I have that dream it feels like I am somewhere else… Someone else too.”

 

/I wish I knew why they are keeping you in the dark. You should know who you are – who you were./ But he couldn’t go against their wishes. Celeborn, Galadriel and Mithrandir wouldn’t have reached such a decision easily. They must have had their reasons. “When that happens, is there anything I should do?”

 

Ecthelion shifted nervously on his chair. “Lord Celeborn never tried to wake me. He would hold me, whisper something that soothed me and hold me until the morning came. But I cannot ask that of you. You barely know me.”

 

“Would it ease your sleep, knowing I would do the same as Lord Celeborn did?”

 

“It would,” admitted Ecthelion, lifting shiny eyes to meet Erestor’s. “I am glad you are here.”

 

Erestor smiled, as he was lost for words at the moment. He had never expected Ecthelion and him to bond so quickly, but he could feel the first stirrings of friendship between them – companionship even. /Where will this take us?/ And why did he feel apprehensive?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor almost purred, sitting relaxed in a comfortable chair and listening to Ecthelion’s enchanting voice. It was a true privilege to hear this mythical voice and the fact that Ecthelion was singing for *him* made it even more special!

 

“Do you know any songs?” asked Ecthelion once he had finished. He sat cross-legged in front of Erestor, who was having a glass of wine, whilst he had been given some tea. He had considered protesting, but knew it would be pointless. He wasn’t allowed any wine until the day of his majority.

 

“I do, but I am not certain they are suitable.”

 

Ecthelion frowned. “Why wouldn’t they be suitable?”

 

“They are old battle songs. We sang them marching toward the enemy when we fought at Mount Orodruin.” And Elves had sung them in Gondolin when the hidden city had been attacked by evil. “You are still too young…”

 

But Ecthelion didn’t agree. “I am old enough to learn them! They are part of my heritage.”

 

/They are part of who you are,/ realized Erestor. But teaching Ecthelion these songs might cause more repressed memories to surface and he didn’t want that to happen. He didn’t want even more nightmares to torment his charge. “I can teach you songs that are sung by Imladris’ minstrels, if you are interested.”

 

“Imladris?” Ecthelion inched closer, rising up onto his knees. “Will you tell me what Imladris looks like? And about her inhabitants? The people there? Lord Elrond and his children?”

 

Erestor nodded once, realizing he had found a way out. “I will. I will tell you about them.” Erestor wished he could tell Ecthelion about Glorfindel as well, but the blond warrior’s existence had to remain a secret for now.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

 

The magical sound of a hundred flutes created a deafening roar in his ears. “We need to stop Evil from entering our city! We cannot let them enter! Where is the House of the Harp? Why aren’t they coming to our aid? We cannot fight them back alone! Glorfindel! Stay close!”

 

Erestor woke with a start and sat upright. What had awoken him?

 

“The Balrogs… And there are Fire Drakes too! We need reinforcements!”

 

“Ecthelion!” Erestor pushed back the sheets and leapt out of bed. Clad in a long shirt, he ran into the corridor. He didn’t bother to knock and resolutely entered Ecthelion’s room. As he hadn’t been here before he needed a moment to orientate himself. The bed stood beneath an open window, and a gentle breeze floated into the room, but Ecthelion’s body was covered in sweat and he seemed feverish to Erestor.

 

Erestor quickly made his way over to the bed and sat down on the edge. Ecthelion was still calling out for reinforcements and his arms were moving like they were wielding a sword. Ecthelion kicked, trying to free himself of his opponents and his knee hit Erestor in the chest.

 

Erestor bit down the muffled cry that almost escaped him and wondered how to calm Ecthelion. Then he remembered what the younger Elf had told him earlier that evening -- how Celeborn had soothed him when he was having a nightmare.

 

“Glorfindel! The Balrog… Watch out! Glorfindel!” Ecthelion moved about, wildly struggling when arms tried to contain and calm him. “The Balrog! Gothmog! Nay!” His cries became shrieks, high-pitched and filled with pain. “Fire! I am burning! Burning!”

 

Erestor drew in a deep breath and then pulled Ecthelion close, afraid the younger Elf would hurt himself in his current state. “Ecthelion, there is a cool breeze in the room, and Ithil’s silver beams surround us. You are safe. You are with me. There is no danger.” Erestor rocked his charge, gently stroking Ecthelion’s back in an effort to soothe him further. “You are safe with me and it is cool in here. There is a cool breeze and you do not feel hot. Cool. A cool breeze.”

 

“Bur…ning…” But Ecthelion’s voice was calmer now and had taken on an entranced tone. “Not… burning?” He collapsed against Erestor, and instinctively wrapped his arms around him. “But… I… feel hot.”

 

“Then let’s rid ourselves of these sheets.” Erestor pushed the fabric away from Ecthelion, allowing the cool wind to brush against the feverish skin. With one hand he lifted the long, raven hair, enabling the breeze to also reach there. “You are safe here – safe with me, Ecthelion.”

 

Ecthelion vaguely registered the voice, but what truly reached the depths of his mind were the gentle ministrations bestowed onto his skin. “Don’t… leave… me.” He wasn’t certain who was holding him, and he didn’t really care, as long as this person continued to hold and ground him. “I…” Words fled him as a cool, soothing sensation spread over his skin, taking away the awful burning experience that had caused his nightmare.

 

“Don’t speak,” soothed Erestor, still rocking his charge. “There is no need to speak now. Rest instead.” Holding Ecthelion tightly, he continued to whisper soothingly, following the instructions the younger Elf had given him earlier that evening. Finding that Ecthelion’s breathing was evening out, and growing shallower, he slowly lowered them back onto the bed. He was forced to lie down as well, as the other Elf’s grip on him remained strong.

 

Ecthelion cuddled up to the warm form holding him and rested his head in the crook of the other Elf’s shoulder. “Stay…”

 

“I will stay,” promised Erestor, stroking Ecthelion’s damp hair. “You aren’t alone, Ecthelion.”

 

“Glor…fin…del?” Ecthelion fought to open his eyes, which had closed to lock out his horrid memories of being burned alive.

 

“I am so sorry, but I am not Glorfindel.” Erestor couldn’t lie.

 

“Who… then?” His panic fought to return, but Ecthelion didn’t want to give this peaceful feeling up.

 

“It is I, Erestor.” To his surprise, at hearing his name, much of the tension left Ecthelion’s body and the younger Elf slipped into a deeper state of sleep.

 

“E…res…tor…” With that name still on his lips, Ecthelion dreamt – peacefully this time.

 

Erestor guarded the younger Elf’s sleep carefully and stayed with him for the remainder of the night.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I am sorry about last night,” whispered Ecthelion. He had just woken up and his face was still buried against Erestor’s chest. Unable to look at the elder Elf, he hoped Erestor was also awake and had heard his words.

 

“There is nothing to apologize for,” said Erestor, kindly. He loosened his hold on Ecthelion, allowing the younger Elf to leave the embrace if he desired so. But the truth was that it was Ecthelion’s crushing grip on him that kept them in place. Deciding to open up further to his charge, Erestor said, “I am no stranger to nightmares myself. I had them after fighting at Mount Orodruin and a good friend of mine also frequently suffers from them.” He had heard Glorfindel’s screams at night, which had much resembled Ecthelion’s. He had even gone to the blond’s room once to soothe him, but had found Elrond seated there, already calming the warrior. Tiptoeing, he had left, hoping they hadn’t noticed his unexpected visit.

 

“Thank you. You are very kind.” Ecthelion didn’t want to let go of the elder Elf, but knew it was the proper thing to do. When he tried to loosen his grip on Erestor, he realized he felt paralyzed. “I cannot move!”

 

Erestor gently stroked the long hair and used a kind, comforting tone. “You do not have to.” Ecthelion must have suffered some kind of shock during the night and still needed him close. “Do you want to talk about your dreams?”

 

Ecthelion trembled fiercely. “I do not!”

 

“It might help though. It might make them go away,” said Erestor in the same gentle tone he had used with Elrond’s children when they had been little. “Nightmares feed of the darkness in our minds. When you pull them into the light they lose some of their terror.”

 

“I cannot. Please do not make me.” Ecthelion instinctively buried his face against the fabric of Erestor’s nightshirt.

 

“I won’t force you, but the day will come that you want to talk about them. I will be patient until then.” Although this decision went against his better judgment, he knew it was best for Ecthelion. Whilst he continued to stroke the younger Elf’s hair, he used his other hand to massage the tense shoulders. Bare skin, tight with muscle cramps flinched beneath his fingertips and he finally registered the fact that his charge slept naked.

 

“Thank you for holding me. It must be awkward for you and… and I ruined your night rest.”

 

“Do not apologize, Ecthelion.” Erestor found the tense muscles loosening beneath the massage and the younger Elf’s hold on him began to weaken. “Are you rested enough to go for your morning run? Or do you wish to go back to sleep?” He would respect Ecthelion’s decision either way.

 

“I want to go running,” replied Ecthelion. The physical exercise would take his mind off of the burning pain his nightmares always caused. “That is… Will you accompany me?” He finally found the courage to lift his head so he could make eye contact with Erestor. Did the elder Elf think any less of him after witnessing him falling prey to his nightmares?

 

“I will join you,” said Erestor, who managed a reassuring smile. “But I refuse to go running on an empty stomach. I will fix us some breakfast. Why don’t you go down to the Sea for a refreshing swim?” His dark eyes now twinkled. “If we had a bathtub, you would not have to leave the house.”

 

“Maybe we can buy one?” offered Ecthelion, shyly.

 

“Maybe,” whispered Erestor, who was still stroking the damp hair and bare skin. “Can you let go of me now?”

 

Ecthelion nodded and then opened his arms, allowing Erestor to move out of the embrace. But he felt the loss keenly and wished Erestor hadn’t moved and was still resting against him. He had felt safe with Erestor!

 

Erestor felt the same way; he didn’t want to let go of Ecthelion either, but it was time they started their morning activities, which meant having breakfast and going for a run. He had planned to keep Ecthelion’s nose burrowed in the books he had brought from Imladris, but he now changed his mind. Ecthelion needed to be outside. Maybe they could spar instead. “I will see you in the kitchen when you are ready. And take your time.”

 

Ecthelion nodded, thankful that Erestor understood. With a sad feeling eating his heart, he watched as the elder Elf gracefully walked out of his room. Erestor had saved him from insanity last night; at least it felt that way to him. The elder Elf had grounded him, had pulled him away from those horrific memories. That could only mean one thing; Erestor cared for him. It was amazing, mused Ecthelion. Erestor had only been here for two days and there was already a strong friendship building between them. Sitting upright in bed, he pushed his hair away from his face and smiled weakly. /And I care for him too./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Surprised, Ecthelion followed Erestor when they went back outside again. They had run – in silence this time, as he didn’t feel like talking – and had then gone for a refreshing swim in the Sea. This time Erestor hadn’t insisted on his privacy and they had swum together – once more in silence. It was as if he couldn’t grow out of this negative feeling that had claimed him since he’d had that nightmare. Erestor had been a silent support, for which he was grateful. The elder Elf hadn’t forced him into conversation and had allowed him to work through his problems in his own time.

 

“Do you have your weapons here?” asked Erestor, sitting down on the grass.

 

“Of course!” His curiosity was piqued and with that some of his enthusiasm returned. “Would you like me to fetch them?”

 

“Just two swords. That is all we need.” Amused, Erestor watched Ecthelion disappear into the house again, only to emerge with two practice swords a few minutes later.

 

“Will these do?” Proudly, he presented the swords to Erestor.

 

Erestor accepted them and first balanced one and then the other in his hand. “These will do.”

 

“What for?”

 

Erestor was pleased to find the sparkle had returned to Ecthelion’s eyes and so had the youth’s energetic enthusiasm. “For sparring. You need to train, Ecthelion. You cannot simply neglect your weapons’ skill because you got me for a teacher!” Erestor rose from the grass and stretched. “We should warm up first.” He had seen Ecthelion do these exercises before and once his student had overcome his initial surprise at seeing him do them as well, Ecthelion joined him. “Lord Celeborn trained you personally?” Erestor kept a close eye on Ecthelion, making certain he wasn’t rushing these exercises.

 

“Aye, he did! Haldir, Rumil and Orophin helped as well.”

 

“That is quite a privilege; to be trained by the best.”

 

“Aye,” agreed Ecthelion. /But it was also hard work./ Celeborn, Haldir, and his brothers hadn’t been easily pleased and had pushed him to the edge. He could tell that sparring with Erestor would be less tense. “And who trained you?” He hoped he wasn’t crossing any boundaries. Although Erestor had told him some personal things, he wasn’t certain just how much the elder Elf wanted to confide in him.

 

Ending his exercises, Erestor stood still, watching Ecthelion and reading the fear of trespassing in the gray eyes. From the start, he had known he had to be honest. “A lot of Elves did.”

 

“Name one?” Ecthelion had finished his own exercises and he now gave Erestor a pleading look. He thirsted for knowledge!

 

Erestor sighed, deeply, deciding to be honest. “What do you know of the High-King?”

 

“Ereinion? Also known as Gil-Galad? He led the attack on Sauron at the Battle of the Last Alliance and…” His eyes widened, dramatically. “Did you know him?” /He must have! He told me he fought at Mount Orodruin!/

 

“Aye, I knew him.” Erestor’s thoughts traveled back to that fated day. “He trained me.”

 

Ecthelion soundlessly moved closer. “He did?”

 

“He was a good friend,” said Erestor, releasing another sigh. “When he died…” Ereinion’s death had almost devastated him. “We suffered a great loss that day.”

 

Ecthelion’s expression grew sad. “You mentioned you also had nightmares. Are they about… losing him?”

 

“It was a cruel and ruthless battle, Ecthelion,” replied Erestor, making eye contact with the younger Elf. “It was slaughter. In that battle, Elrond and I covered each other backs. Ereinion got somehow separated from us and we reached him too late.” Even now, so many millennia later, tears appeared in his eyes and he wiped them away.

 

“I am sorry,” whispered Ecthelion, at a loss. He didn’t know what to say, or how to offer comfort.

 

“It was his destiny,” said Erestor, resigning himself to the truth. “We lost so many that day.”

 

“But you survived.”

 

“Aye, I did.” And he had regretted it ever since.

 

Seeing Erestor’s distant expression, Ecthelion wondered if sparring was a wise thing to do. They needed to be focused and concentrated. An injury could easily occur during a sparring match.

 

“Let’s do this,” announced Erestor, taking on a fighting stance. Lifting his sword, he gestured for Ecthelion to attack him. “I must warn you though. It has been centuries since I last sparred.”

 

Ecthelion forced a smile onto his face, pretending not to see the pained expression in Erestor’s eyes. “I will go easy on you, then.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

One hour later, Ecthelion decided Erestor hadn’t been honest with him. “Mercy!” Erestor knew how to use a sword and had disarmed him several times. Not even Celeborn had managed to do that! Erestor was a different fighter than the Lord of the Golden Wood; the raven-haired Elf used every opening to teach him a lesson. /He is a much harder teacher than the others ever were./ And he had thought their sparring matches would be less tense? Ha!

 

Erestor aborted his attack and took a step back. “Tired?” Ecthelion had proven to be an excellent sparring partner, although still a bit inexperienced. He clearly recognized Celeborn’s fighting style in Ecthelion’s tactics and realized the younger Elf still needed to develop his own fighting style.

 

“Nay, not tired. Scared!” Ecthelion grinned, wickedly. “I never thought you could fight like that.”

 

Erestor’s expression darkened and he was serious when he addressed his student. “In times of war you have to fight for your life. Celeborn taught you how to wield a sword and I suspect Haldir taught you some defensive stances. But the attack is the most important part. You need to keep your enemies at a distance. Once they get too close you are on the defensive and you will have lost your advantage on them.”

 

“Will you teach me?”

 

/I will have to teach you,/ realized Erestor, /You were reborn to help us fight Evil and I cannot let you go onto the battle field without these skills./ Realizing Ecthelion was still waiting for his answer, Erestor nodded once. “I will.”

 

Ecthelion’s eyes simmered with the desire to learn and please. “When?”

 

“Not this afternoon. Arien is too high in the sky and it is growing too warm to train properly.” Erestor studied Ecthelion and regretted the loss of innocence that would occur once the younger Elf took a life for that very first time. /I wish I could keep the Evil away from you. But Elrond told me the Evil One is gathering his strength and it won’t be long before he tries to gain dominion over Arda again. And when that happens, you need to be ready./

 

Ecthelion wondered about the sorrowful look in Erestor’s eyes, but didn’t ask for an explanation – maybe even fearing the truth. Instead, he followed his tutor back into the house and helped him prepare lunch; all thoughts of war, death and evil momentarily forgotten.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion’s hand hovered over the pile of books, which Erestor had placed on the windowsill only a moment ago. Cocking his head, he read the titles, realizing many of them were about Imladris, Mirkwood and Lothlórien; the great Elven realms. He was most curious to learn more of Imladris. Erestor had told him many things about Elrond’s realm last night, but he still wanted to hear more.

 

His fingers almost caressed the book on top, but he quickly pulled away. Books were precious to their owner and he didn’t want to touch them without Erestor’s permission.

 

“You may read them, if you want to,” said Erestor, who placed dinner onto the table. He had opted for a fish soup with freshly baked garlic bread.

 

“Are you certain?” Ecthelion was still slightly hesitant to take the book into his hand.

 

“Aye, I am certain.” Erestor managed to keep his amusement from his face. “Books are a source of knowledge and should be read. They are of little use unread.”

 

“Thank you!” Ecthelion selected a book on Imladris and eagerly opened it. The first page had a lovely drawing in soft pastels, depicting the Last Homely House. “I want to go there one day.”

 

“I am certain you will,” replied Erestor, knowing that once Ecthelion knew about Glorfindel, the Captain of the Fountain would seek out his former brother in arms and lover. “But first you need to eat. Join me.”

 

Ecthelion placed the book on the edge of the table, far away from the soup. “I like reading.”

 

Erestor nodded, pouring the soup into Ecthelion’s bowl, and serving him a generous amount of the bread. “Reading is the first step to attaining knowledge.” He sat down and began to eat his soup, occasionally dipping the bread into the liquid. After a while, he found that Ecthelion was watching him. “What is it?”

 

“I never saw anyone do that.”

 

It took Erestor a moment to figure out what Ecthelion was talking about. “Dipping the bread in my soup? It tasted very good. You should try it.”

 

Ecthelion did and chuckled, pushing the moist bread into his mouth. It did taste good.

 

Erestor was waiting for an opening to address last night’s nightmares, but Ecthelion always stayed clear of that subject. /What if he has them again tonight? Glorfindel sometimes suffers from them for weeks./ He knew he would go to Ecthelion to comfort him, but they needed to address the real problem; Ecthelion’s repressed memories. /But how can I do that without telling him about Gondolin and Glorfindel?/ In the end, Erestor decided to face one thing at a time and for now he concentrated on having dinner with his charge and making conversation to avoid awkward silences.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Ecthelion, would you fetch my lyre from my room?” Erestor was in the middle of cleaning up the mess he had made in the kitchen and planned on getting a fire going in the fireplace in a moment. He already looked forward to an evening full of music, chatter and laughter.

 

“But of course!” Eager to please, Ecthelion walked into Erestor’s room. He quickly scanned the room with his eyes and located the instrument. The moment he reached for it, a silvery reflection caught his attention. Horrified, he stared at the flute, which had been placed next to the lyre. Just seeing the instrument triggered his memory and an overwhelming roar invaded his ears. The sheer intensity of it took him back. He collapsed onto his knees and hugged his waist tightly. Rocking slowly, he tried to banish the music from his mind.

 

Realizing that it was taking Ecthelion an awful long time to collect his lyre, Erestor left the kitchen and joined his charge in his room. “Oh, nay…” He hurried over to the swaying Elf and knelt beside Ecthelion, who was using his hands to cover his ears. /Seeing the flute must have caused this!/ It was the only solution he could come up with!

 

The music continued to roll over him, ever-presented and demanding. Ecthelion vaguely realized someone had joined him, but he didn’t dare look at him.

 

“Ecthelion?” Erestor gently pried Ecthelion’s hands away from the younger Elf’s ears. “It is I, Erestor. Please look at me? Talk to me?” He moved into Ecthelion’s sight and gave the other Elf a weak smile. “Ecthelion? What is amiss? Please tell me. You can confide in me.”

 

“The flutes… The music… It is all around me and it won’t stop.” Pleadingly, he raised his eyes and looked into Erestor’s compassionate ones. “Please make it stop?”

 

Ecthelion’s tone almost broke his heart and Erestor used the same tactics as he had last night; rocking the younger Elf and whispering soothingly. A few minutes later his efforts paid off and Ecthelion calmed down. /Will the nightmares return tonight to torment him in his sleep?/ If that was the case, Ecthelion would need him again tonight.

 

“Only you can make it stop, Ecthelion,” said Erestor eventually. The expression in Ecthelion’s eyes calmed further and the advisor rose from the floor, taking Ecthelion with him. Now that they were back on their feet again, Erestor found he had to steady Ecthelion, who swayed. “Come with me.” Erestor took Ecthelion’s arm and led him into the living room, where he sat the younger Elf down in a comfortable chair. Pulling another chair close, he seated himself as well.

 

Ecthelion instinctively reached for Erestor’s hands and refused to let go when he had established a firm hold on them.

 

“You need to address this,” said Erestor, “Ignoring or repressing the nightmares won’t solve the problem. You have to face whatever haunts you.”

 

Confiding in Erestor – whom he had only known a few days—was hard on Ecthelion, but in the end his need to talk won. “It was the flute… Suddenly, their music was all around me… and underneath it I heard feet, marching.”

 

Erestor knew he had to tread carefully. Where was Mithrandir when he needed him?

 

“During the night, when I have those nightmares, I hear that sound too,” said Ecthelion, averting his eyes. “Am I losing my mind?”

 

“Nay,” said Erestor, who had reached a very important decision, “You are not losing your mind. You are remembering.”

 

“Remembering? Remembering what?” Ecthelion moved closer to Erestor. His entire life, he had asked Celeborn and Galadriel questions, but had never received a satisfactory answer. Would Erestor now finally tell him the truth?

 

Ecthelion’s hold on his hands tightened and Erestor could practically sense the younger Elf’s need to hear the truth. /Mithrandir, I cannot lie to him./

 

“Erestor? Please?”

 

“You are remembering your first life on Arda, Ecthelion.”

 

*That* was not what Ecthelion had expected to hear and he stared in Erestor in shock. “Please tell me more. Tell me what I need to know to banish these horrid memories from my mind.”

 

Erestor suddenly regretted being honest with Ecthelion, wondering just how much he could tell the younger Elf without endangering his charge’s sanity. He would have to dose all information very, very carefully and he still couldn’t tell him about Gondolin and Glorfindel. This was truly a delicate matter, one, which he hoped he could handle.


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

 

Erestor considered his next words carefully. Celeborn and Galadriel had gone to great lengths to keep Ecthelion from discovering his past and Mithrandir had done the same. He couldn’t tell Ecthelion without their permission, so he had to dance around it; tell the youngster what he needed to know, but at the same time he couldn’t name the people involved or places. Erestor looked at their joined hands and hoped he could give Ecthelion the strength the younger Elf needed.

 

“Please, Erestor?” Ecthelion wasn’t above begging at this point. Erestor was clearly struggling and he could only hope that the elder Elf would tell him in the end. He needed to know so badly!

 

“You were a valiant warrior in your first life,” started Erestor, who clearly heard Ecthelion’s sigh of relief. “You were much loved and admired by your soldiers and you led them bravely into your last battle. You fought well, and you took down many enemies.”

 

Nervousness, excitement and curiosity loosened Ecthelion’s tongue and he interrupted Erestor during his tale. “My last battle? My enemies?”

 

“Do you recall the horrible creatures that hunt you down in your dreams?”

 

“Aye, they are made out of darkness and fire, and the fire…” Ecthelion swallowed hard. “The fire burns and engulfs me; it takes away my sanity.”

 

Erestor squeezed Ecthelion’s hands, hoping to show his support in that way. “Fire drakes. They attacked first, but you drove them away. Seeing you fight so bravely encouraged your men and they tried to make their stand with you for as long as possible.”

 

Ecthelion trembled when he phrased his next question. “The sound of the flutes?”

 

“Your House went into battle playing their flutes. It was meant as encouragement. The sound now invades your nightmares to announce the beginning of the battle.” Erestor wondered once more why this had been kept from Ecthelion.

 

“Please continue!” Ecthelion had moved toward Erestor and was now precariously balanced on the edge of his chair, devouring each word the elder Elf said.

 

“As I said before, you fought and defeated the fire drakes, but then you faced an even fouler adversary.” Erestor made sure he had a tight hold on Ecthelion’s hands, which had turned cool and sweaty during their conversation. “Are you certain you want to hear this?”

 

“I *need* to hear this, Erestor. Please!” Ecthelion’s face contorted.

 

Erestor nodded, realizing how important it was Ecthelion learned why these nightmares haunted his dreams. His voice was calm and controlled when he told his charge about his death. “A fire drake broke the last barrier you had erected and the Balrogs entered the square.”

 

“Balrog…” Ecthelion’s eyes widened with unexpected remembrance. “Gothmog?”

 

Erestor nodded again. “Aye, you fought the Lord of the Balrogs bravely, but you were already wounded. You could not withstand his attack.” Erestor kept eye contact with his charge as he continued in a compassionate tone. “You lost your sword and the Balrog prepared to end your life, but you used your helmet to impale him.”

 

“My helmet?”

 

“Aye, you wore a sharp-spiked helm…” Erestor didn’t want to tell the rest as well, afraid of Ecthelion’s reaction to it, but knew he couldn’t stop now. “His unholy fire had set you aflame and you fell into a fountain.”

 

“Fountain?” Ecthelion frowned, as if the word was trying to spark certain memories, but in the end, the memories remained shrouded in gray clouds.

 

“The water extinguished the flames and the monster died with you. It is believed that your armor pulled you down…” Erestor held his breath, awaiting Ecthelion’s reaction.

 

“So that is why I dream of water and flame,” whispered Ecthelion. His eyes filled with tears, which began their descent down their face, dripping onto their hands.

 

Erestor acted impulsively, reacting on old ingrained instincts, which had seldom failed him in the past. Rubbing Ecthelion’s cold and trembling fingers between his, he said, “You died a hero’s death, my friend. Even now, songs tell of your unselfish deed. Your death inspired many.” Erestor smiled weakly. “Your heroic deed is probably the very reason why the Valar allowed you to return to Arda.”

 

Ecthelion blinked watery eyes. “My nightmares at least make sense now.”

 

“I understand that this a lot to take in and to deal with. Take your time. Do not force it. And I am here to talk to, if you desire so.”

 

Ecthelion managed a grateful expression. “Thank you for that, Erestor, but I think I would like to be alone for a little while.”

 

“But of course,” said Erestor, who was about to rise to his feet.

 

“Nay, you stay here. I need to be in the open.” Ecthelion released Erestor’s hands and walked stiffly over to the doorway. After stepping outside, he closed the door behind him and looked at the starlit sky. /Why didn’t they tell me? Why keep me in the dark?/

 

Ecthelion sought out the comfort of the trees. Sitting down, he rested his back against the trunk of an ancient oak tree and the tree reacted by wrapping his lower branches around him. The gesture brought a smile to Ecthelion’s face and he stared blankly at the stars for hours, trying to remember, trying to put the memories in their proper place. He felt immensely grateful toward Erestor, who had told him the truth; a truth that had been kept from him. Erestor’s honestly had intensified the growing bond of friendship between them. Now that he was away from ‘Lorien, ‘his home’, he felt out of place. He had always felt out of time as well, and at last he understood why. He replayed Erestor’s words in his mind. The elder Elf had made certain he understood that he had died a hero’s death and that there was nothing to be ashamed of. He had been a warrior of some renown and his death had been…

 

/Painful… So very painful./ Memories tugged at his thoughts once more. Memories that usually only appeared in his dreams. He let them in and for the first time in his life he was able to watch them from the point of view of a bystander. He was finally able to put a name with the Balrog that attacked him and he suffered the burning sensation all over again, finally succumbing to the cold water.

 

His death had been horrific, but he had saved lives, and Erestor had said that it had inspired many Elves to fight harder. Apparently his death was still the subject of many songs. Songs, which he had never heard. /Why, Celeborn? Why Galadriel?/ Why had the Elves whom he had looked upon as his parents kept this from him?

 

Ecthelion suddenly grew aware of another presence. The tree’s branches opened to allow someone new into the embrace. It had to be Erestor.

 

“I can leave if you really desire to be alone,” offered Erestor, whose eyes held unshed tears.

 

Ecthelion shrugged; uncertain of what he really wanted. He had thought he wanted to be alone, but he wasn’t so certain anymore.

 

Erestor carefully sat down beside Ecthelion and joined the younger Elf in staring at the dark sky. He remained quiet, respecting Ecthelion’s emotional turmoil. His heart, however, missed a beat when the younger Elf scooted closer and rested his head against his shoulder. Erestor reacted by loosely wrapping one arm around Ecthelion, which his charge allowed.

 

They sat like that for long hours and watched the sun rise in the morning. It was an explosion of red and gold, warming Arda and all its inhabitants. Arien’s warmth woke Ecthelion from his melancholy. Examining his feelings closely, he found that he had accepted this part of his past and this new understanding would hopefully keep the nightmares at bay.

 

“How do you fare this morn?” asked Erestor, shyly.

 

“Better,” said Ecthelion after a moment’s thought. “I can give my memories a place now and knowing that I died a valiant death helps.” He raised his head so he could look into Erestor’s dark eyes. “I feel more at peace now.”

 

Erestor smiled, warmly, but still remained quiet. This wasn’t a moment for much talking.

 

Ecthelion rested his head once more against Erestor’s shoulder and bathed in Arien’s warm rays. /I want to repay you for being so honest with me, Erestor./ Now that depression and melancholy had lifted, his normally bright mood reappeared. /Maybe I can find you a bathtub./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“What are we doing here?” Erestor studied his surroundings. Ecthelion had disappeared into one of the houses without giving an explanation and had asked him to wait here. They were at the heart of today’s market, and he didn’t feel particularly comfortable in this crowd. Trying to distract himself, his eyes caught sight of two beautiful and proud stallions, which were apparently up for sale. Elrond had insisted he take some Westron money with him when he had left Imladris and it might allow him to buy these horses.

 

Erestor made his way through the crowd to examine the two horses up close. The gray was already drawing his scent into his nostrils and curious eyes locked with his. Erestor cocked his head and reached out to the horse. This development didn’t seem to go unnoticed by the black stallion, which turned to look at him. /These are marvelous animals,/ thought Erestor, impressed. He had touched their minds briefly and had instantly felt their loyal nature.

 

The merchant saw Erestor’s expression and grinned, realizing he might make some profit out of selling these horses and approached the Elf.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Upon leaving the merchant’s shop, Ecthelion searched the market square for Erestor. A moment later, he had located the elder Elf. What surprised him though was the fact that his tutor wasn’t alone any more. “Did you buy these horses?” he asked, upon reaching Erestor. He had to compliment Erestor for his choice. The horses seemed alert and were in an excellent condition.

 

“Aye, I thought we should include horseback riding in the lesson plan.” Erestor had removed the saddles from their backs and had taken out the offensive bits, knowing the animals had chosen to stay with them. He had felt their acceptance during his conversation with the merchant, who had been completely unaware of their silent communication.

 

“Which horse would you prefer?” He would give Ecthelion first choice and waited for the younger Elf to reach out to the stallions. To his surprise, Ecthelion did nothing of the kind. /Celeborn never taught you how to communicate with animals?/ Now that was a surprise! /Another thing I will have to teach you./

 

Ecthelion shuffled his feet, feeling uncertain. “Which horse do you prefer?” he said, throwing the question back at Erestor.

 

The black stallion’s ears moved from back to front and back again. Snorting, he cocked his head.

 

Erestor couldn’t help smiling. “They gray favors you, Ecthelion.” The gray was the younger of the two stallions, fiercely loyal and his character would compliment Ecthelion’s in a fight.

 

Ecthelion smiled, brilliantly, and he carefully raised his right hand to stroke the gray’s nose. The stallion snorted, pawed at the ground and bowed his head so Ecthelion could reach for him more easily. “He seems to like me.”

 

/Everyone likes you,/ thought Erestor, amused. /Your light shines so brightly. It draws everyone toward you./

 

“Can we go for a ride?” Ecthelion used -- what Haldir had dubbed his ‘puppy dog’s eyes’ – on Erestor, hoping they would work on this Elf as well. “Please?”

 

Erestor laughed. “Of course we can.”

 

Erestor swung onto the black stallion’s back and gestured for Ecthelion to do the same. The horses had long told him their names and he spurred them on by using them. Ecthelion, however, was unaware of this. /That will be your first assignment; to find out their names./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The two horses grazed peacefully in the vicinity of their cottage, whilst Erestor inspected the bathtub Ecthelion had arranged for. It had been placed in the bathroom during their ride and he arched an eyebrow, impressed and touched that the younger Elf had done this for him. “You will change your mind once you bathed in here,” he said, confidently. “Add a bit of scented oil to the water and taking a bath will relax you completely.”

 

“I still prefer the Sea,” said Ecthelion, chuckling, “But I promise to try out our new bathtub.”

 

A slightly awkward silence descended onto them and they smiled at each other. In the end it was Erestor who took control of the situation. “It is time for your afternoon lessons. It is time you learn more of Imladris.” He left the bathroom and was closely followed by Ecthelion. Once they had reached the living room, Erestor pointed out the book Ecthelion had selected from the pile the other day. “I want you to read the first three chapters and we will discuss them this evening.”

 

Whilst Ecthelion reached for the book, he gave Erestor a puzzled look. “And what are you going to do in the meantime?”

 

“Cook dinner.” Erestor smiled; surprised that he found this ‘domestic’ life so charming. He went into the kitchen to prepare the two rabbits they had caught and was already looking forward to soaking in his new bathtub later that evening.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion munched his last bite of dinner and addressed Erestor after he had swallowed. “Imladris was founded before the Battle of the Last Alliance?”

 

“Aye, Elrond was quite determined to return to his valley after that battle.” Erestor sipped his wine and his thoughts drifted back to that time, so long ago. “We had seen enough bloodshed and Imladris was pure – untouched by evil.”

 

Ecthelion rested his back against the comfort of the chair and selected one of the cherries Erestor had served with the meat. “Will you tell me more about Lord Elrond, his family and the Last Homely House? Aye, I read the chapters you assigned me, but when you talk about them everything feels more ‘alive’.”

 

Erestor smiled. “What do you wish to know?”

 

“I want to know more about Lord Elrond’s family.”

 

Erestor nodded, contently. “He married the Lady Celebrían.”

 

Hearing a name he knew, Ecthelion nodded as well. He felt sad though, knowing what cruel fate had befallen her, but he let Erestor tell his tale.

 

“They were happy for a long time and she gave him twins, Elladan and Elrohir, and later, a daughter.” Erestor’s smile broadened, recalling those happy times. “They were quite mischievous, the three of them, though the twins were the real pranksters. “I have had frogs in my drawers, ink on my hands and face, salt in my tea instead of sugar… Oh, they were quite a busy lot!”

 

“You like them.”

 

“I love them like they were my own children,” admitted Erestor, fondly. “All of them.”

 

“You do not have any children then?” Ecthelion hoped he wasn’t crossing the line with that question.

 

Erestor’s smile weakened, but didn’t disappear. “No children for me, no.”

 

Seeing the sad expression in Erestor’s eyes, Ecthelion decided to steer away from this topic. “You must miss them.”

 

“I do,” admitted Erestor, “but your company is pleasurable as well.” To his surprise, that remark made Ecthelion blush. Erestor chuckled softly. “I taught the twins much, and Arwen later as well, though my brightest student was Estel.”

 

Hearing the name, Ecthelion’s curiosity was awoken once more. “Estel?”

 

“Lord Elrond’s foster-son. Estel is mortal, but like his kin blessed with a long life.” Erestor shifted on his chair, deciding they should carry on their conversation on the more comfortable coach. He gestured Ecthelion to follow him, but instead of seating himself on the couch, Ecthelion sat down cross-legged on the floor, looking at him with large, curious eyes. Eyes, that asked so much!

 

Ecthelion’s next question took Erestor by utter surprise, as he never expected it.

 

“Why did they choose you to be my tutor?” Ecthelion studied Erestor closely. “When I left the Golden Wood I was under the impression I had learned all I needed, but then Mithrandir told me I was to study with you for three more years.”

 

Erestor moistened his lips. “I honestly do not know why Mithrandir choose me. I was just as surprised as you were.”

 

Ecthelion didn’t quite believe that, but let it go. “Would you tell me more about your duties in Imladris?”

 

“I am Chief Advisor to Elrond. His right hand, so to speak.” Erestor eyed Ecthelion closely. What had prompted these questions? “I handled all correspondence, made certain the Last Homely House was never low on supplies, negotiated with the merchants that visited Imladris and kept a close eye on our defenses.”

 

“And you did not mind giving up on those duties in order to tutor me? Your duties sound important and I… I am not that important. I have not even reached my majority yet.”

 

Erestor wondered at the defeated tone. “Never doubt that you *are* important, Ecthelion.”

 

“But you did not answer my question,” observed Ecthelion keenly.

 

“I was not pleased at first, no. But later on, I understood how important overseeing your education is.” Erestor’s eyes narrowed in thought. “You were a great warrior once, Ecthelion, and I already see the makings of a new, extraordinary, warrior in you. In time you will be called upon to lead soldiers into battle once more and when that calls comes, you need to be ready to answer. That is why I am here.”

 

“I will be fighting again in the future?” Ecthelion’s eyes sparkled brightly.

 

“Oh yes. Evil is already rising and it won’t be long before Middle-Earth will face another battle for supremacy, which the Evil One cannot be allowed to win.”

 

Ecthelion grew quiet, picked up the book he was reading and gave Erestor a long, thoughtful glance. In the end, he scooted closer to the couch, rested his back against it, and began to read, seated at Erestor’s feet.

 

Erestor watched his charge for long minutes. Ecthelion was still three years short of his majority, but the young Elf already carried much responsibility and couldn’t be called an Elfling any longer. /It won’t be long before the warrior emerges completely./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Bliss. This was pure, divine bliss. Erestor closed his eyes and savored the sensation of warm water, sweetly scented, that closely hugged his body. He would eventually turn into a prune, but right now leaving the bathtub was the last thing on his mind. Bathing long and hot was one of the few luxuries he allowed himself to indulge in, and no one was going to take this away from him. If Ecthelion hadn’t surprised him by buying this bathtub first, he would have acquired one himself.

 

A soft singing voice caught his attention and caused his eyes to open. /Ecthelion./ The younger Elf was singing, but it wasn’t a song that spoke of loss and melancholy. The melody was fast, joyous and the words praised the Valar. /He is coming to terms with his rebirth. If Celeborn and Galadriel had confided in him this acceptance would have been achieved at a younger age./

 

Erestor closed his eyes again and allowed his thoughts to drift to Imladris. Was everything well in the Last Homely House? Was Elrond copying with the increased work load that must have arisen after his departure? And was Glorfindel still screaming his pain at night? /Valar, let Elrond continue to comfort him./ Now that he had been guarding Ecthelion’s sleep, he realized how badly Glorfindel needed Elrond’s support. And for a tiny moment the desire to go home overwhelmed him. Imladris was his home and Elrond his family.

 

“Erestor?”

 

Ecthelion’s soft, hesitant voice made Erestor regret that thought. The younger Elf needed him as much as Glorfindel needed Elrond. “What is amiss?”

 

“Nothing…” Ecthelion shuffled his feet nervously, staring at the wooden door that presented an unwelcome barrier between Erestor and him.

 

/He feels lonely,/ realized Erestor with a start. /He is asking for my company./

 

“I will go to my room… Goodnight, Erestor.” Embarrassed that he had shown his vulnerability and need for company that clearly, he hurried down the corridor, quickly closing the door behind him. Now that he was in his room again, the atmosphere seemed to darken and became pregnant with nightmares and ugly memories. Shaky, he threw himself onto his bed, wrapped himself up in the blanket and squeezed his eyes closed, trying to lock out any unpleasant memories. The truth was that he didn’t want to be alone tonight when the past seemed so real, so close. But he could hardly ask Erestor to stay with him during the night. He simply couldn’t.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor had dried his skin, combed and braided his damp hair, and had slipped into leggings and a loose fitting shirt. Next, he made his way over to Ecthelion’s room. Although he had always forbidden the twins to eavesdrop, he found himself doing that very thing now. Placing his ear against the door, he listened closely. The soft pleas coming from inside the room didn’t surprise him; he had expected them. It would take time for the younger Elf to come to terms with his newly found knowledge.

 

Not bothering with knocking, Erestor entered Ecthelion’s room. He found his charge wrapped in the blanket and the younger Elf was struggling to free himself of the fabric. A fine film of sweat covered his brow and the raven hair was fanned over the pillow. /I cannot leave you alone at night yet,/ realized Erestor, as he sat down on the edge of the bed. /I wonder how many nights Celeborn spent at your side, soothing you and guarding your sleep. It seems that has become my duty now. No, not duty. It is an honor to do this for you. It could never be a duty./

 

Ecthelion’s eyes, which had been blank with sleep a moment before, now focused on him. “I can leave if you want me to,” said Erestor, leaving Ecthelion a way out.

 

It took Ecthelion a moment to understand that Erestor was really in his room and on his bed. The elder Elf must have sensed his need! “Please stay. I do not want to be alone.”

 

Erestor eased himself down onto the bed, lying face to face with Ecthelion. Gray eyes searched his and he withstood their probing. A sigh escaped Ecthelion’s lips, as the younger Elf found what he had been looking for, and much to Erestor’s surprise, his charge moved closer.

 

“I regret imposing on you in this manner,” said Ecthelion softly, “But I feel so alone. I have felt like this for most of my life and it is especially bad during the nights.”

 

Erestor heard the hidden words that Ecthelion didn’t speak and loosely folded an arm around the other Elf. “You are not alone. You never were.” But he reckoned he knew the reason for Ecthelion’s profound feeling of loneliness. /You miss Glorfindel./ But he couldn’t say those words.

 

Ecthelion let go of his self-imposed restraint and unashamedly snuggled up to Erestor, deeply inhaling the elder Elf’s scent, which was reassuring and made him feel comfortable and safe. He was at a loss to explain these sensations, and simply accepted the way he felt. He liked Erestor and trusted the elder Elf. That was more than enough reason to surrender to sleep once more, knowing Erestor would guard his sleep like Celeborn had in the past.

 

Erestor found himself with an armful of peacefully sleeping Elf and he remained awake for the rest of the night, unable to fall asleep himself. He had much to think about.


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

 

The space next to him was still warm and evidence that Erestor had only just left the bed. Sadly enough, he was alone now. /Erestor probably left to make breakfast./ Ecthelion knew he should get out of bed and get ready for his morning run, but the bed was pleasantly warm and Erestor’s slightly spicy scent still lingered between the sheets. It was a masculine scent, one that now filled him with longing.

 

Erestor’s form appeared before his mind’s eye, making him smile. The lithe, elder Elf possessed a unique beauty and the large, chocolate brown eyes had captured his heart. Although his mind was still half asleep, his body was already fully awake and reacted to his thoughts, which continued to circle around the raven-haired advisor.

 

Oh my… This wasn’t good at all. Ecthelion’s eyes opened with a start, feeling his groin stir and his flesh rise to attention. Oh no, he wasn’t lusting after his teacher, was he?

 

An intense blush crept across his features and he was relieved that Erestor had already left. He would have died from embarrassment if the elder Elf had still been here. His erection pushed the fabric of the blanket upward, clearly showing his arousal.

 

Ecthelion quickly rolled onto his side, pulled his knees toward his chest and tried to make his arousal fade. But to no avail. Now that his face was practically buried in the pillows, Erestor’s scent became even stronger; invading his nostrils and making him very much aware of the fact of how much he craved the elder Elf. /When did that happen? When did I develop feelings for him? He has only been here for a few days!/ This couldn’t be happening!

 

But it *was* happening, and his arousal wasn’t fading. In the end, he did the only thing he could to rid himself of his morning erection. He stroked the hard flesh, trying hard *not* to think of Erestor. This wasn’t right. Erestor was his teacher!

 

After finding release – an empty sensation that left him unfulfilled – he cleaned himself up and stared angrily at the traitorous, now flaccid organ. He vividly remembered the first time his body had reacted to someone else’s presence.

 

Orophin and he had spent the day in the woods and that morning he had grown hard, waking up next to a warm body. All he could think about had been the fair Galadhel. He had almost died from embarrassment when Orophin had caught him in the act of touching himself. He had seldom felt as intimated and confused as when he had felt back then, but Orophin had risen to the challenge and had explained everything to him with remarkably patience.

 

When they had returned home in the afternoon, his embarrassment had disappeared and new understanding had formed. At least now he understood that something natural had happened and that it was nothing to be ashamed of. He still felt grateful toward Orophin for handling such a delicate matter in a mature and wise way.

 

/Why now? Why Erestor?/ Sitting upright in bed, he sighed deeply. The advisor was attractive and desirable, and he *was* reacting to Erestor’s presence. /That must be it. A reaction. Nothing else. It will go away again when I no longer need him to guard my sleep./

 

Ecthelion dragged himself out of the bed, feeling confused, miserable, and strangely weak in the knees. /It is only a reaction to his presence. Nothing more./

 

Running a hand through his waist-long hair, he encountered several tangles. But he wasn’t in the mood to go to the Sea to bathe. Not in his current mind set. /I do not have to go to the Sea,/ he realized, /I can use Erestor’s bathtub./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor had prepared breakfast and now briefly returned to his room to change his clothing. The shirt and leggings he had slept in reeked and new, clean clothes were in order. Opening the drawer, he selected a light blue shirt, and he was about to reach for socks when his attention was drawn to a letter, which had apparently been hidden between his clothes.

 

Now that his curiosity had been piqued, he placed the clothes on the bed and sat down, taking the mysterious letter with him. A deep frown appeared on his brow, recognizing the handwriting on the front. Now why would the Wizard leave him a letter when they had only parted a few days ago? Hadn’t they discussed Ecthelion in depth during their journey here? Or did this not concern the reborn Captain of the Fountain? Intrigued, he broke the seal, unfolded the paper and began to read.

 

Erestor,

 

You are probably wondering why there is a letter tucked away between your garments. I trust the Valar to guide your hands when the time is right.

 

By now, you have met Ecthelion and you have probably gathered that he is a brave, but troubled youngster. At his birth, Celeborn, Galadriel and I decided to keep the worst parts of his past from him until he was strong enough to face them.

 

And the moment of truth is coming closer for Ecthelion.

 

Knowing you, Erestor, you are still wondering why we chose you for this task. There are several reasons and I will disclose one of them to you. We trust in your wisdom and judgment. We want *you* to choose the moment when to tell Ecthelion about Gondolin and Glorfindel. We realized a long time ago that Ecthelion needed to know before he reached his majority, but we are too well-trained in keeping the truth from him. You, on the other hand, look at him in a different way.

 

You have hereby permission to tell him what you think is necessary. But make your choices carefully, Erestor. Remember he is still very young. Maybe it would be a good idea to dose all information and to lead him through it step by step.

 

There is one last thing you should know, Erestor. Once Ecthelion knows the truth, his memory will be restored and with that the desire will come to be reunited with Glorfindel. He will want to travel to Imladris and you are to accompany him.

 

We are entrusting Ecthelion to you, Erestor, and we want you to know one more thing. We know the future. We know what will happen. We have seen it in Galadriel’s mirror. There will be times when you will experience despair, but always trust in us. Trust in us, Erestor.

 

Mithrandir

 

Erestor read the letter a second time, just to make sure he understood correctly. /They want *me* to tell him!/ Hadn’t he unwillingly made a start last night when he had told Ecthelion about his death?

 

He folded the letter and carefully hid it beneath his pillow, contemplating its content. He understood – to a certain degree – why they had chosen him for this task, and he even felt comfortable with it, now that he had been given permission to reveal the past to Ecthelion, but what puzzled him were Mithrandir’s last words; trust in us.

 

Why was it so important for Mithrandir to stress that? Did the Wizard foresee problems and was Mithrandir trying to encourage him? /I do not know Mithrandir’s intentions in this matter, but at least I now have permission to tell Ecthelion./ He briefly closed his eyes, remembering the way the Last Homely House looked in the morning when it was still shrouded in mist. /Ecthelion will want to go there… Aye, Mithrandir is right. He will want to be reunited with Glorfindel./

 

Erestor opened his eyes and considered everything he had learned. Ecthelion wasn’t ready yet to learn the whole truth. Mithrandir’s advice was wise; he would feed the younger Elf tiny bits of information. /Aye, that is the best way./ He would carefully lead Ecthelion toward the truth.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Where was Ecthelion? The younger Elf wasn’t in his rooms and Erestor had had the impression that his charge made a point of never being late for his morning run or breakfast. So where was he?

 

Erestor, dressed in comfortable leggings and a shirt, stood silent, listening to the sounds echoing through the cottage. Water… He heard splashing water, mixed with amused chuckling. /Ah, sounds like he discovered the luxury of having a bathtub in the house./ Erestor walked down the corridor and knocked on the door to the bathroom. “Ecthelion?”

 

Ecthelion looked up, trying to push away the foam that had formed when he had poured in a generous – too generous – amount of Erestor’s bath oil. “Aye?”

 

“Breakfast is ready.” Erestor grinned, hearing Ecthelion curse softly.

 

“I am late then!” Just how much time had passed since he had sat down in the bathtub?

 

“Join me in five minutes in the kitchen.” Still giggling, Erestor headed for the kitchen. /I am corrupting him,/ he mused, amused, /Only a few days ago he preferred the Sea!/

 

Inside the bathroom, Ecthelion pushed himself to his feet, watching foam slide down his body. He felt warm, relaxed, and was bursting with energy. He hoped Erestor had planned some outdoor activities instead of studying, for this energy needed a way out!

 

Grabbing hold of a soft towel, he rubbed his skin dry, wrapped another towel around his long hair and then dressed in the tunic and leggings he had brought from his room. He was fairly decent again and the only thing that still needed tending to was his hair. Removing the towel, the wet mass of raven locks tumbled down his back. He took hold of his comb and tried to rid himself of the last few tangles.

 

His fingers moved through the dark curtain of hair, wishing he was already allowed to braid it like a warrior. But he was only allowed to wear it loose or in a pony tail for now. Ecthelion grabbed one of the leather ties and forced his hair into one tight pony tail so his hair wouldn’t be in the way until it was dry.

 

Drawing in a deep breath, he tried to suppress the attraction he still felt toward Erestor. An attraction, which had made him hard this very morning. Maybe asking Erestor to sleep in the same bed with him had been a mistake. A mistake, which he ought to render tonight.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“What are your plans for today?” Ecthelion munched his eggs happily, devouring the fresh bread and milk. Erestor sat opposite him, nibbling on his bread and cheese and sipping his morning tea. The advisor seemed to have abandoned the robes, which he had worn when they had first met and now more resembled a warrior than a scholar. Erestor had even braided his hair, which was a first, and Ecthelion wished he could wear his hair in a similar fashion.

 

“We will spend most of the day outside,” said Erestor, realizing Ecthelion’s need to leave the confines of the cottage. “Archery practice first, swimming later.”

 

“And what about the horses?” Ecthelion took a large bite out of the buttered bread, topped with honey. “Will we also go horseback riding?”

 

“Maybe,” said Erestor, “Much depends on your ability to find out their names.” He hoped that comment would distract Ecthelion from whatever was bothering his charge. There was a strange kind of unease about Ecthelion, which he couldn’t explain.

 

“Finding out their names?” Ecthelion moved closer.

 

Erestor smiled. “The merchant gave them names, but those are not their real ones. They told me, but you have not yet mastered the ability to talk to them. So I will teach you.”

 

“Talk to horses? What about other animals?” Excited, Ecthelion tried to explore all possibilities this option presented.

 

“Aye, we can communicate with all animals, but you never learned to do so. I am surprised they did not teach you.” Erestor finished his tea and began cleaning up the breakfast table.

 

Ecthelion was quickly on his feet to help the elder Elf. “But you will? You will teach me?”

 

“Aye, I will.” Erestor reached for his boots and slipped into them. “Are you ready for today’s lessons?” Ecthelion radiated impatience, energy, and the desire to please. This was one eager student! Maybe even more eager than Estel had been!

 

“More than ready!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor shook his head at seeing Ecthelion’s tense shoulders. The arrow – not surprisingly – missed its target. “Try it this way.” Coming up from behind the younger Elf, he remained standing behind him, and steadied his arm. “You need to take the wind and the speed of the arrow into consideration.”

 

Ecthelion trembled, feeling Erestor this close to him. The elder Elf’s breath caressed his hair whilst Erestor talked and the soft movement of air made him tense up even more. How was he supposed to concentrate when Erestor was this close and distracting him? The attraction he had realized that morning was increasing and he had found himself blushing during their archery practice. He had to admit that Erestor knew what he was talking about. The elder Elf had demonstrated some impressive hits and Ecthelion was eager to learn, but Erestor’s presence was making that hard.

 

/Oh, why did I have to think that?/ A certain part of him was growing hard. He released the arrow and it even hit its target, for which Ecthelion felt grateful, for now Erestor stepped away from him and he felt like he could finally breathe again.

 

This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all. How was he supposed to be a good student when Erestor was such a distraction?

 

Erestor had registered Ecthelion’s unease at having him that close, but was at a loss to explain it. Ecthelion had snuggled up to him last night and now it seemed he couldn’t bear having him close. What was he missing? What had happened during the night? /I did not misbehave in any way, did I? Did I offend him somehow?/ 

Puzzled, Erestor decided not to question Ecthelion just yet and to give the younger Elf some personal time and space. They had practically been joined at the hip since his arrival.

 

“That was much better,” said Erestor, praising his student. “And with that shot today’s archery lesson ends.” He heard the distinct sigh of relief that Ecthelion released and again he wondered about that. “Maybe you would like to go to the Sea for a swim? Or make up for the morning run you missed?”

 

Ecthelion seemed tempted to do just that, but there was a question in his gray eyes that demanded an answer first. Erestor obliged him. “I need to write some letters to Lord Elrond and his family. I will meet you again for dinner.” Again, Ecthelion seemed relieved. /Most odd./

 

Erestor watched Ecthelion take off in a run. /He is running away from me in more ways than one. Why?/ Erestor was at a loss to explain this and sat down on the grass, allowing Arien to warm him. A soft breeze played hide and seek with strands of his long hair and he focused within. What had he done to drive Ecthelion away?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When Ecthelion returned to the cottage that evening – just in time for dinner – he had regained control over his raging emotions. Running and swimming had allowed him to release his pent-up energy and he felt much calmer now. He also realized he owed Erestor an apology for the way he had taken off. But apologizing also held the danger of Erestor requesting they discussed this matter. And discussing his growing attraction was something Ecthelion wasn’t prepared to do yet. So, in the end, he hoped that Erestor would let the matter rest and not question him.

 

“Ah, there you are. You are just in time.” Erestor placed dinner on the table and gestured for Ecthelion to join him. “I was about to go looking for you.” Studying his charge, he found that Ecthelion appeared more composed. A lot of tension had left the younger Elf’s body.

 

Although Ecthelion was hungry, seeing Erestor’s worried expression almost took his appetite away. /He is worried about me,/ he realized, feeling guilty. But he still wasn’t ready to discuss what really troubled him. Instead, he opted for distraction. “I have had time to think and I was hoping you would teach me how to play the flute.”

 

Erestor arched an eyebrow, remembering the sound of flutes had brought on Ecthelion’s nightmares before. “Do you think that wise?”

 

Ecthelion’s expression darkened. “Maybe not, as I do not own a flute. Only a lyre.” But he remembered seeing a flute in Erestor’s room. Would the elder Elf lend it to him?

 

“You can use mine.” Erestor hadn’t expected this question and realized Ecthelion had given their conversation a different turn than he had intended. Not allowing his charge to distract him any longer, Erestor asked, “Did I offend you in any way last night? This morning you acted... differently.”

 

Ecthelion swallowed hard, trying to rid himself of his rising nervousness now that Erestor seemed determined to address his behavior. He knew it wasn’t the right to do – to lie – but felt he had no other option left. “Yesterday, before we went to sleep you revealed so much to me.” He even dared raising his eyes to meet Erestor’s dark ones. “I am still trying to accept everything you told me. It makes me feel unbalanced and aye, I have been acting oddly because of it.”

 

/That is *not* the truth,/ knew Erestor instinctively, but he didn’t want to question Ecthelion further – not yet. “I will teach you the flute,” he said eventually, “And if you desire so, I will tell you more about Imladris.”

 

“And Mirkwood as well? They never told me much about that realm.”

 

Erestor nodded. “Aye, Mirkwood as well. And Thranduil.”

 

Ecthelion had heard that name before and nodded enthusiastically. “Please do.”

 

“Then seat yourself near the fireplace and I will join you in a moment.” Erestor watched Ecthelion snuggle beneath the blanket he had put on the couch. The tension that had tormented Ecthelion earlier that day was gone now. /Let us hope it will stay that way./ He had no desire to alienate Ecthelion. If only he knew what he had done wrong in the first place!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

How they had ever drifted from discussing Mirkwood to his personal life would always remain a riddle to Erestor, who suddenly found himself facing personal questions.

 

Ecthelion knew he was being bold – forward even – but he wanted to know! “Is your family still in Imladris? And don’t they miss you?”

 

Erestor drew in a deep, steadying breath. He sensed Ecthelion’s honest interest in him and found himself answering the questions. “I do not have any family left, Ecthelion. But thankfully Lord Elrond accepted me into his.”

 

Saddened, Ecthelion bowed his head, realizing he had unwillingly opened old wounds. “You are all alone? What about your parents?”

 

“Their fëar left for the Halls of Waiting a long time ago, Ecthelion, and I never had any siblings.” Surprisingly enough, he felt comfortable discussing this.

 

“And you do not have any children either,” recalled Ecthelion. Biting his bottom lip, he asked the one question that had been on his mind for the entire day. “Do you have a beloved in Imladris?”

 

Erestor’s eyes widened at the unexpected question. Where had that come from?

 

“I apologize if I am being forward, but I found myself wondering…” Ecthelion gave Erestor a pleading look.

 

Erestor studied Ecthelion in turn. Although the question put to him was highly personal and not to mention inappropriate, he couldn’t find a reason not to answer it. “I do not have a mate, Ecthelion.”

 

“But you had one once?” Hadn’t Erestor mentioned having nightmares about losing his beloved at the War of the Last Alliance?

 

“I do not wish to discuss my past,” Erestor said in a stern voice, drawing the line. His past was his – and too personal to share.

 

Ecthelion took the hint and grew quiet – for the moment. At least he now had the answer he had craved to learn. Erestor was still available. Why that mattered so much to him, he didn’t know. It wasn’t like the elder Elf would ever be interested in someone as young as him. But it still made him hopeful that he might win Erestor’s heart one day.

 

/What am I thinking?/ Ecthelion's eyes widened, as he fully realized what direction his thoughts were taking. /I am an Elfling to him! I have not reached my majority yet! And to make things even worse, he is my tutor. They entrusted me to him! I cannot fall in love with him! And what is love? Is it merely lusting after him? Or is it wanting to fall asleep in his arms… Inhaling his scent and…/ His thoughts took off in a hundred directions simultaneously, leaving him dazed and confused.

 

Erestor was at a loss as well, wondering what was wrong with his charge. One moment Ecthelion had been talking to him and now the expression in those gray eyes told him that the younger Elf’s thoughts had strayed far away. What was he supposed to do? In the end, he took hold of the flute and began to play a reassuring and comforting melody, hoping to draw Ecthelion out of the trance he had fallen in.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“That was beautiful.” When Ecthelion had first registered the flute he had almost panicked, worried as he was that the sound would spark unpleasant memories, but nothing like that had happened. Surprised, he wondered about the weak blush that appeared on Erestor’s cheeks.

 

“Elrond composed it millennia ago.” Elrond had composed it for a reason though; the melody had been designed to soothe him when he had learned of the death of his lover. Elrond had stayed with him during those first few trying nights and had pulled him through.

 

“Do you compose music yourself?”

 

“I used to, but that was a long time ago,” said Erestor, trying to remember his compositions.

 

“Would you play one of your songs for me?”

 

“I am not certain I still remember one… So much time has passed.” Erestor shook his head, and handed the flute to Ecthelion, instead of complying with the younger Elf’s request. “I will teach you the basics of playing the flute. You will be composing your own music shortly.”

 

Dazed, Ecthelion stared at the silver instrument that now rested in his hands. Memories, sounds, songs and music raced through his mind and when he put the flute against his lips, his fingers moved without thinking.

 

Erestor listened entranced to the magical music that echoed through the living room. And he had thought Ecthelion still needed to learn how to play the flute! Pressing deeper into the comfort of the couch, he surrendered to the beauty of the music, allowing it to take him away from here and to relive the enchantment Glorfindel must have felt when listening to this master flutist.

 

The music ended and Ecthelion tore himself away from the wonder that had befallen him. Looking at Erestor, he saw an ecstatic impression in the brown eyes. His music had apparently pleased the elder Elf and that made Ecthelion proud in turn.

 

“You are the master, and I am the humble student,” said Erestor, eventually, blinking once.

 

Ecthelion blushed intensely at hearing Erestor paying him such a compliment. “I do not know what happened. My fingers moved automatically. I was not thinking.”

 

“Maybe some of your former skill has returned,” offered Erestor. “You were one of the most talented musicians on Arda in your first life.”

 

“So you enjoyed listening to my music?” Ecthelion met Erestor’s gaze, in spite of the fact that he was still blushing.

 

“Oh, I enjoyed it very much. I hope you will play again for me some day.”

 

“Maybe tomorrow evening?”

 

Erestor nodded once. “I would like that.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The awkward silence returned when it was time to retire for the night. They stood in the corridor, in front of the door to Ecthelion’s room, and Erestor felt nervous. Too nervous to offer to keep Ecthelion company during the night, remembering the odd behavior the younger Elf had displayed for most of the day. “What do you wish for, Ecthelion? Do you want me close tonight or…?”

 

Ecthelion felt cornered. “I would like that, but…” Horrified, he realized he had spoken that what he had only wanted to think. Fortunately he had caught himself just in time before saying /but I am afraid I will embarrass us by growing hard again. I do not want to make you feel uncomfortable./

 

Making up his mind, Ecthelion opened the door, entered his room, and then stepped aside to let Erestor enter.

 

Erestor wondered about Ecthelion’s behavior, but his instincts told him not to address it.

 

They undressed in silence and Erestor slipped between the covers first. Ecthelion followed a moment later, but his movement was hesitant and, Erestor registered, strangely shy. Such timidity was new to Ecthelion. What was making the younger Elf act in this way?

 

Whilst Ecthelion had snuggled up to him last night, the Elf now balanced precariously on the other side of the bed. Erestor repressed a sigh and shook his head, something that Ecthelion couldn’t see as the younger Elf was on his side, back turned toward him.

 

Something profound had changed between them since last night and Erestor was at a loss to explain it. He realized there was only one way to find out what was troubling Ecthelion. /I will have to ask him./ There was no way out of discussing this.


	7. Chapter 7

Part 7

 

/So, *that* is the reason why he is afraid to allow me close./ Erestor had woken early and had found his arms full. Sometime during the night, Ecthelion had snuggled up to him, possessively wrapping arms and legs around him and effectively keeping him in place. Ecthelion’s tight embrace didn’t allow for much space between them and Erestor had immediately noticed the erection pressed against his thigh. Every now and then Ecthelion rubbed his lower body against him and released soft purrs. /Aye, this answers my question./ Ecthelion had probably woken aroused yesterday morning and that had caused him to put more distance between them. /Now that I have solved this puzzle, I need to find out how to handle this situation./ This *was* a delicate matter.

 

“Oh… Erestorrrrr,” Ecthelion purred, pressing himself as close as possible to his bed partner.

 

/I should feel flattered,/ thought Erestor, /It has been quite a while since someone wanted me in that way./ But waking up like that would embarrass Ecthelion. /We have to deal with this./ Yesterday morning he had left the bed before Ecthelion had woken up, but he wouldn’t do that now. He would help Ecthelion deal with this and he remained in place, patiently waiting for the younger Elf to wake up.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Oh, the horror! Ecthelion had woken only a moment ago, but pretended he was still asleep. His worst dream had come true, finding himself wrapped around Erestor whilst painfully hard. And he was wrapped so tightly around the elder Elf that Erestor *had* to feel the erection pressed against him. /What do I do? Oh, please help me!/ But the Valar didn’t intervene and left him to deal with his predicament.

 

Ecthelion was afraid to move, as he didn’t want Erestor to wake up. Maybe if he tried hard enough his erection would fade and then he could leave the bed without hugely embarrassing himself – and Erestor.

 

Was Erestor still asleep? Or just feigning sleep, like he was?

 

“Ecthelion? There is no reason for you to be embarrassed. This happens to all of us.” Erestor had given the younger Elf a moment to compose himself and hoped to talk about this calmly.

 

Ecthelion’s eyes widened at hearing Erestor’s voice. /He is awake! And he knows!/ Blushing to the roots of his hair, he didn’t trust his voice to answer. Why couldn’t the floor open and swallow him and spare him this embarrassment?

 

“It just means your body is that of an adult’s now. Ecthelion, having a morning erection is nothing to be ashamed of. And I certainly do not hold it against you.”

 

Erestor sounded calm and understanding and Ecthelion finally found the courage to lift his eyes to meet Erestor’s gaze. Seeing the smile on the elder Elf’s face, he relaxed slightly. “I do not want you to feel uncomfortable.”

 

“I do not,” said Erestor, reassuringly. “Do not be surprised when it happens to me one morning as well. We cannot always control the urges of our body, Ecthelion.”

 

Ecthelion felt somewhat relieved, but he was still worried that Erestor might also discover that he had feelings for the elder Elf. Only *beginning* feelings of love, but still, feelings. He savored this closeness a moment longer and eventually managed a warm smile. /You are very handsome, Erestor. I wonder why you have no beloved in Imladris. Surely Elves flock around you, trying to gain your favor./ But he didn’t dare speak those words aloud.

 

“Is this the reason why you acted so distant yesterday?” asked Erestor, fairly certain of the answer he would receive.

 

“Aye. I did not want to embarrass you. I did not know how you would react to finding me… aroused… beside you.” He nearly choked on that one word.

 

“Do not worry too much, Ecthelion.” Erestor smiled, and began to free himself of Ecthelion’s embrace.

 

Once more feeling embarrassed – this time for his tendency to cling to the advisor – he quickly opened his arms to release Erestor. “Thank you for your understanding.”

 

“Even I was young at one time,” said Erestor, chuckling, “and I remember what it was like. You should enjoy this time and not brood over it. Your body has woken and a time of exploration is upon you. Do not feel hesitant to explore, Ecthelion. You should know your body.”

 

“You sound a lot like Orophin.”

 

“Orophin?” Erestor arched an eyebrow and allowed Ecthelion to sit upright. The younger Elf first turned his back toward him, sitting on the edge of the bed, but then changed his position and sat cross-legged on the bed, looking at him with a hint of apprehension in the gray eyes.

 

“Aye, Orophin gave me almost exactly the same speech a few years ago. We had been hunting in the woods when we woke in a similar fashion as today.” Ecthelion blushed. “He was very understanding as well.” Ecthelion stared at Erestor when the elder Elf swept back waist-long, raven hair so he could sit upright as well. Erestor’s scent was all around him and Ecthelion even smelt the spicy fragrance on his own skin – his own hair – and found he wasn’t looking forward to taking a bath. That precious scent would then be washed away.

 

“Orophin is a very wise Elf, then,” said Erestor in a light voice. He stretched, trying to steer away from this conversation now that the matter had been dealt with. “We will have breakfast and then give the horses their daily exercise.”

 

Ecthelion’s eyes shone with interest, remembering a promise Erestor had made. “You promised to teach me how to communicate with them.”

 

“I will,” said Erestor, rising from the bed. “Meet me in the kitchen in fifteen minutes.” They both needed to freshen up, change their clothes and eat before setting out for the day.

 

Leaving Ecthelion’s room, Erestor realized that his carefully planned study roster for his charge needed revision. Instead of studying the books he had brought with him from Imladris, he had to plan much more outside activities, like horseback riding, archery lessons, swords play, running and swimming. And strangely enough, he didn’t really mind. He had been a warrior before he became a scholar and his body was beginning to remember it liked the exercise and fresh air. /Glorfindel would love to see me like this! He always told me to exchange my study for the outdoors!/ Amused, he headed for his room to change his clothes. He was already looking forward to spending the day with Ecthelion.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion was racking his brain. How was he supposed to communicate with this horse? Erestor’s instructions had been clear, but he found it hard to reach out in the way the elder Elf had described. The gray horse, which was to be his, watched him with curious, large eyes, and stood in front of him, as if waiting for instructions.

 

Erestor was already seated on the black stallion’s back. He had taken pity on Ecthelion and the younger Elf now only needed to discover the gray horse’s name. But even that seemed an impossible task to his charge. /Patience, Vorndir. The young one needs to learn./

 

“I do not know how to do this!” Ecthelion was growing frustrated and glared at Erestor. “I cannot do this!”

 

“You can,” said Erestor, telling Vorndir to move closer to Ecthelion. “You need to clear and open your mind to him. Do not force it.”

 

“That is easier said than done!” scolded Ecthelion. Gathering his courage once more, he cleared his mind like Galadriel had taught him a long time ago and tried to open up to the gray. In the end, his courage and patience was rewarded when he finally sensed the horse in his mind, and with that realization a name came to him. “Rohaer?”

 

Erestor smiled, extremely pleased that his charge had succeeded. “Aye, his name is sea horse.”

 

“I did it!” Enthusiastically, Ecthelion rubbed his horse’s nose. “Thank you for cooperating.” And yes, he sensed Rohaer’s mind now; the stallion’s amusement and approval. Next, he turned to Erestor. “Thank you for teaching me!”

 

Erestor nodded and smiled at his charge. “You are ready to mount now.”

 

Ecthelion wasted no time and swung himself onto Rohaer’s back. These last few days had been full of pleasant surprises and Erestor was the most pleasant surprise of all. He had never planned to lose his heart to the elder Elf and he had even made an attempt to fight it, but he was falling in love with Erestor, and his heart now beat a faster rhythm; one, which was filled with desire and longing.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Their dinner consisted of freshly picked berries, a handful of nuts, and fish, which Erestor had caught bare-handed. Ecthelion had watched him enviously, as catching fish in that way was one skill he hadn’t mastered yet and he was always eager to learn.

 

“Turn the fish over,” said Erestor, who now slipped out off his boots so his socks and leggings could dry.

 

Ecthelion complied. With one eye he watched the fish so it wouldn’t burn and the other remained fixed on Erestor. If the elder Elf noticed the attention he was getting, he didn’t show it, for which Ecthelion was grateful. Erestor was turning into an obsession to him. He just knew what Haldir would say, seeing him like this.

 

The guardian had always teased him with his youthful enthusiasm. Haldir would be most amused about this. /And he would encourage me./ But then again, Haldir had never hidden the fact that he loved to flirt. The Galadhel had even once taken him apart and given him ‘advise’ in the matter of the heart. Ecthelion had blushed, realizing Haldir was trying to explain to him how to woo – or seduce, according to Haldir – an Elf.

 

But he wasn’t seriously considering wooing Erestor, was he? It was a tempting thought, but he couldn’t give in. Erestor was his tutor; an adult. /And he does not have feelings for me in turn. He is not falling in love with me. I am chanceless./

 

But maybe he wasn’t as chanceless as he thought he was, for Erestor found himself watching Ecthelion in turn. The youth’s unbridled enthusiasm and pure heart were charming assets, which drew him close like a moth to a flame. But contrary to Ecthelion, he smothered any attraction he felt, repressing it. So it remained buried in his subconscious, never making it to the surface of his mind.

 

Ecthelion continued to turn the fish, until it was nicely grilled and ready to be eaten. Sharing the fish, berries and nuts, they ate their fill, enjoying their little ‘picnic’.

 

Erestor distinctly noticed the calm Ecthelion radiated. The tension had left the younger Elf after their talk that morning and he seemed more at ease around him. “Maybe we could find a suitable spot and spent the night out here?” Ecthelion’s smile almost blinded him.

 

“We could listen to the sounds of the Sea at night! The sound of waves does not quite reach inside the cottage.” He liked the idea of camping out here!

 

“We are agreed then.” Erestor finished his meal and stretched, grinding his back into the earth until he was comfortable. “What do you think of this spot?”

 

“It would do,” replied Ecthelion, forcing himself to seriously evaluate their current location. It was shielded from wind and rain, as they were camping under an overhanging cliff and the Sea couldn’t reach them here. “We might even build a small fire.”

 

“I daresay there are no enemies close, so we might risk a fire,” said Erestor, giving Ecthelion a wink.

 

That wink was Ecthelion’s undoing. Swooning, he stared at Erestor; his hormones raging wild and free. How was he ever going to control his desires? But he didn’t have much choice. His feelings for Erestor had to remain a secret.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

During the night, Erestor woke briefly because Ecthelion was moving about in his sleep. A smile formed on his face, seeing Ecthelion move closer and closer. If his memory didn’t deceive him the younger Elf had lain down opposite him, not beside him. He chuckled softly, careful not to wake his charge. It almost seemed Ecthelion was drawn to him, and to be honest, Erestor didn’t really mind. Having a warm body pressed close against him was comfortable, and the trust that Ecthelion apparently had in him, honored him. /I won’t let you down./

 

Ecthelion seemed to receive that thought, moving closer and he smiled in his sleep. Even in his sleep, he registered Erestor’s soothing presence.

 

But at the same time, Erestor registered something else as well. A sense of dread washed over him. An immediate threat – very close already – was advancing on them. A wall of evil rolled toward him, almost choking him with its dark magic. By the Valar, what was this? He drew in a deep breath and focused within, reaching out with his Elven abilities. His eyes widened when a memory hit him. /Nazgûl!/

 

What in Elbereth’s name were the Nazgûl doing here? /I have to wake Ecthelion! We present an easy target this way!/ But how to wake the younger Elf without scaring him or making him panic? /Ecthelion, wake up. Wake up now!/

 

Ecthelion’s eyes instantly filled with awareness and stared at Erestor in wonder. He hadn’t done *it* again, had he? But no, he wasn’t hard! Then what…? And then he felt it too. Evil. Evil that reeked of old death and decay and it almost made him nauseous. Wide-eyed, he stared at Erestor, and only now did he register the fact that he had heard the elder Elf’s thoughts. Did it work both ways? /What do we do?/

 

Erestor was grateful they had left the cottage armed, as he had wanted to practice archery and sword fighting. Reaching for his sword now, he asked himself that question. Aye, what should they do? He couldn’t possible hope to outrun the creatures of darkness. The Nazgûl would hunt them down. /We will have to face them./ Just how many of them were here?

 

Ecthelion paled visibly. /Fight them?/

 

/We do not have a choice, I am afraid./ Erestor steeled his nerves, and recalled his dealings with the undead creatures at Mount Orodruin. /They cannot die, Ecthelion, but they can be momentarily defeated./ Later, he could wonder how the Nazgûl had found them in the first place and why they thought Ecthelion so important that they would come for the younger warrior.

 

Ecthelion firmly clasped his fingers around the hilt of his sword. Suddenly all his training seemed so useless. How could he possibly hope to defeat one of the Nazgûl?

 

/Stay behind me, Ecthelion. Let me do the fighting. They are here for you and I will be damned if I will let them have you./ Erestor felt fiercely protective of his charge and he would die in order to make sure Ecthelion survived. He gestured for the younger Elf to follow him, when he soundlessly sneaked toward the horses. If only they could mount them before the Nazgûl were upon them!

 

A sudden gale of wind almost swept Erestor off his feet, and when he looked toward the dark, midnight heaven, he immediately made out the shape of the drake and its rider. /Run for the horses, Ecthelion, and try to get away./ Erestor reached for bow and arrow and aimed at the drake’s head, right between the eyes.

 

Ecthelion was torn inwardly. He didn’t want Erestor to face their enemy alone! Hadn’t the elder Elf told him he had the makings of a great warrior? And that he had been a great warrior once? Warriors didn’t run away when faced with the enemy. /Nay!/

 

Erestor cursed privately. Why did Ecthelion have to choose this moment to grow up and protest? He didn’t have the time to discuss this, or make Ecthelion obey as the drake was close enough for the hit. Releasing the arrow, he reached for another one, letting it fly after the first. They might have a chance of escape if they could dispose of the drake.

 

The huge reptile shrieked when the arrows hit their target. The iron tips of the arrows easily penetrated soft brain tissue. No longer able to fly, it crashed onto the ground; one last contraction moving through its body.

 

/Ecthelion, mount your horse and leave! That’s an order!/ Erestor didn’t dare take his eyes off of the Nazgûl, who now rose in dreadful majesty after deserting his dead mount. The undead creature raised his sword, aiming it forebodingly at Erestor.

 

Ecthelion stood still, watching the creature as well. His long, torn black cloak was the one thing that gave the undead King his shape and when he looked into the hood, he saw only darkness. Dread tried to paralyze him, but he fought the horrible sensation, determined not to give into it. /I am not leaving you to fight him alone!/

 

Erestor gnashed his teeth. He would deal with Ecthelion’s disobedience later. First, he had to buy them time by defeating the wraith.

 

It was exactly at that moment that the Nazgûl attacked. His sword landed with a tremendous force on Erestor’s, almost causing the Elf’s sword to break in two. But Erestor moved with the force, turned, and used the impact to his advantage. Launching his own attack, he called upon his knowledge of earlier confrontations with the Nazgûl to guide him.

 

Ecthelion was unable to stand back any longer. He had seen the force behind that blow and just knew Erestor couldn’t defeat the Nazgûl on his own. But the two of them might stand a chance. Charging the Nazgûl from the side, he concentrated on aiding Erestor and staying out of the undead creature’s reach.

 

Erestor’s heart missed a beat, seeing Ecthelion join in the fight. /I told you to leave!/

 

/You cannot defeat him alone! Working together, we might have a chance!/

 

The Nazgûl released a shriek and then intensified the attack, aiming most of his blows at Ecthelion now, driving the younger Elf back.

 

Erestor cursed beneath his breath. This was exactly what he had hoped to avoid! The Nazgûl was now targeting Ecthelion! Releasing a battle cry that had served him well when he had fought these creatures at Mount Orodruin, he charged with all of his might.

 

The wraith swayed briefly under the onslaught of Erestor’s attack and was forced to target the elder Elf now.

 

Erestor drew the undead King away from Ecthelion, but the younger Elf didn’t understand and charged again. /Leave, Ecthelion. It is *you* that he wants and you are making it way too easy by fighting him!/

 

/I know that! But I am not leaving you, Erestor!/ Fighting the Nazgûl was wearing him down, but he refused to give up. They would either leave alive, or be slain by the creature, but they would survive or die together!

 

Erestor’s eyes widened in alarm when the Nazgûl turned and attacked Ecthelion. He couldn’t allow that and flung himself between them.

 

Ecthelion released a started yelp, finding Erestor shielding him with his body. He wanted to yell a warning at the elder Elf, but his vocal chords refused to produce any sound.

 

The Nazgûl’s sword descended onto Erestor, cutting deeply into the Elf’s back. The wraith shrieked excitedly and twisted the blade cruelly in the Elf’s flesh.

 

Something snapped inside Ecthelion seeing Erestor collapse onto the ground. The elder Elf’s eyes revealed pain and shock, but no scream left his lips. Ecthelion screamed his fury and drove his sword into the cloaked form.

 

The Nazgûl realized his predicament too late. As his sword was still buried in Erestor’s flesh, he was wide open for an attack and Ecthelion took advantage of that. Enraged, he tried to fight back, but a second hit forced him to retreat and he let the two Elves be for the moment. At least he had managed to take out Ecthelion’s protector. Disappearing, the cloak floated onto the ground, where it remained laying, motionless.

 

Dazed, Ecthelion poked the cloak with the tip of his sword, making sure their attacker had disappeared. Once he was convinced that they were safe for now, he knelt beside Erestor’s crumbled form to check on him. “Erestor? Please be alive…” He offered a prayer to the Valar before turning Erestor toward him. “Ai!” Erestor had lost consciousness, but even in oblivion his face was contorted in pain. The chocolate brown eyes clearly showed pain and terror, and tears had gathered in them.

 

“I will take care of you,” promised Ecthelion, but he didn’t feel as confident as he sounded. Galadriel had taught him first aid techniques, but he didn’t have any bandages, healing salves or herbs close. Blood formed a crimson stain on Erestor’s shirt and Ecthelion used his dagger to cut the fabric in two, revealing the wound. Nausea almost took him, seeing the amount of damage the Nazgûl blade had done. “I want to take care of you, but I do not know how,” he realized, his insides knotting with apprehension. “I need your help, Erestor.”

 

But Erestor remained unconscious and Ecthelion had no other choice than to deal with this situation on his own.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I do not want to leave you alone, but I have no choice. I need to *try* to find some healing plants.” Ecthelion had long realized that Erestor wasn’t strong enough to be transported and needed to be taken care of here and now. One look had also told him that Vorndir had taken off. Rohaer was still close, watching them with knowing eyes.

 

Ecthelion built another small fire and moved Erestor closer to it, carrying the elder Elf with the utmost care. Kneeling beside him, Ecthelion brushed the damp, raven hair away from Erestor’s face. A layer of cold sweat had formed on Erestor’s body and the elder Elf mumbled feverishly. But the words were whispers and made no sense.

 

“Ada? Naneth? Where are you when I need you?” Celeborn and Galadriel had taught him how to care for a wounded person, but he felt inadequate now. “I won’t let you down,” he said, repeating his earlier promise. “I won’t. I will be back shortly. Please hold on, Erestor.” Using his own riding cloak, he tucked the fabric around Erestor’s trembling form.

 

He didn’t want to leave Erestor alone, but he needed water and healing herbs. His features contorted with inner torment when he left Erestor in order to search for the plants he needed. Fortunately, he happened about spring water rather quickly and he filled the water skins. Carefully draping them over his shoulders, he continued his search. He felt relieved when finding some of the herbs, which he needed most and quickly returned to Erestor.

 

He placed the water skins on the ground next to him and uncovered the roots of the healing plants, which he had harvested. Rubbing the roots between his fingertips until they released their bitter scent, he opened the water skins. He ripped shreds from his riding cloak, drenched them in the water and determinedly cleaned Erestor’s wound. “Oh, may the Valar protect you!”

 

If only Erestor would regain consciousness and tell him what to do! But Erestor shook violently, the pupils dilated and the mumbling continued. Occasionally, Erestor suffered convulsions and Ecthelion had to stop cleaning the wound in order to restrain him so he couldn’t hurt himself further.

 

“Please, Erestor…” His gray eyes released fat tears, afraid as he was that Erestor might die. “I am not ready to lose you!”

 

Once the convulsions had stopped he continued to clean the wound. After removing most of the blood and dirt, he pressed the now moist roots onto the inflamed flesh. Gently, he pulled Erestor into a sitting position and dressed the wound with fabric from his riding cloak. “That is all I can do for now, Erestor.”

 

And no one knew they were in trouble. Mithrandir wasn’t due back for weeks and his friends in the Golden Wood knew nothing of their predicament. They were stuck out here – alone.

 

“Once you are strong enough I will take you back to the cottage where you can heal.” Ecthelion wanted nothing more than to lie down beside Erestor and hold him, but he didn’t dare do so. What if the Nazgûl returned to finish the job?

 

In the end, Ecthelion succumbed to his desire and hours later, he curled himself protectively around Erestor, holding the shaky body against him in a possessive embrace. He trusted in Rohaer to warn him, should the wraith return.

 

With his sword within reach, he kept a watchful eye on their surroundings. Regularly, he checked on Erestor, but the tremors worsened with every passing hour. “Please stay with me, Erestor. I need you.” Stroking the fever-damp hair away from Erestor’s face, his fingertips caressed the high cheekbones. Lovingly, he traced the outline of the elder Elf’s lips with his thumb. “I cannot lose you now, Erestor, not when I just realized I love you. You have to stay with me.”

 

But Erestor remained unresponsive and continued to tremble against him. Ecthelion prayed to the Valar to allow Erestor to remain on Arda. “Do not take him away from me.”

 

In the end, he lost count of the hours that he spent comforting Erestor – sharing his body warmth with the elder Elf. His lips continuously mumbled praise and prayer to the Valar, who as far as he was concerned were the only ones who could return Erestor to him.

 

Pulling Erestor close, he wrapped arms and legs around the hurting Elf, burying the wounded advisor in a tight hug. “I won’t allow you to leave me. You will stay with me. I need you! I love you!” Just after uttering those last admissions something strange happened. A soft blue light surrounded Erestor’s form and then disappeared into the body.

 

Ecthelion sucked in his breath. What was that? What had he just witnessed? And did it matter? No, nothing mattered except for the fact that Erestor’s next breath sounded steadier -- deeper. “Stay with me, Erestor.”

 

He wanted the dark eyes to open, but they remained close. The convulsions now happened less frequently and Ecthelion grew hopeful that Erestor would survive and return to him.

 

Sounds coming from the shore drew his attention and he reluctantly released Erestor. After tucking the riding cloak back into place, he took hold of his sword, ready to defend the elder Elf until his last breath.

 

Standing on the shore, his eyes narrowed, trying to identify the rider that now approached. /Vorndir must have gone for help,/ he realized, recognizing Erestor’s stallion. That explained part of the puzzle. But who was the Elf on Vorndir’s back? /I have never seen a bearded Elf before,/ mused Ecthelion, slowly lowering his sword. Vorndir seemed to trust his rider, and he in turn trusted the horse’s judgment. This Elf was coming to their aid. /With his help I might be able to take Erestor back to our cottage./

 

Cirdan quickly dismounted, seeing Ecthelion standing protectively in front of Erestor. The advisor had succumbed to the Nazgûl’s onslaught and needed medical attention urgently. It was just as Vorndir had told him. “Peace, Ecthelion, I am a friend.”

 

“You know my name?” Had Erestor not been injured, he would have demanded an explanation, but he didn’t have time for this now. “Erestor is in need of help.”

 

“I gathered that much.” Cirdan walked over to Erestor, sat on his heels and examined the advisor. “He will survive,” he said, relieved. But at the same time he was also puzzled. Such a wound should have ended Erestor’s life, but the advisor was still alive. How was that possible? Looking at Ecthelion, Cirdan realized the young warrior possessed the answer to that question. “Help me. We need to get him onto Vorndir’s back.”

 

Ecthelion felt immensely relieved now that an elder Elf was here to take charge. Although he didn’t know this stranger, his instincts told him to trust him.

 

Together, they managed to place Erestor onto Vorndir’s back. The advisor threatened to fall down and Ecthelion quickly slid into place behind him. Steadying Erestor, he told Vorndir to tread carefully. Now that they were on their way home, and Erestor relatively safely nestled in his arms, Ecthelion addressed the stranger. “Who are you?” Why had Vorndir sought out this particular Elf?

 

“My name is Cirdan. Mithrandir asked me to keep an eye on the two of you. When I heard the Nazgûl’s shrieks I knew you were in danger and Vorndir confirmed my suspicions.”

 

“Cirdan? Cirdan, the shipwright?” Of course! There was only one bearded Elf on Arda! Awed, Ecthelion stared at his savior, thanking the Valar for sending him.


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

 

 

“Carry him into the bedroom!” Cirdan handed Erestor’s unconscious form to Ecthelion, and whilst the younger Elf headed for the bedroom, Cirdan went inside the stable situated behind the cottage, where he knew Mithrandir kept his healing plants and dried herbs. He selected the ones he needed, fetched bandages, and then collected water from the spring. Once he had gathered everything he needed, he made his way into the bedroom, where Ecthelion had placed Erestor’s motionless form on the bed.

 

Looking at the younger Elf, Cirdan recognized the shock and fear in the gray eyes. “He will survive,” he said, reassuringly. Sitting down on the bed, he removed the improvised bandages, the roots of the plant Ecthelion had used and then washed out the wound.

 

Ecthelion felt incapable of even moving his little finger. Now that reality finally registered with him, he realized how close Erestor and he had come to finding death at the Nazgûl’s hand. /I disobeyed. He told me to run and I did not. I stayed to fight./ The next thought actually scared him. /Erestor was injured because of me. Because I chose not to listen to him. He is wounded because of me! What did I do?/ Tears gathered in his eyes, but he fought them back, not wanting to cry when Cirdan might need his assistance in caring for the advisor.

 

Cirdan cast a look in Ecthelion’s direction. The younger Elf’s face was an open book; mirroring every emotion he felt. Guilt, confusion, and the fear of impending loss shone from the widened eyes. “Fetch me a clean shirt, Ecthelion.”

 

Ecthelion acted at once, opened the closet and removed a long shirt, which he then handed to Cirdan. His gaze shifted from the bearded Elf to Erestor; the blank look in those brown eyes made him shudder.

 

Cirdan had cleaned the wound and now asked Ecthelion to support Erestor when sitting upright so he could properly bandage the upper body.

 

“Are you certain he will survive?” Ecthelion shyly looked Cirdan in the eye. “That he won’t die?”

 

“He is strong enough to survive,” said Cirdan, honestly. “Although the injury is grave, it is not mortal.” At least it wasn’t life threatening *anymore*; the old and wise Elf could tell that Erestor had had a brush with death. Something, or rather, *someone* had sufficiently strengthened him to start recovering. /What did you do, Ecthelion?/ No one knew what power housed in the reborn Elf. No one knew what Ecthelion was capable of. But he had the feeling that they were about to find out; Ecthelion strengthening Erestor was just a first taste of the return of the younger Elf’s impressive powers.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You should eat something,” said Cirdan, thoughtfully. “You have been sitting at Erestor’s side for hours now.” Ecthelion’s willpower impressed Cirdan. The younger Elf simply refused to leave Erestor’s side, and had held the advisor’s hand for the entire duration.

 

“I do not wish to leave him,” replied Ecthelion, not even taking his eyes off of Erestor in order to answer Cirdan. He hoped Erestor could sense his presence and that it would urge the advisor to regain consciousness – and to forgive him. Guilt was eating away at him. Why had he disobeyed Erestor’s orders? /But I could not leave him to fight that monstrosity all alone!/ He had been convinced that together they stood a better chance. But Erestor had been wounded because of his stubbornness. “I want to be here when he wakes up.”

 

Cirdan studied Ecthelion closely and what he found in those gray eyes surprised him. “You have come to care a lot for him in the few days Erestor that has been here.” It couldn’t be more than a week since Erestor and Ecthelion had met!

 

“Yes, I do.” A blush spread across his face. He couldn’t possibly hope to fool the much older Elf. He instinctively knew Cirdan would recognize any lies. “Is it wrong to care for him?”

 

Cirdan carefully considered Ecthelion’s question, suddenly realizing the full extent of the younger Elf’s words. If he’d had any doubts until now, they were gone now. “You have fallen in love with him.” It wasn’t that hard to see the adoration in Ecthelion’s. “Is that wrong?”

 

Ecthelion gulped, wishing he had never revealed this to the shipwright. “I should not have said that.”

 

“But you did.” Cirdan moved closer and sat down on the other side of the bed.

 

Ecthelion automatically rubbed Erestor’s hand, trying to comfort the unconscious Elf when Erestor stirred during an unpleasant dream. “Hush, you are safe now.” Ecthelion swallowed hard, recalling Erestor had used the same words to soothe him. Erestor calmed and slipped into a more peaceful state.

 

Cirdan cleared his throat before addressing Ecthelion. “You have chosen a difficult path,” he said, eventually, “One, no one ever suspected you would take.”

 

“By falling in love with Erestor?” Ecthelion frowned; Cirdan’s words made no sense! With whom was he supposed to fall in love with then?

 

“Much will be revealed to you in time,” said Cirdan, cryptically, “And then the pieces of this puzzle will fall into place.”

 

“You are not helping!” Ecthelion knew it wasn’t the polite thing to say, but he was growing frustrated! “Why does everyone keep things from me? Erestor is the only one who ever told me something more about *me*. Who I am… My past.”

 

Cirdan raised an eyebrow; Erestor had already begun to reveal the truth to Ecthelion? He hadn’t expected that to happen so quickly! “Do not force this.”

 

“Erestor told me because he wanted to!” Ecthelion immediately came to the advisor’s defense. “At least now I know why I have those horrific nightmares! Why the music of flutes affects me!”

 

Cirdan tucked the blanket around Erestor’s form and decided it was time to change their subject. “He still has a fever,” he said, after resting his hand on the advisor’s brow. “The poison of the Nazgûl blade burns him.”

 

“Is there anything else I can do?” Ecthelion nervously shifted on the bed. Erestor’s feverish state worried him.

 

Cirdan dipped his fingertips in fresh spring water and used it to moisten Erestor’s lips. “Just continue to do what you are doing now. Sit with him, hold his hand and talk to him.” Cirdan rose from the bed and smiled at the younger Elf. “I will bring you something to eat and drink. We cannot have you lose your strength when Erestor needs you.”

 

Ecthelion smiled, brilliantly, hearing the true meaning behind Cirdan’s words. The elder Elf approved of him keeping vigil at Erestor’s side. “I am thirsty.”

 

Cirdan nodded once, inclined his head in respect for the decision the younger Elf had made and left the room. /This is most unexpected./ How could Ecthelion fall in love with Erestor when the reborn Elf’s heart was said to belong to Glorfindel for all eternity? /He does not remember Glorfindel, but their love was said to be eternal./

 

/But maybe things are different in this life? Is this Ecthelion different from the one who died in Gondolin?/ Of course he was. This Ecthelion had experienced other things than Ecthelion of Gondolin. This was a different person. /One who does not love Glorfindel, but Erestor?/

 

Then an alarming thought came to him. /What if he falls for Erestor *now* and once his memory is restored, he is once more drawn to Glorfindel?/ That would cause much unhappiness. But was it within his power to stop Ecthelion from falling in love with Erestor further? Did he have the right to discourage the reborn warrior?

 

/Ecthelion still has not reached his majority. I could smother this youthful infatuation./ But did he really have the right to do so? Ecthelion deserved this second chance, and wasn’t it the reborn Elf’s choice who he loved? They had no right to decide for him!

 

In the end, he realized he had little right to interfere. Ecthelion might be three years short of his majority, but the fëa that housed in this youngster’s body was old and wise. /I have to put my trust and faith in him./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Blinking, Erestor tried to focus on Ecthelion’s slumped form. The anxiety of these last few hours must have become too much for the younger Elf, who was now asleep. Seated on a chair, Ecthelion’s upper body rested on the bed, and the crown of the head against Erestor’s chest. A warm smile formed on his face, and he managed to raise a hand to brush back some wayward strands of hair.

 

The youngster was loyal, then. Fiercely loyal.

 

“He refused to leave your side,” said Cirdan upon entering the bedroom. He approached the bed from an angle that allowed Erestor to look at him without having to move about too much. “Ecthelion worries about you.”

 

Was he still feverish? Why else would he be seeing Cirdan? The legendary shipwright and he had met before, had even exchanged polite conversation, but couldn’t possibly be here now. Not in his bedroom!

 

“You are not delusional,” said Cirdan, who came to a stop beside the bed. A fond smile graced his face when he looked at Ecthelion. “I am here and so is Ecthelion.”

 

“I… do not… understand,” managed Erestor, still feeling weak. Slicing pain slashed through his back and he gasped for breath. For one moment he worried about waking Ecthelion, but to his surprise his student remained asleep.

 

“Mithrandir visited with me before he brought you here. I knew all along that you were here and I kept an eye on the two of you. When Vorndir alerted me, I acted at once.” Cirdan cocked his head. “How do you fare?” They would address the attack in a moment.

 

“I… have… felt… better…” mumbled Erestor. He tried to move as little as possible, softly gasping every few seconds when a wave of pain washed over him.

 

“You were attacked,” said Cirdan, who now pulled up a chair and sat down.

 

“Nazgûl,” confirmed Erestor, softly. “I was… careless.”

 

Cirdan shook his head. “Nay, you had no reason to assume the Nazgûl were hunting you.”

 

“Should have… paid more… attention…” The conversation wore Erestor down and he closed his eyes, briefly, trying to find the strength to continue. “Mithrandir… entrusted him… to me.”

 

“And you did well defending him. A Nazgûl is a formidable opponent.” Cirdan observed Erestor closely, trying to find out if the advisor returned Ecthelion’s feelings.

 

“I… should have done… better…” Erestor was mostly angry with himself for allowing the Nazgûl to come so close to them unnoticed. He should have sensed the evil being was closing in on them! But he had been preoccupied with Ecthelion!

 

“Let go of your feelings of guilt. They do not suit you,” said Cirdan, sternly. “In the meantime, I have taken counter measures. From now on, my men will guard this cottage. They might not be able to stop the Nazgûl should they undertake another attempt, but they will slow the wraiths down and give you time to escape.”

 

“Thank you,” said Erestor. He didn’t worry as much for his own safety, as he did for Ecthelion’s. Unexpectedly, his charge stirred and the blank eyes regained awareness.

 

Ecthelion was waking up.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion swallowed the lump of emotions, which had formed in his throat upon seeing Erestor awake and alert. Until now he had been too afraid to hope that Erestor would return to him! “You are awake!”

 

Erestor forced a reassuring smile onto his face, though he more felt like curling up beneath his blanket and hiding from the world – and from Ecthelion. What those gray eyes revealed to him, disturbed him.

 

“I am so sorry, Erestor!” Ecthelion gently squeezed the advisor’s hand. “I did not disobey you on purpose, but I was convinced we stood a better chance together. I did not want you to face that wraith alone!” His expression darkened and showed intense guilt. “You were injured because of me. I am sorry for that as well.”

 

Erestor couldn’t bear hearing the guilt in Ecthelion’s voice. “You… acted… instinctively… Like a warrior should.”

 

“That does not make it right!” Ecthelion fought his intense emotions down so he could carry on this conversation. “Will you forgive me for my stupidity?”

 

This time, Erestor’s smile was genuine and not forced. “I forgive you… for being the brave… and stubborn warrior… that you are.”

 

“You should rest now, Erestor.” Cirdan had remained quiet during their exchange, realizing Ecthelion needed this absolution from Erestor, but now it was time to take control of the situation.

 

“Aye, Cirdan is right!” Ecthelion nodded his head enthusiastically. “You need rest!”

 

The intense emotions in Ecthelion’s eyes deeply touched Erestor. He could no longer deny the truth staring back at him. Ecthelion loved him – and the Valar may help him – he returned that emotion. He had also fallen for the charming youngster.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Cirdan was reluctant to leave just yet, although his duties already called him back to his office. First, he needed to know for certain that Ecthelion and Erestor were fine. To his surprise, he found that he wasn’t that worried about Ecthelion as he had thought he would, it was Erestor who occupied his thoughts.

 

Mithrandir had told him that Erestor was the one to tell Ecthelion about his past and real identity, and he also trusted the Wizard’s judgment, but he still wondered if it wasn’t still a bit early to reveal the truth to the youngster. Absentmindedly tugging at his beard, he considered the two Elves.

 

When he had first realized Ecthelion’s interest in Erestor he had been dumbfounded. How could Ecthelion love Erestor when the youngster’s heart belonged to Glorfindel? But watching them now, as Ecthelion helped Erestor drink his tea and eat some fruit, he saw the deep affection rooted in Ecthelion’s being. /They only met one week ago!/ But love at first sight happened. So why not for these two?

 

Studying Erestor closely, he found traces of love and affection in the chocolate brown eyes. This love wasn’t one-sided then. But what would the advisor do? Cirdan still remembered the way Erestor had been hurt when his lover had died at Mount Orodruin. He had even heard Erestor swear he would never take a lover again, so he wouldn’t have to suffer the same torment twice. Had Erestor changed his mind, then?

 

Erestor felt Cirdan’s eyes on him and shot him a probing look. However, he couldn’t pay too much attention to the shipwright, as Ecthelion demanded most. Ecthelion had fluffed his pillows and piled them against the headboard so he could rest easily whilst eating lunch. “I fare better today,” he said, trying to reassure Ecthelion, but the younger Elf seemed afraid to believe he was recovering. From the moment on that he had awoken, Ecthelion had fussed over him. And the younger Elf seemed eager for Cirdan to finally leave the room, as Ecthelion kept throwing impatient looks at the bearded Elf.

 

Finally getting the hint, Cirdan stepped outside and closed the door behind him. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what Ecthelion planned to do during his absence.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion lost the battle he had been fighting. The moment Cirdan closed the door behind him, he leaned in closer. Placing one hand against the side of Erestor’s head, and the other at the back of the advisor’s neck, he pressed his lips onto the elder Elf’s. Kissing Erestor passionately, he drew out the kiss, trying to make it last for all eternity. But even eternity ended when he was forced to stop the kiss in order to breathe. Large, confused brown eyes stared at him, questioningly, and Ecthelion realized that being kissed was the last thing Erestor had expected to happen. As his face was only an inch away from Erestor’s, he met the elder Elf’s puzzled gaze head on, never pulling back or apologizing for his action.

 

Erestor was at a loss. Ecthelion had really kissed him! “Why?”

 

“Why did I kiss you?” Ecthelion wanted to be certain what Erestor was asking him. He couldn’t make any mistakes right now.

 

“Aye.” Entranced, Erestor raised a hand to brush his lips, which had just been locked in an arduous kiss. It had been ages since someone had taken his lips in such a way.

 

“Because…” Ecthelion bit his bottom lip, trying to find the right words, which would reach Erestor and make the elder Elf understand. “Because I am in love with you.”

 

Erestor smiled, weakly. “Youthful infatuation,” he said in a gentle voice, not wanting to hurt Ecthelion’s feelings.

 

“Nay! It is more!” Ecthelion’s eyes were flames of dark now, and he shook his head determinedly. “I love you!”

 

“How can you say such a thing? You have only known me for one week!”

 

“My heart knows it,” he said, in a much softer voice. Ecthelion refused to avert his eyes, however, and they challenged Erestor to further ridicule his love. “I love you!”

 

“You do not,” said Erestor, grabbing hold of the younger Elf’s wrist when Ecthelion tried to pull away at the harsh words. “You are young, my friend. Your body is waking up and I am close. This has nothing to do with love.”

 

“You are wrong!” Ecthelion freed his hand from Erestor’s grip, and immediately regretted doing so, seeing the advisor’s features contort in pain. “Sorry. I caused you pain -- again.” Finally lowering his eyes, he waited for Erestor’s damning words, which would declare his love a lie. /But he is wrong! I know it is love!/

 

Erestor actually felt sorry for Ecthelion. /Once you remember Glorfindel, you will also remember your love for him. By accepting your feelings for me I would set the both of us up for heartache. I cannot do that./ Even if his heart might survive losing Ecthelion, it would never be whole again, and it was already brittle from a love lost.

 

“I know what I know!” Still avoiding looking at Erestor, Ecthelion’s voice grew more convinced. “My heart knows it! And if you were honest with yourself, you would admit that I am being sincere.”

 

“Oh, Ecthelion…” Erestor raised his hand and stroked the younger Elf’s hair, enjoying the soft, silky sensation between his fingertips.

 

Ecthelion grabbed that hand and pressed it close to his chest. “Look at me and tell me you do not return those feelings!” Ecthelion’s eyes sought out Erestor’s and they locked.

 

He couldn’t. He couldn’t lie to Ecthelion, even when he tried his hardest, he couldn’t. And that was his downfall. Averting his eyes simply confirmed Ecthelion’s words. He wished he could lie, but the words refused to leave his lips.

 

Triumphantly, Ecthelion nodded his head and tugged at Erestor’s hand. “I am right! You feel the same way! You cannot deny it, can you?”

 

“I cannot lie to you,” confirmed Erestor. His eyes sought out Ecthelion’s, hesitantly. “But you must understand! We cannot be!”

 

“Why?” Ecthelion cocked his head. “You have no mate – no children who might object. Why?”

 

“You are three years short of majority,” started Erestor, only to be interrupted by Ecthelion.

 

“I know that! But that is no reason not to pursue this! In three years I will be allowed to take a mate, if I desire so!” Ecthelion wished he knew what words would convince Erestor so he could speak them. “I would wait for you. I would wait for you for three years, if you desire so.”

 

“Oh, Ecthelion…” Saddened, Erestor shook his head. /You love Glorfindel!/ But then again, he could savor those three years of companionship and friendship before having to give Ecthelion up. He just had to be strong the day he returned Ecthelion to Glorfindel. Until then, he could have Ecthelion’s friendship, just as long as it didn’t go any further.

 

Ecthelion could tell by the look in Erestor’s eyes that the advisor was giving this matter serious thought and he waited, trying to exercise patience.

 

Erestor sighed, deeply, and his injury acted up, making him hiss in pain. Ecthelion immediately moved closer, trying to soothe him, and Erestor realized how nice it was to have someone to care for him in that way. He could have that for three years.

 

Three years…

 

Was he willing to set himself up for pain and heartache? Would those three years be worth his future suffering? Would they sustain him when he had to watch Ecthelion and Glorfindel savor their love?

 

Ecthelion realized Erestor needed more convincing and he placed his hands at either side of the elder Elf’s head. Looking deeply into the dazed eyes, he said, “You do not have to decide here and now. You have three years until I will ask you to be mine for all eternity.”

 

Erestor’s heart missed a beat. /He plans to bind me to him on the day of his majority!/ Flabbergasted, he tried to make sense of his current situation. /On the day of his majority he will learn of Glorfindel and he will remember his love for the Captain of the Golden Flower. He will forget about me and the promises made. Can I deal with that?/

 

“Give me a chance, Erestor. That is all I am asking for. Allow me to prove myself to you.” Ecthelion send every song of praise and prayer he knew toward the heavens, hoping the Valar themselves would intervene and convince Erestor to give him that chance.

 

“Ecthelion, you have no idea what you are asking for. Or what the future will bring.”

 

“Do you? Do you know what the future will bring?”

 

Erestor moistened his lips, his nervousness growing. Ecthelion wasn’t leaving him with a way out. “Maybe I do.”

 

“Maybe you do not.” Ecthelion decided the time for words had passed and action was required now. Inching closer to the elder Elf, he tenderly caught the ruby lips in an all-consuming kiss, which caused butterflies to tickle his insides. No matter what Erestor said, he knew the truth in his heart, and the truth was that he loved the elder Elf.

 

Erestor trembled slightly when the kiss continued, and he felt grateful he was already lying down, for his knees would have given away beneath him. Ecthelion finally released his lips and the smile that surfaced on the younger Elf’s face revealed every ounce of the love Ecthelion held for him. How could he deny him?

 

“Three years, Erestor. We have three years to build a relationship and deepen this affection. Please give me that chance.”

 

“I should not. I really should not.”

 

“But you will!” Ecthelion, smelling victory, chuckled softly, and brushed his lips against Erestor’s.

 

“I should not,” repeated Erestor, already succumbing to temptation. “We will both end up hurt.”

 

“We won’t.” Ecthelion’s eyes darkened momentarily. “I promise you that no one will end up hurt.”

 

“You cannot promise such a thing,” replied Erestor, once more realizing how young Ecthelion was in this life time. “But maybe I will be strong enough to face losing you when that day comes.”

 

“Losing me?” Ecthelion stared at Erestor in confusion. “You won’t lose me.”

 

“I will,” stated Erestor, confidently. /I will lose you to Glorfindel./

 

Seeing melancholy take hold of Erestor annoyed Ecthelion and it urged him into action. Sliding onto the bed, he made himself comfortable beside Erestor. He carefully rested his head against the elder Elf’s shoulder and draped an arm across Erestor’s abdominal area. “I will love you forever.”

 

Erestor looked at the top of Ecthelion’s head – the youth’s face was now hidden from view, and Ecthelion never saw the single tear that left Erestor’s stormy eyes. /You won’t. You cannot. You love Glorfindel. But I will savor our time together. And when you reach majority and learn the truth, I will let you go. I promise to let you go, Ecthelion, even though it will cause my heart to break. I will find a way to carry on without your love. I promise to let you go…/


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9

 

 

Time fast forwarded after that day. Erestor and Ecthelion spent their time together, hardly ever leaving each other’s side. In the morning, they went running and swimming, and at noon, they returned to their cottage to continue Ecthelion’s studies. In the evenings, they composed songs, listened to the other play the flute or harp and reveled in each other’s presence. Their time in the Gray Havens was perfect and filled with happiness.

 

However, Cirdan was the first to notice that Erestor became more silent, more private and melancholy. The advisor still managed to hide these darkening moods from Ecthelion, but failed to do so in his presence. Growing concerned for the two Elves, who had become his best friends during these last three years, Cirdan felt compelled to address this matter and to offer Erestor a listening ear.

 

So, one night, when Ecthelion was soaking in Erestor’s bathtub, the shipwright approached Erestor. He sat down next to him on the couch and watched the long, agile fingers fidget nervously with the corner of the blanket. “Something ails you.”

 

Erestor laughed, bitterly. “You are quite observant.”

 

Cirdan frowned at Erestor’s tone, which was sarcastic – even a tad mean. “Ecthelion and you are my friends, Erestor. Using that tone with me is unbecoming, not to mention unnecessary.”

 

“I apologize,” said Erestor, sincerely, “I was out of line.” His emotions tended to get the better of him these days. These were the last few days, which he could spend freely with Ecthelion, for the day of his majority was nearing – the day of truth.

 

“Why don’t you confide in me? Maybe I can offer counsel?” Cirdan shifted slightly on the couch until he could look Erestor in the eye. The sadness and fear, which he encountered there, worried him.

 

“In one week exactly Ecthelion will reach majority.”

 

Cirdan nodded and a smile surfaced on his face. Ecthelion had sought him out some weeks ago, asking him how to best propose to Erestor, as the younger Elf was fairly certain that the advisor wouldn’t ask him first. Ecthelion was still as eager to be bound to Erestor as on the day they had first kissed. Ecthelion’s love had deepened over the years. And so had Erestor’s, but the raven-haired advisor was better at hiding his feelings, and didn’t show them as openly as Ecthelion. “He is already looking forward to that day.”

 

“I am not.” Erestor closed his eyes to lock out his love for the younger Elf.

 

“And why is that?” Cirdan’s frown deepened. “I cannot imagine you would reject him. I know you love him.”

 

“Ecthelion will never propose to me,” said Erestor in a soft and tormented voice. “Once he knows about Glorfindel…”

 

“Ah, Glorfindel.” Cirdan was beginning to understand. “You are afraid he will desert you for his former lover.”

 

“I am *not* his lover, Cirdan.” Erestor spoke in a harsher tone than intended. “We sleep in the same bed, aye, but that is where it ends.” Erestor shifted, uncomfortably. “Over the years his nightmares have grown less, and his calls for Glorfindel come less frequent, but he still calls for him. How can my love compete with theirs?”

 

“You should have a little more faith in yourself.”

 

Erestor shook his head. “This has nothing to do with faith, my friend. This is about accepting reality. Ecthelion will leave for Imladris to be with Glorfindel. His ‘love’ for me will vanish.”

 

“His ‘love’?” Cirdan wondered about the strange tone Erestor had used when uttering that word. “Do you doubt Ecthelion’s love for you?”

 

“It is just youthful infatuation.” He had to believe that! Had to deny this was true love! It would keep him sane when the time of their separation came. “In time, he will forget about me and his every thought will be about Glorfindel.”

 

Cirdan remained quiet, sensing Erestor was growing lost in thought and about to open up to him.

 

“I tried not to think of this moment for the last three years, but it was never far out of my thoughts, locked away in my subconscious.” Erestor wrung his hands. “But now that it has come, I need to prepare for the loss. How do I do that?” He pleadingly locked eyes with Cirdan. “I lost my heart to Ecthelion. He has given me a reason to enjoy life again. He took away my fears. How can I go on without him?”

 

Cirdan wrapped an arm around his friend and pulled him close. The words he was about to speak might upset Erestor further, but they had to be said. “When I first learned that Ecthelion had chosen you, I was worried as well. Like you, I assumed it was just youthful infatuation and that it would lessen in time. But the opposite happened; it grew. His love for you is strong.” Cirdan smiled, seeing Erestor’s hopeful expression. “And you love him in turn. I reckon you thought you were no longer capable of loving so passionately after losing Ereinion?”

 

Erestor’s eyes filled with tears at hearing that name. “I lost my mind when he died.”

 

“But Elrond returned you to sanity.” Cirdan offered Erestor a rueful smile. “And even should you lose Ecthelion – what I do not think will happen – you will find the strength to carry on. You are strong, Erestor. Ereinion chose you as his mate for a reason.”

 

The tears which had been lurking in Erestor’s eyes now flowed down his cheeks. “I loved him.”

 

“I know you did. We all know that. And you did the right thing by leaving him in the past, where Ereinion belongs. Ecthelion is the present, and your future.”

 

“But what if I lose him to Glorfindel?” Embarrassed – because he was crying – Erestor wiped away his tears with the corner of his sleeve.

 

“You won’t. You have to believe that.” But Erestor’s eyes remained pleadingly – awaiting a proper answer. “And should you lose him, you will know how to work through the loss. You have done that before, and you emerged stronger – and much loved by Elrond and his family. Always remember; you are not alone.”

 

Erestor’s eyes dried and he nodded once. Letting his emotions rule him didn’t help. He had to remain in control of them and accept whatever destiny Ilúvatar had in store for him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion took his time to enjoy his bath. He was still grateful that Erestor had introduced him to the pleasures of bathing *inside* the house. Blowing air into the foam that covered most of his body, he giggled, excitedly. In exactly six days he would ask Erestor to bind with him and he wondered if there had ever been an ‘Elfling’ who had proposed to his beloved on the very day of his majority.

 

“Erestor, I love you… Erestor, I love you…” he singsonged, finally rising from the now cooling water.

 

After drying his skin and wrapping his long, wet hair into a towel, he sat down in front of the mirror to study his reflection. Using Erestor’s comb, he untangled the silken strands. As he looked into the mirror, he was completely aware of the fact that an adult was staring back at him, and no longer an Elfling. It was ridiculous that Erestor insisted they should wait until he had reached his majority to make this official. He was fully capable of making his own, independent decisions. Even Cirdan had said so.

 

/Oh, Erestor…/ The mere thought of his beloved had him trembling with excitement. During these last three years they had done little more than kissing. Occasionally they had touched, but never in truly intimate places. The sexual tension between them raged high and Ecthelion felt like this fire would burn him alive.

 

He had found release in the water moments earlier, thinking of his beloved, but it wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to feel Erestor’s hands on him and not the gentle caress of the water!

 

Now that he had finished combing his still damp hair, he rose from the stool and studied himself in the mirror. His muscle tone was well-defined and he had caught Erestor staring at his long legs more than once. He was attractive and he knew it! When it was time to properly seduce Erestor, he would use it to his advantage!

 

In the distance, he heard the door close. Good, that meant Cirdan had left. Ecthelion slipped into a long shirt and left the bathroom to seek out his beloved. When he found Erestor, he came to a halt, surprised to find the elder Elf in such a gloomy mood. Erestor had folded his hands in his lap, his gaze was directed at the floor, and the shoulders had slumped forward. /He looks defeated, but why?/ Unable to bear seeing Erestor in such a depressed mood, Ecthelion cleared his throat and properly entered the room. “Erestor?”

 

Erestor forced a smile onto his face, but it was too late. Ecthelion had seen his real emotions.

 

Ecthelion knelt in front of Erestor, pushed the elder Elf’s knees apart and leaned in closer, resting his upper body against his beloved. “What ails you?”

 

Erestor bit his bottom lip. He hadn’t planned on doing this now and would bide his time to tell Ecthelion. For now he needed to distract him. “You have grown quite fond of that bathtub, haven’t you?”

 

Ecthelion lifted questioning eyes. “Erestor? Please tell me what upsets you.”

 

“Not yet. Not tonight.” Tonight, he would savor Ecthelion’s comforting company. “But shortly. Do not worry.”

 

A sense of foreboding – cold and sharp – made Ecthelion tremble. “I love you, Erestor.”

 

“I know you do.” Erestor lifted Ecthelion’s chin by placing a finger beneath it and now stared into the open, gray eyes, which never hid a thing from him. “I am tired. I want to go to bed.”

 

Ecthelion raised an eyebrow at hearing that; it was still early.

 

“I want you to hold me tonight,” clarified Erestor. Normally it was the other way around and he would hold Ecthelion tightly through the night. He would draw from these memories in the years to come.

 

Ecthelion rose from the floor. A frown was etched deeply onto his brow, seeing the sadness that surrounded Erestor like a shroud. /No matter what I say, I won’t be able to convince him that he has nothing to fear./ He gathered Erestor’s hands in his and pulled the elder Elf to his feet. Leading him through the corridor and into their bedroom, he removed the heavy robes Erestor wore until the advisor was only clad in a shirt. He gently pulled Erestor into bed with him where they lay on their sides, facing each other. He then wrapped his arms around him – very tightly.

 

Erestor released a tormented sigh and wished this moment in time would last forever, but he knew it couldn’t. “Ecthelion?”

 

“What is it, love?” Ecthelion wondered a bit about the role reversal, but decided he liked it, as Erestor fit nicely against him. He even pressed a kiss onto the crown of Erestor’s head, which rested against his shoulder. “You know you can tell me.” Erestor’s odd behavior worried him. He knew that the elder Elf was apprehensive for some reason, but he hadn’t known that Erestor was *this* concerned.

 

“I do not want to lose you.” Erestor rubbed his cheek against Ecthelion’s chest. The thin fabric hardly presented a barrier and the younger Elf’s nipples grew hard. “I want to remain in this moment forever.”

 

“Why are you so afraid to lose me, love?” Ecthelion shifted a bit lower until Erestor and he were face to face again. The brown eyes were swimming and the pupils dilated. Feeling Erestor shiver against him filled Ecthelion with dread.

 

“Maybe I should tell you now and have it over with,” said Erestor in an unguarded moment. But he didn’t want to lose Ecthelion!

 

Ecthelion’s mouth went dry. “Nay, not yet. You said it yourself.” Throughout the years he had realized that Erestor was worried about revealing his heritage to him. Why, Ecthelion didn’t know, but it worried him in turn. “Why don’t we forget about this? Do not tell me. Keep it to yourself.”

 

“Oh, you have no idea how much I would want that, Ecthelion.” Erestor’s voice sounded fragile and he closed his eyes, trying to lock out his fears. “I want to stay here so badly, Ecthelion. I want to stay like this and never leave the Gray Havens. But that cannot be. You are too important and your services will be needed. I cannot steal you away from your destiny.”

 

“What about our love, then? You seem so certain that we will stop loving each other once I know the truth.”

 

“I know you will leave me. I know I will lose you.” Erestor’s eyes opened, sensing Ecthelion’s building fears. “But I cannot be selfish and keep you to myself.”

 

“Then do not tell me until after I reached majority and proposed to you. Wait until we are wed!”

 

“That would not be honest,” said Erestor, slowly regaining his composure. “You need to know this before making such an important decision.”

 

“I do not understand why you are so certain this knowledge will keep me from binding myself to you!”

 

“Because everything will change for you – everything.”

 

Ecthelion didn’t like the way that sounded and tucked Erestor’s head beneath his chin, rocking the elder Elf like Erestor had rocked him when he had battled those nightmares years ago. Nightmares, which hardly ever tormented him any more because Erestor was close. “Everything might change for *me*, but what we have won’t.”

 

“Do not make promises you cannot keep, my sweet,” whispered Erestor, still somewhat upset. “We must face our destinies.”

 

“But I hate seeing you upset.”

 

/I have the feeling that this is the first of many times that you will see me upset,/ thought Erestor, grimly. Not wishing to speak any more, he buried his face against Ecthelion’s chest, deeply inhaling the other Elf’s scent and allowing himself to drift off into his dreamscape.

 

Ecthelion however, remained awake for most of the night. Tonight, it was *his* turn to guard Erestor’s sleep and to drive away the fears that tormented his beloved.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion slid his arms in place around Erestor’s waist. He had found his beloved in the garden, brooding and gloomy. “I will reach my majority tomorrow and I still plan to propose to you.”

 

Erestor sighed, deeply. “The time has come, then.”

 

Ecthelion startled at the dead, accepting tone that Erestor’s voice carried. “I do not want you to tell me.”

 

“You do not have a choice in the matter. Neither do I.” Erestor freed himself of the embrace and sat down on the grass, running his fingertips down the stem of a daisy. “Sit down, Ecthelion.”

 

He obeyed, but didn’t like this development one bit. The emotionless expression in Erestor’s eyes told him that his beloved had locked away that part of himself that loved him in order to do this. “I beseech you; change your mind and do not tell me.”

 

“I should have done this some time ago, but I did not want to lose you. So I drew this out.” Erestor had called upon his inner strength to carry him through this, knowing these were the last moments that Ecthelion would look at him with so much love in his eyes. Shortly, that love would be reserved for Glorfindel only.

 

“Your name is Ecthelion, Captain of the Fountain and you died a hero’s death in Gondolin.”

 

/Gondolin?/ Something inside Ecthelion stirred at hearing the city’s name. “Gondolin?” Frowning, he wondered why it sounded that familiar to him. “I lived in Gondolin once.” The white city rose before his mind’s eye, and memories, long buried, now roused and awoke. “I defended the city.”

 

“Aye, you did.” Erestor fought back his tears, sensing the younger Elf’s memories were retuning. “You died when Gothmog dragged you down with him. In the fountain you fell and there you died.”

 

Ecthelion shivered. “Why are you bringing this up again? I thought we had already discussed this?” But he knew there was more to come and that knowledge filled him with fear and apprehension.

 

“There was another that fell defending the city.” Erestor steeled his heart; knowing he was only one sentence away from losing Ecthelion forever.

 

“There was?” Ecthelion’s brow furrowed.

 

“His name is Glorfindel, Captain of the House of the Golden Flower.” Erestor held his breath involuntary, seeing Ecthelion’s eyes widen with remembrance.

 

It was coming back to him. *Everything* was coming back to him. Gothmog, their last stance, the betrayal of the House of the Harp and… Glorfindel… his friend… his brother in arms… his lover.

 

“Glorfindel!” He saw him die all over again. The Balrogs attacked from all directions, and although they had already slain a number of them, there was one that still managed to get through to Glorfindel. “Nay, I do not want to remember!” But he did, and relived Glorfindel’s death, and then his own.

 

Erestor, who had been determined to refrain from touching Ecthelion at this point, caved in, and folded an arm around the younger Elf. A moment later, Ecthelion flung himself at him, burying himself deeply in the embrace and sobbing brokenly. “I am sorry, but I did not know how to tell you.”

 

Ecthelion suddenly understood; understood Erestor’s worries, understood his nightmares and his own need. “Glorfindel… I need Glorfindel.” But wasn’t Glorfindel dead? His soul still wandering the Halls of Waiting?

 

Realizing what direction Ecthelion’s thoughts had taken, Erestor said, “Glorfindel dwells on Arda once more. In Imladris, to be exact. I will take you there – to him.” Mithrandir’s words had finally come true. “I will take you to your love.”

 

Ecthelion lifted pleading eyes to look at Erestor. “I finally understand…”

 

Erestor forced a smile onto his face. “I have already lost you to him, my sweet, as I knew I would. Do you now understand why I could not let you propose to me? You deserve the absolute truth. And the truth is that Glorfindel is alive and still calls out for you at night, as much as you call out for him. You love him, not me. It was only youthful infatuation.”

 

Ecthelion nodded his head. “Nay, it was not.”

 

Erestor noted that Ecthelion had used the past tense. “Maybe it was love, then, but does it still matter? Your heart calls out for Glorfindel. It yearns to be reunited with your true love.”

 

It was true, but Ecthelion didn’t want this; didn’t want to long for Glorfindel when he also loved Erestor. But the bonds of his first life were strong and demanded he saw Glorfindel and talked to him. Maybe even rekindled the flame of their former love. “I promised not to hurt you three years ago.”

 

“And I told you not to make any promises that you could not keep.” Erestor fondly stroked the long, raven hair for one last time. He wouldn’t indulge himself in this way the next time Ecthelion needed comfort. From now on, there would be a formal distance between them, physically and emotionally. Ecthelion belonged with Glorfindel and not with him, like he had always known. He had been a fool to fall for the charming youngster. And now his heart was breaking – again. He hoped Cirdan was right and that he could cope with losing Ecthelion!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

That night, both of them felt lost. Erestor had retired to his own bedroom, which had remained unused these last three years. And Ecthelion lay in the bed they had shared for so long, feeling lonely. Glorfindel’s face regularly appeared in his mind’s eye, as if to console him, but even the presence of that long loved face wouldn’t soothe him or help him fall asleep. He was lonely and longed for Erestor’s company, but he also understood why the advisor was now keeping his distance.

 

/I had no idea what I was talking about when I made those promises. But he did. That is why he told me not to make promises that I could not keep./ He felt like he had cheated Erestor out of his love. Erestor had been reluctant from the start, but he had insisted they would be happy forever. He had convinced Erestor to give him his chance and now all he could think about was Glorfindel – the azure eyes and stunning smile. Glorfindel had been everything to him. And now that he remembered his former lover, he felt the insane urge to leave for Imladris right now, and not wait until they would leave in the morning.

 

“I am so sorry, Erestor. I never meant to hurt you – but I did.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor had curled up into a fetal position and was trying hard not to think of Ecthelion – of how much he missed having the younger Elf close. He had always known that this day would come and he had accepted it. He had made his choices and now he had to live with them.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Cirdan couldn’t believe the changes that had taken place in his friends. Erestor acted distant, indifferent and, of course, polite, but the raw pain lurked just beneath the surface. He instinctively knew that one careless word would upset the advisor and throw him completely off balance.

 

Ecthelion was also acting out of character and Cirdan knew better than to address this matter. Ecthelion and Erestor had to resolve this privately, but first, Ecthelion had to talk to Glorfindel. Mithrandir had warned him this would happen, but the Wizard had also assured him that things would turn out the way they were supposed to be.

 

“You are an adult now, according to our laws, Ecthelion. You finally reached your majority,” said Cirdan, seeing that fact brought the younger Elf little joy. Ecthelion had surely envisioned this day differently. /He wanted to propose to Erestor today./

 

“Thank you, Cirdan.” Ecthelion hung on to his composure. He wanted to kick, scream and holler, but his upbringing didn’t permit him to act so unbecomingly. Not just Galadriel and Celeborn’s training were helping him maintain his mask, but he also remembered his training in the old days – in Gondolin.

 

/He carries himself differently,/ noticed Cirdan, who exchanged a worried look with Erestor. /This is the Ecthelion of old, not the Elf I have known for these last three years. Now that his memory is intact again, he has changed./ Had Mithrandir made the right decision when he had brought Ecthelion here? And Erestor? Hadn’t the Wizard foreseen their misery?

 

“I am sad to see you leave the Gray Heavens. You seemed happy here,” said Cirdan, almost instantly regretting his words, when he caught Erestor wiping away a tear. The advisor had refused to dismount, and Vorndir was impatiently moving about. The stallion felt his rider’s discomfort.

 

Ecthelion bestowed one last hug on the shipwright. “You are right. We *were* happy here.” But that was in the past. “Thank you for being there when we needed you.” The words catapulted him back to the moment when he had faced losing Erestor due to the Nazgûl’s attack and pain and fear sneaked up on him again.

 

Cirdan didn’t know what was suddenly upsetting Ecthelion, but he acted nonetheless and squeezed the raven-haired Elf’s shoulder reassuringly.

 

Unable to watch any longer, Erestor steered Vorndir away from the scene and waited at a distance. His heart couldn’t take much more of this!

 

“Have faith in your love for Erestor,” said Cirdan, when Ecthelion’s puzzled eyes locked with his. “You think you know what to do, and who to love, but you might find things are not that clear after all. Trust your instincts, Ecthelion.”

 

Ecthelion nodded, but didn’t understand what Cirdan was trying to tell him. The shipwright seemed to speak in riddles.

 

“Always follow your heart, Ecthelion. Listen to what it tells you,” added Cirdan, seeing the other Elf’s confusion. “And always remember; you are who you are *now*, and not who you *were*.”

 

Thoroughly puzzled, Ecthelion answered the hug Cirdan gave him, and then mounted Rohaer. “Will we meet again?” he asked, wishing he didn’t have to part from the shipwright just yet, but his desire to be reunited with Glorfindel was stronger.

 

Cirdan gave him a wink. “We might.”


	10. Chapter 10

Part 10

 

Ecthelion hated the tension that now existed between the two of them. Erestor was painfully correct and polite toward him and all emotion had vanished from the handsome face. It was as if only duty existed for Erestor, but Ecthelion knew better. Sometimes, when Erestor thought he wasn’t being observed, the elder Elf’s eyes cracked with longing and then Ecthelion caught a glimpse of the love they had once shared.

 

They had traveled for two days now and it would take them another few to reach Imladris and Ecthelion found himself at odds with himself. A part of him still loved Erestor and that part cried out angrily for the way he was treating the elder Elf. Another part however, insisted to be reunited with Glorfindel, as the blond Captain was his true love. At times like these, he literally felt torn in two, like he was two different people instead of just Ecthelion.

 

The fire they had built in order to warm and lighten their camp was beginning to die, and Ecthelion startled from his musings when Erestor added new wood to it, momentarily enabling the flames to rise to new heights. It wasn’t fair, decided Ecthelion. It wasn’t fair that Erestor was paying the price.

 

Erestor sat opposite him, huddled deeply within his heavy riding cloak, which wasn’t as much protection against the cold, as a way to hide from him. Only the crown of Erestor’s head showed and he would catch a glimpse of the dark eyes occasionally. He found himself speaking suddenly, without having intended to. “I never wanted to hurt you, Erestor. This is not fair.”

 

“Life is not fair, Ecthelion,” whispered Erestor, as he stared into the flames. He was trying hard to hold on to the people and places in his life which would pull him through this ordeal. Shortly, he would be reunited with Elrond, the twins, Arwen, Estel and maybe even Mithrandir. Glorfindel, he could no longer count on to be there for him. The blond would be too occupied with Ecthelion to see his pain. But Elrond would be there for him. With Elrond he could talk. “Life is seldom fair. It is a lesson each and every one of us must learn.”

 

“I still love you,” Ecthelion offered in a tiny voice. The moment he uttered the words, he knew it had been the wrong thing to say. The little of Erestor’s face, which he could see, contorted at hearing those words.

 

“Never tell me that again,” hissed Erestor, “In a short time you will be in Glorfindel’s arms and taste his love. Let me be, and do not torment by saying such things to me.”

 

“But it is the truth! I love both of you!” Ecthelion hated himself for feeling this way, for doing this to Erestor, but his heart was filled with love for Erestor and Glorfindel! How was he supposed to live like that?

 

Erestor buried himself deeper in the hood of his riding cloak and broke all eye contact with Ecthelion. “We are through discussing this. Your road is set and once we arrive in Imladris, we will seldom have dealings. You will join Elrond’s forces and will lead them, together with Glorfindel. I will return to my study and my paperwork. We might still see each other during dinner, but we will refrain from personal conversation. Am I making myself clear?” He had to protect himself or he would fade.

 

Ecthelion moved closer to Erestor until he sat on his heels next to the advisor. He wanted to reach out and bury the elder Elf in a hug, but Erestor rose to his feet and walked away from the fire, leaving him alone. Shaking his head, Ecthelion released his tears, unashamed. When had things gone wrong? Why had Erestor insisted he learned of Glorfindel? /But Erestor did the right thing. If he had not told me, like I requested to, our love would have been a lie. But why did I have to lose you, Erestor? Why? I want you too./ But he couldn’t have both of them. In the end, he would have to make a choice. Choose who he wanted to be with; Erestor or Glorfindel.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The branches of an old oak tree reached for Erestor and the wood tenderly caught him in an embrace. Sensing the Elf’s need and pain, the tree lifted Erestor gently until he was safely seated in the top branches. Even if Ecthelion came looking for him, the younger Elf wouldn’t find him.

 

Erestor pulled his knees close to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. Letting his chin rest on top of his knees, he tried to find his composure again. He couldn’t just lose control like he had just now. He was still responsible for Ecthelion until they had reached Imladris and he was endangering them by acting in this way.

 

Instead of sitting high up in the tree, he should be sitting close to the fire. But knowing Ecthelion so close, and realizing he was out of his reach forever, hurt. His heart was still breaking and the pain it caused was almost unbearable. Only iron discipline kept him on his feet. That, and the memory that he had survived losing Ereinion. He would survive losing Ecthelion as well, but his life would be empty, so bereft of joy that he wondered *why* he was supposed to go on.

 

/I do not want to carry on in this way,/ he realized. He had been with Ecthelion for three years, and even though they hadn’t been intimate, their love had reminded him of what a relationship was supposed to be like. He had lovingly taken care of Ecthelion and the younger Elf had done the same for him. They had been friends – best friends – and if it hadn’t been for Glorfindel, they would have been married now. He just knew Ecthelion would have proposed to him. The younger Elf would probably have gone down on his knees when proposing, and he would have accepted with a loving and warm heart.

 

But Ecthelion had never proposed and never would. Realizing he needed to return to their camp side, he asked the tree to put him onto the ground again. Once he felt the solid earth beneath his feet once more, he forced himself to begin walking. He would be polite, but distant, and tightly control his feelings. Ecthelion needed him to be strong. He could cave in when he had returned to the privacy of his rooms.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The closer they came to Imladris, the more conflicted Ecthelion became. When he had studied with Erestor – which now seemed a million years ago – he had been curious about the valley, and had wanted to meet its inhabitants. And now they were headed there for a specific reason; he was about to meet his true love, Glorfindel. Why wasn’t he rejoicing at that thought?

 

Because Erestor was miserable and hurting, that was why.

 

Regarding Erestor, he didn’t know what to do, or how to act, and in the end, he adopted a similar attitude as the elder Elf had toward him. He was polite, courteous even, but there were no more shared kisses or touches. But he still yearned for those kisses, for those touches. At the same time, his heart reminded him of his love for Glorfindel, and his entire world seemed to fall apart.

 

Erestor sensed some of Ecthelion’s inner turmoil, as he was going through the motions as well, but he also knew he couldn’t guide the younger Elf in this matter. In order to protect himself he had made the decision to let Ecthelion go – like he had promised he would three years ago. Ecthelion was meant to be with Glorfindel, and not with him.

 

“We will arrive tomorrow,” said Erestor, thinking it wise to inform Ecthelion of that fact, so the younger Elf could mentally prepare himself for a taxing day. “Lord Elrond and Glorfindel will be there to welcome you.”

 

Ecthelion wondered about that for a moment, but then the old and seasoned warrior that now resided inside him, realized that border sentries had noticed them by now and had probably informed the Lord of Imladris. “So this is our last day together?”

 

Erestor nodded and pulled his cloak closer to his frame. “Thankfully, it is.”

 

“Do you loathe me that much?” Ecthelion had felt hurt at hearing Erestor’s words.

 

“Nay, I do not loathe you,” replied Erestor, softly, “But your close presence causes me pain.”

 

Ecthelion swallowed hard. “I never wanted that.”

 

“I know that, Ecthelion,” said Erestor, trying to mentally distance himself from the one he loved. “But it is about time our paths part. The less time we spend together, the less the pain will grow.”

 

Ecthelion bowed his head in defeat – and surrender. “You probably know best.”

 

Erestor didn’t reply – his emotions causing his throat to choke up.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Our last night together,” mused Ecthelion, who was seated near the camp fire. Erestor had stretched out opposite him and pretended to sleep. But Ecthelion knew better; Erestor was still awake and listening to him. “I wish we could go back to how things were in the Gray Havens. Cirdan was right when he said we were happy there. Will we ever have that again?” Stirring the fire, he watched the flames dance, and wondered what the future would bring.

 

“*You* will have that again,” whispered Erestor in a barely audible voice. “Glorfindel and you will be happy again and the Valar know you deserve it.”

 

“And what about you? Don’t you deserve the same happiness?” Ecthelion was fighting back tears.

 

“I have had three years of happiness, knowing very well this would happen once you knew the truth. I made my choices and I will live with them.” Erestor bowed his head, curled up beneath his blanket, and hoped Ecthelion would stop talking. Hearing the younger Elf’s voice was enough to make him yearn for the one thing he couldn’t have.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“The Last Homely House,” said Erestor, pointing the structure out to Ecthelion. “That is where Elrond and his family reside.”

 

“And Glorfindel?” Ecthelion was growing nervous and impatient. His desire to see Glorfindel was overwhelming and he constantly shifted on the horse's back, wishing they were traveling at a faster pace.

 

“Glorfindel lives there as well,” said Erestor in a controlled tone. “Occasionally, he stays in the stables or the barracks, but his suite is also located inside the Last Homely House.” /A suite which you will doubtlessly share. I do not have to trouble myself by assigning you private quarters./

 

“Oh, Glorfindel…” Ecthelion’s voice mirrored every ounce of desire he felt. “Does he know I was allowed to be reborn? Does he know we are about to meet?”

 

“I honestly do not know,” replied Erestor, wondering about the same thing. Elrond knew about Ecthelion’s rebirth, and the half-Elf also knew those three years had passed. Elrond also possessed the gift of foresight – so maybe the Peredhel had foreseen their imminent arrival. “We will have to wait and see.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“My Lord?” The guard bowed, respectfully, and waited for Elrond to put down the papers to look at him. Once he had his Lord’s attention, he added, “Chief Counselor Erestor has entered our lands. He is not alone though. A dark-haired Elf accompanies him.”

 

An iron fist squeezed the life out of his heart. *That* day had come then. A day he had hoped would never be upon him. Erestor and Ecthelion were approaching. “How much longer until they arrive?”

 

“I reckon four of five hours, my Lord.”

 

Elrond drew in a deep breath, trying to find the strength and courage he needed so badly. “Inform my sons and Lord Glorfindel of their impending arrival.”

 

“Your wish will be done.” The guard bowed again and left his Lord’s study.

 

The papers Elrond had been holding floated toward his desk and then landed on the floor, as they had fallen from the half-Elf’s paralyzed hands. For these last two years he had feared this very day – the day on which he would lose Glorfindel, *his* Glorfindel now, to Ecthelion.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion rode beside Erestor, who had been silent for the last two hours. In the end, the silence became too much for Ecthelion and he addressed the other Elf. “May I talk to you about Glorfindel?”

 

“If you must.” Erestor knew he was acting bitter and resentful, but he couldn’t help it. He felt betrayed, and knew he was acting in a childish and unbecoming way, always having known this moment in time would come. “What do you wish to know?”

 

“Did the Valar bestow his old looks on him? Does he look like the Glorfindel of old? The one I lo -- knew?”

 

Erestor bit his bottom lip. “Aye, the Valar gifted him with his old appearance. You will recognize him at once.”

 

“And he has gained a position of trust and respect here in Imladris?” Ecthelion was dying to learn more of his long lost love.

 

“Elrond named him Captain and Glorfindel is in charge of Imladris’ defenses and her guards. Aye, he has earned everyone’s respect.” Erestor’s gaze remained trained on the Last Homely House, which was growing less distant with every step their horses took.

 

“Does he… does he have a… lover?” Until now, it hadn’t occurred to Ecthelion that his Glorfindel could have taken a mate in this life time. Dread filled his heart and his palms became sweaty from nervousness.

 

“When I left Imladris three years ago he was unbound,” replied Erestor, “No one ever captured his heart. But that will change once he lays eyes upon you.”

 

Ecthelion actually blushed. “Glorfindel deserves a second chance at life. He is a brave and honorable warrior. His death at the Balrog’s hands was a great loss for all Elves.”

 

“Your death was greatly mourned as well,” said Erestor, pulling his riding cloak closer to his frame. He steered Vorndir a bit further away from Ecthelion’s horse – when he had said that Ecthelion’s very presence caused him pain, he hadn’t been exaggerating. His heart was breaking apart into tiny shards of lost love.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Glorfindel? We need to talk. Now!” Elrond had entered his lover’s office and now sought out the azure eyes he had come to love so much these last two years.

 

Glorfindel – blissfully unaware of Elrond’s emotional pain – rose from behind his desk and advanced on his lover. “You look tense. What is amiss? Did anything happen to the twins?”

 

Elrond shook his head. “This is not about my children. Walk with me, Glorfindel.”

 

Glorfindel grew suspicious, hearing Elrond call him by his name instead of using some endearment. “What has happened?”

 

“There is no easy way to tell you this,” said Elrond, when they had reached the gardens. He sat down on one of the benches and waited for Glorfindel to join him. “Erestor will arrive within the next few hours.”

 

“Erestor?” Glorfindel smiled, brilliantly. “I have missed him! It will be good to have him back in our midst again!” He had written Erestor once or twice during these last three years, and had received polite answers in return, but those letters had never revealed anything personal.

 

“He is not alone.” Elrond wrung his hands in his lap. He didn’t want to do this – didn’t want to lose the one he loved.

 

“Who is with him, then? Mithrandir? Cirdan maybe?” Glorfindel, still smiling, wondered why Elrond was this upset. This was good news, wasn’t it?

 

Elrond needed a moment to gather his courage. /Please, Elbereth, give me the strength to do this./ He cleared his throat, turned toward Glorfindel and looked the warrior in the eye. “The Valar allowed Ecthelion to be reborn. He is the one accompanying Erestor.”

 

Glorfindel paled visibly. “Why are you playing this appalling game with me? You know how much I loved him! How can you say something like that?”

 

“It is the truth,” said Elrond with a saddened heart. “When Mithrandir visited three years ago, he came here to recruit Erestor as Ecthelion’s teacher. They have resided in the Gray Havens for these last three years, where Ecthelion reached his majority.”

 

Glorfindel was speechless – at a loss after hearing Elrond’s words – and stared at him in shock. What had Elrond said? Ecthelion had been reborn? Had already reached his majority and Erestor had been tutoring him? But that meant… “You knew!” he exploded suddenly, all emotion coming to an outburst. “You knew!”

 

Elrond lowered his eyes and stared at his hands, which had turned into fists. “I did.”

 

Glorfindel jumped to his feet, unable to remain seated anymore. Pacing in front of the half-Elf, he ran a hand through his golden mane, nervously. “You have known about this for these last three years!” Trembling on his feet, Glorfindel stared accusingly at Elrond. “You knew Ecthelion had returned to Arda and yet you encouraged our relationship! You knew Ecthelion holds my heart as well as my soul and you allowed us to become lovers? You should have told me! I deserve to know the truth!”

 

Elrond endured Glorfindel’s rage, understanding why the blond blamed him for this mess. “Mithrandir forbade me to tell you.”

 

Glorfindel shook his head, exasperated. “You should have told me, no matter what Mithrandir said! You know how much I loved Ecthelion!”

 

“I did not plan this, Glorfindel!” Elrond rose from the bench as well, desperate to explain himself. “I never planned for us to become lovers!”

 

“But you decided against telling me about Ecthelion!” Glorfindel couldn’t help himself – he was actually yelling at the half-Elf!

 

“I could not tell you! I could not go against Mithrandir’s wishes – the Valar’s will!” Elrond raised his hands in a pleading manner. “I never planned to mislead you! I never planned to fall in love with you! It just happened!”

 

Glorfindel stared at Elrond, still feeling at a loss. “But we became lovers. And I also fell in love with you.” He still remembered the night it had happened – two years ago. He had fought one of his nightmares and Elrond had supported him through the ordeal. When he had regained awareness he had originally mistaken Elrond for Ecthelion, wrapping his arms around him. But then he had realized it was Elrond and not Ecthelion at his side. The next day, Elrond had stuttered his admission of love, and Glorfindel’s feelings had finally begun to fall into place. All these nights – when he had found Elrond at his side – it was the half-Elf who had comforted him, and Glorfindel finally understood. He had whispered a confession of his own, and had pulled Elrond into his arms. Nothing sexual had happened those first few nights, but something incredibly intimate had taken place; they had admitted their feelings for each other.

 

A deep and strongly rooted love had blossomed between them, and for the first time in this life time, Ecthelion’s image had begun to fade. But now his old lover had apparently entered his life again. Only Elrond had chosen not to tell him. “Were you afraid I would not choose you as my mate?”

 

Elrond shook his head. “If Mithrandir had allowed me so I would have told you.” For one moment his composure cracked and he allowed Glorfindel to glance into the depths of his soul. “I have been in love with you for years, Glorfindel, but I was content to sit at your side and see you through your nightmares.” What was he supposed to say? “I admit I wanted you for my mate; that is true. But… it just happened, Glorfindel. I regret that I was not stronger, that I did not bury my feelings for you deeper. Maybe it is because I am part human, but… I gave in and told you.” Unable to meet Glorfindel’s gaze, he continued to stare at the grass. “And now I will lose you.”

 

“You should have told me before we became lovers,” said Glorfindel, accusingly.

 

Elrond shrugged. “If you’d rather be with Ecthelion, I won’t stand in your way. We never exchanged vows or bonded. I would set you free.” But his heart screamed in protest – unwilling to let go of his beloved. “Would you have chosen differently, had you known Ecthelion had been reborn?” Afraid to see the expression in the azure eyes, Elrond kept his eyes lowered.

 

“I do not know,” said Glorfindel, honestly. “The Valar help me, but I do not know.” Unable to carry this conversation on any longer, Glorfindel turned on his heels and marched out of the gardens.

 

“Out of my sight… and out of my life…” Elrond whispered the dreadful words, and with every step that Glorfindel took the blond slipped further away from him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel’s anger overwhelmed him and he slammed the door shut behind him after entering his rooms. His eyes were wide, his breathing deep and rapid, and his hands shook with emotion. /Elrond should have told me!/

 

He sat down on his bed and bowed his head. “What am I to do now?” Elrond had been his lover for two years, but the knowledge that Ecthelion was within reach again woke old and buried feelings. He had buried his love for the Captain of the Fountain when he had returned to Arda, never thinking he would get another chance at happiness with his first love. But now the Valar had upended his life.

 

In all those years that he had dwelt in Imladris he had never considered the possibility that the Valar would allow Ecthelion to be reborn as well. He had built a new life here. Had *finally* taken a new lover, and had been happy here. Now, his world was upside down.

 

“Ecthelion…” The name stirred desire, love and longing inside him. Ecthelion had been his lover, brother in arms and so much more. He had been the other half of his soul. And where did that leave him now?

 

A hesitant knock on the door caught his attention. Elrond would be considerate enough not to pursue him to his rooms, so who…?

 

”Glorfindel?”

 

“Elrohir…” Glorfindel sighed; he wasn’t in the mood to deal with the twin.

 

“Glorfindel? Can we talk?”

 

Glorfindel now noticed the distressed tone and walked over to the doorway to open the door. Elrohir, hair wildly tousled and eyes wide, stared at him. /He knows./

 

“Is it true?”

 

“How do you know what happened?”

 

“I overheard your conversation,” explained Elrohir. Normally he would feel ashamed for listening in on a private conversation, but it had happened unintentionally. He had been in the gardens and what he had heard alarmed him. “My father loves you!”

 

Glorfindel’s expression darkened, saddened. “Then you also realize he should have told me!”

 

Elrohir didn’t know where the words came from, but they tumbled from his lips nonetheless. “He loves you, Glorfindel. Love is a very powerful emotion… He wanted you. He has been lonely too! You are a perfect match!” When Elladan and he had found out that their father had taken Glorfindel for his lover, they had been surprised, but had accepted Elrond’s choice when they had seen the two of them radiate with love and happiness. Elrond and Glorfindel had made each other happy and he couldn’t believe that this was happening. Ecthelion was only a name to Elrohir. A name, bright with legend and valor, but still just a name, whilst his father was a very real person. “You cannot let my father go! He loves you and you love him!”

 

“But I love Ecthelion more…” Glorfindel had never meant to speak the words aloud and quickly covered his mouth with his hand, seeing the hurt on Elrohir’s face. “I am sorry, but Ecthelion and I… He was my life… Is my life once more.”

 

Elrohir swallowed hard. “I cannot believe you said that! My father sat with you during all those nights when the nightmares almost drove you insane!”

 

“But it was Ecthelion I called out for, not your father.” Glorfindel hated himself for hurting Elrohir’s feelings. “I cannot change the way I feel.”

 

“But…” Elrohir was beginning to understand that Glorfindel was right. The warrior had to follow his heart, but the half-Elf hated the fact that his father was paying the price for Glorfindel’s new happiness. “Don’t you love my father, then?”

 

“I love him dearly,” replied Glorfindel, “but Ecthelion is the other half of my soul.” Seeing Elrohir’s disappointment, Glorfindel wished things were different, but they weren’t. “I love Ecthelion still, Elrohir.”

 

Elrohir bowed his head in defeat and turned away from Glorfindel, walking down the corridor with slumped shoulders. He headed for his father’s rooms, knowing Elrond needed his support in the hours to come.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion's heart thumped madly, finally making out Glorfindel’s familiar form. “Glorfindel!” Ignoring the fact that he should greet Elrond first, he jumped off of Rohaer’s back and ran toward his lost love.

 

Glorfindel reacted in a similar way, overwhelmed at seeing Ecthelion alive and well. He ran toward the dark-haired Elf, opened his arms and caught Ecthelion in them, hugging his former lover close. A part of him couldn’t believe it was really Ecthelion in his arms, but another part recognized the familiar scent and feel. “It really is you.” Pulling away slightly – so he could look Ecthelion in the eye – his heartbeat quickened further. “Oh, Elbereth! It *really* is you!”

 

Ecthelion’s eyes had filled with tears, which now dripped from his face. “Glorfindel…” Hugging the blond as close as possible, he tried to merge with his former lover, re-establishing the connection and close contact they had always shared. Glorfindel was his entire universe and he ignored everyone standing close to him – even Erestor.

 

Erestor’s face was an emotionless mask when he watched Ecthelion and Glorfindel kiss passionately. His brown eyes met Elrond’s swimming ones and he immediately realized that he wasn’t the only one suffering – the only one who had lost a love. Apparently Elrond and Glorfindel had become very close during his absence.

 

He averted his eyes so he didn’t have to look at Ecthelion and Glorfindel any longer. His eyes locked with Elrond’s and a profound sense of understanding washed through him. After dismounting, he walked over to Elrond, greeted him, and then slipped an arm around the half-Elf’s waist to show his support.

 

“Why did you have to bring him here?” whispered Elrond, feeling awfully lost. “Why? Why couldn’t you leave him behind in the Gray Havens?”

 

“I wish I had been able to do that,” muttered Erestor, sharing Elrond’s pain. “But we cannot stand in the path of their destiny. Like everyone else, we have to face our fate.”

 

Elrond leaned into the comfort Erestor offered and fought back his tears at watching Ecthelion and Glorfindel’s joyful reunion. /I just died inside./


	11. Chapter 11

Part 11

 

Elrond had retreated to his study with Erestor in tow. The two dark-haired Elves had made their way inside in silence and had both settled down in the comfortable chairs, set in front of the fireplace. The silence remained for at least one more hour and no one dared interrupt them. Elrond knew darn well that his sons, advisors and even servants had noticed that he was upset.

 

Erestor seemed as disconcerted as he was, and Elrond lifted his eyes to look upon his Chief Advisor, who had finally come home. Studying the brown eyes, he found them swimming with tears. The long, agile fingers jerked occasionally and then hid in the long sleeves of his midnight-blue robes.

 

“You are in love with Ecthelion?” Elrond had read all signs correctly, and although he was hesitant to believe he had reached the right conclusion, it was the only thing that explained Erestor’s crestfallen expression.

 

Erestor jerked awake from his musings and his startled eyes met Elrond’s. He quickly averted them, but knew he had already given away too much. Elrond *knew*.

 

“You *are* in love with him,” stated Elrond, now with more confidence. “I do not understand this. Explain it to me.”

 

“Explain?” Erestor raised an eyebrow. “What is there to explain? I fell in love with him that very first week.”

 

Elrond blinked. “Then why did you bring him here? You must have known you would lose him to Glorfindel.” His own heart ached with pain for Erestor, knowing exactly how the other Elf was feeling, for he was suffering in the same way. “Why didn’t you stay in the Gray Havens?”

 

“The time had come for Ecthelion to face his past – and his future,” added Erestor after a moment’s thought. Finally meeting Elrond’s gray eyes, Erestor cleared his throat and added, “I always knew I would have to set him free and I made a promise to do so three years ago.”

 

“You were braver than me,” whispered Elrond, wringing his hands.

 

“My Lord…”

 

“Do not call me that,” said Elrond, firmly, “You never did before.”

 

“Elrond,” said Erestor, starting again, “You knew Ecthelion walked on Arda once more. Why did you take Glorfindel for a lover then? You knew that this day would come, just as I did.”

 

“As I said before, I am not as brave as you are.” Elrond tiredly rubbed his brow, suddenly looking as old as he really was, no longer possessing that ethereal Elven beauty. For one moment, his mask cracked. “I lived in denial, Erestor. I told myself it would last forever and that Ecthelion would never come to Imladris.” He closed his eyes briefly. “Maybe I even convinced myself that he would choose me over Ecthelion.”

 

“Denial? That does not sound like you,” said Erestor, pushing his chair a bit closer to Elrond’s. “What happened during my absence?”

 

Elrond’s eyes glazed over and became misty as his mind traveled back in time.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Glorfindel, please calm down,” whispered Elrond, “You are in Imladris, and you are quite safe.” He managed to wrap his arms around the struggling form and slowly pulled Glorfindel against him. Rocking the golden-haired Elf, he made reassuring sounds, which had always calmed his children in the past. Hopefully they had the same effect on Glorfindel. “It is a dream – a nightmare. Wake up, my friend.”

 

It took Glorfindel long minutes to calm down and to awake from his horrid nightmares. Gondolin had been afire and Ecthelion as well. He had seen the Balrog drag Ecthelion down with him, and although the spiked helm his lover wore had penetrated the Balrog’s body, slowly killing him, the evil creature had found a way to take Ecthelion down with him.

 

“Nay! Stay!” The nightmares still had a tight hold on him and Glorfindel in turn clutched tightly to the form holding and rocking him, allowing himself to believe Ecthelion had returned and was now holding him. “Ecthelion?”

 

“Nay, I am not he,” said Elrond in a choked voice. “It is I, Elrond.” Every time Glorfindel called out for Ecthelion, his heart broke a bit further. “But I have you now, Glorfindel, and I will keep you safe.” A strange expression appeared in Glorfindel’s azure eyes – one, which Elrond couldn’t label correctly – and he frowned, wondering what was going on in the blond’s head. “The nightmare is over now.”

 

“I thought you were Ecthelion,” mumbled Glorfindel, still panting softly in an attempt to catch his breath and to calm down the frantic beating of his heart. “But you are not. You are Elrond.”

 

Elrond nodded once. Patiently, he waited for Glorfindel to fully return to the present. “It was a nightmare, my friend.”

 

Glorfindel managed a weak smile, finally realizing he was in the half-Elf’s arms, resting comfortably. /Very comfortably./ “Thank you for pulling me away from them.”

 

“You are more than welcome, Glorfindel.” Elrond realized the time had come to let go of Glorfindel now that the blond was coherent again, but he didn’t want to release his charge. For one year now, he had been in love with Glorfindel – secretly in love that was. After Celebrían had left for Aman, he hadn’t dared to hope he would fall in love again, but it had happened – slowly and almost unnoticed. He vividly remembered the morning when he had woken up with butterflies tickling his insides because he would have breakfast with the Captain. Glorfindel had somehow captured his heart and the warrior had never returned it to him.

 

“Do you fare better now?” inquired Elrond, forcing himself to release the still trembling form. “You seem calmer now.”

 

Glorfindel, once more thinking rationally now that the nightmare had left, noticed the loving expression in Elrond’s eyes. He had seen that expression before, but back then it had been directed at Celebrían and the children, but never at him. What did that mean? “Would you stay? I do not want to be alone again.” If he was alone, the nightmare would return to haunt him. “Please stay.”

 

Elrond’s mouth had gone dry at hearing that request. For one moment he had thought Glorfindel was stating a different request, but he quickly berated himself for thinking such a foolish thing. Glorfindel’s heart belonged to Ecthelion. It had so in the past, and it would do so again in the future. Ecthelion had been reborn. It would be folly to even believe he had a chance with the warrior! “I will make myself comfortable in a chair.”

 

“Nay!” Glorfindel grabbed hold of Elrond’s wrist, making certain the Lord of Imladris couldn’t leave. “Stay close.”

 

Elrond’s eyes widened and he swallowed hard, trying to rid himself of his nervousness. “It is hardly fitting for me to stay in your bed.”

 

“I do not mind,” said Glorfindel, thoughtfully, now that Elrond was looking at him in that adoring fashion again. It couldn’t possibly mean what he thought it meant! Elrond couldn’t be in love with him!

 

“It is not proper.” Elrond desperately tried to find a way out of this situation, which could turn rather compromising later. His body would most certainly betray him if he slept in such close proximity to the one he secretly loved.

 

Glorfindel decided he’d had enough of Elrond’s elusive behavior and pulled the half-Elf against him. Facing each other, Glorfindel raised a hand and brushed a few knotted strands of hair away from the half-Elf’s face. The gray eyes darkened to black; he had only seen that happen before when Celebrían had been close to Elrond. All evidence pointed him into one direction; Elrond cared more about him than the half-Elf wanted him to know.

 

Searching his own feelings, he found he returned Elrond’s affection. The deep, slowly building love was firmly rooted in his mind. “Elrond?”

 

“Aye?” Elrond nervously moistened his lips. Glorfindel was so close, and the blond’s scent so intoxicating that it robbed him of his ability to think clearly. What was Glorfindel doing to him? Why didn’t the blond have mercy on him?

 

“I like having you close,” said Glorfindel, hoping his voice sounded calm and steady. The last thing he wanted was to chase Elrond away. In order to make certain Elrond had no means of escape, he folded an arm tightly around the half-Elf’s waist. Elrond gave him a puzzled look and Glorfindel smiled sweetly. Briefly, he considered addressing this attraction between them, but Elrond looked like he was about to run. He had to be careful.

 

“I am… glad you do,” whispered Elrond, rather breathless. /I like having you close too. I would enjoy kissing you even more./ In an unguarded moment his fingers found their way into Glorfindel’s fair hair, gently stroking the strands.

 

“I think I will sleep more peacefully now,” said Glorfindel, still smiling enchantingly.

 

“That is… good,” stuttered Elrond, wondering why Glorfindel was giving him such an intimate look. There was no other way to describe that expression, which made him blush and avert his eyes.

 

“Do not do that,” said Glorfindel, firmly. “Look at me.”

 

Elrond drew in a deep breath and met Glorfindel’s eyes. /He knows! Oh no, he cannot know! I was so careful!/

 

Glorfindel leaned in closer, slowly, very slowly, so Elrond had a chance to grow used to the feel of him and then brushed his lips against the half-Elf’s. “We should sleep now.”

 

“Sleep…” stuttered Elrond in confusion. Although it hadn’t been a kiss exactly, it had been sensual and intimate. “Glor…”

 

“Not now.” Glorfindel placed a finger across Elrond’s lips. “We will talk when Arien’s light has returned. We should not address this in the dark.”

 

“As you wish,” whispered Elrond, still stunned.

 

“Hold me now. Hold me until the morning comes and keep the nightmares at bay.” He snuggled up to Elrond, wrapping arms and legs around the half-Elf. After resting his head against Elrond’s shoulder, he released a deep sigh and then surrendered to a restful sleep.

 

Elrond held him close – this precious, precious charge.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“What?” Elrond was catapulted back into the present when the brush of soft fingers against his facial skin registered with him.

 

Erestor brushed the tears away with his fingertips. “I suspected you were attracted to him, but I never knew for sure.” Caressing Elrond’s face, he offered all the comfort, understanding and regret he could. “I never wanted to hurt you, my friend. But my hands were tied. I was under orders to bring Ecthelion here. But in your heart, you must have known Glorfindel would choose Ecthelion. I always knew Ecthelion would choose Glorfindel over me. That is why I refused him when he offered himself to me. He wanted to propose to me on the day he reached his majority. I told him the truth the day before that. I could not have lived with the lies or the look in his eyes when he found out I had deceived him by keeping this knowledge from him.”

 

“Again, you are much braver than I am,” whispered Elrond, leaning in when Erestor’s fingertips brushed his face. “I refused to think of what would happen should Ecthelion ever come to Imladris. It was a foolish thing to do; I know that.”

 

Erestor sighed, deeply. Elrond’s eyes were dry again, but tears still lurked in the gray depths. “What happened then?”

 

“With Glorfindel?” Elrond closed his eyes, trying to *feel* his memories, instead of just remembering them. “He made me tell him.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

/A picnic?/ Elrond felt somewhat apprehensive, seated opposite Glorfindel on a nice, comfortable blanket. The blond was busy unpacking the basket, placing all sorts of fruit onto the blanket. Next was freshly baked bread, cheese and even a carafe of wine complete with two glasses. His nervousness increased, finding Glorfindel was filling those glasses, whilst shooting him most suggestive looks. What was this about?

 

“Drink, my friend!” Glorfindel handed Elrond his glass and then sipped his own wine. He could tell that the half-Elf was nervous, clearly noticing the tense shoulders and alert eyes. /That is the last thing I want – Elrond nervous./

 

Last night had been a revelation to him and during the morning he had tried to make Elrond open up to him, but the half-Elf had proclaimed loads of paperwork awaited him and he had fled to his study. /Locking himself up in his study is more accurate!/

 

“Wine? At this early hour of the day?” Out of courtesy, Elrond sipped, but then he placed the glass on the ground next to him.

 

“Elrond, something has been on my mind lately and I want to discuss this matter with you.”

 

Elrond gulped for breath. /Nay, he cannot do this to me!/

 

“Last night I realized just how much I like having you close.” Glorfindel glanced at Elrond, coyly – even a bit seductively.

 

Elrond immediately lowered his eyes, almost gnashing his teeth due to his nervousness. /Do not do this, Glorfindel. Do not call me on my feelings for you will wreck our friendship. It is all I have left./

 

Elrond’s face was an open book to Glorfindel, who had known the half-Elf for much too long to not recognize the terror on the handsome face. “I find myself hoping that you like having me close as well.”

 

That wasn’t what Elrond had expected to hear. Forcing himself to reply, he said, “I do…” Biting his bottom lip in an attempt to do away with his feelings of insecurity he made certain he didn’t look Glorfindel in the eye.

 

“I also realized something else,” said Glorfindel, inching closer. “I would like having you close more often.”

 

Elrond’s heart jumped in hope at hearing those words. “You do?” Unable to control himself, he glanced at the blond. Glorfindel was smiling at him in a reassuring way and calm stared back at him from the azure eyes. “I would like that as well.”

 

Glorfindel raised his right hand and gently brushed Elrond’s dark mane away so he could rest his fingers at the nape of the half-Elf’s neck, softly rubbing the skin there. Elrond’s eyes widened and the half-Elf seemed to be holding his breath in anticipation. Realizing that he would have to take the first step, Glorfindel leaned in closer and placed a proper kiss onto Elrond’s trembling lips. The half-Elf moved closer, seemed to mould himself against him and sighed into his mouth.

 

Glorfindel allowed for a smug grin to surface when he finally broke the kiss. Pulling away slightly from Elrond, he studied the glazed eyes. “I feel the same way about you, Elrond. The attraction is mutual.”

 

Elrond’s heart missed a beat, and he swore it beat in a different rhythm after hearing Glorfindel’s admission. Now that the blond had made this admission, Elrond felt courageous enough to add his own confession. “I love you.” Saying those three, tiny words almost caused him to have a heart attack, as he was revealing so much of himself to the blond. “I have loved you for a year now.”

 

“Yet, you never told me,” said Glorfindel in a slightly chiding tone.

 

Elrond bowed his head, breaking eye-contact. “I know your heart belongs to Ecthelion.”

 

Hearing that name caused Glorfindel emotional pain, but he overcame it, and concentrated on giving Elrond a proper answer. “You are right; a part of me will always love him, but I also know that I need to move on. I cannot mourn a lost love for all eternity. I was given a second chance when I was reborn and I should make good use of it.” Elrond’s hopeful look almost caused tears to burst from his eyes, but Glorfindel brought his emotions back under control again. “I loved once before. I can love again. My heart is filled with love for you, Elrond.”

 

“You gained possession of mine a long time ago, Glorfindel. I always hoped you would keep it safe and now…” Lost for words, Elrond pleadingly looked at Glorfindel. “Fear kept me from telling you. I lost so many I loved… I am not certain I would survive losing you too.” In the back of his head a tiny voice warned him, reminding him that Ecthelion would reach his majority in three years. /You should not lie to Glorfindel!/

 

/I am not lying!/ replied Elrond. /I am merely not telling him – and I am not allowed to tell him at any rate! Mithrandir forbade it./

 

“Elrond?” Glorfindel cocked his head, moved even closer and wrapped his legs around Elrond, keeping him his prisoner. “You do not look very happy about this development.”

 

“I am scared,” admitted Elrond, freely. “I almost succumbed to grief when my wife left and I could not bear losing you.”

 

“You will never lose me!” stated Glorfindel, full conviction. “I will be there for you until the end of Arda – and even then, we will sail for Aman together.”

 

/You should not allow him to make that promise,/ said that little voice, warning Elrond. /He does not know about Ecthelion’s impending return, but *you* do. *You* need to do the sensible thing. Do not let him make that promise!/

 

Elrond bowed his head in defeat. “Do not make that promise, Glorfindel. You do not know what will happen in the future.” That annoying, little voice was right of course. He couldn’t let Glorfindel do this!

 

“But I want to promise you this! I love you, Elrond!” Glorfindel placed his hands on either side of Elrond’s head and forced the half-Elf to look at him. “I love you! And I will be loyal and faithful to you!”

 

“I refuse to accept that promise,” whispered Elrond beneath his breath, but Glorfindel never heard. When the blond leaned in closer to claim his lips again, Elrond let him and he surrendered to his beloved.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor’s heart had grown heavy, clearly sensing the underlying pain in Elrond’s voice, as the half-Elf continued his tale. “I am sorry,” he whispered when Elrond grew silent momentarily. “I am sorry I ruined your life.”

 

“You did not,” said Elrond, soothingly. Regaining his wits, he gathered Erestor’s hand in his, stroking the skin reassuringly. “I lied to myself. I should have accepted the truth – that Ecthelion would return. I should have refused Glorfindel.”

 

“But you did not.”

 

“I could not. I love him,” said Elrond, simply.

 

“We were given our choices and we made our decisions. Wrong decisions, and now we need to learn to live with them. We should find comfort in the fact that Glorfindel and Ecthelion at least are happy.”

 

Elrond blushed marginally when he looked at Erestor again. “Did you… Were you… intimate with…?” It wasn’t proper to ask this, but he had the feeling Erestor needed to talk about Ecthelion as well. Until now, he had done all the talking and he felt Erestor should have the opportunity to share his feelings as well.

 

Erestor gave Elrond a reassuring look. “Nay, we never took that step. I knew my heart would not survive if I did. I had to protect myself.”

 

“I gave in to my needs,” admitted Elrond in a choked voice, “I bedded him.”

 

Erestor’s fingers curled around Elrond’s, trying to offer support and comfort.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Are you certain you are ready to take this step?” Glorfindel tenderly brushed the naked skin beneath his fingertips. It had been weeks since they had admitted their love for each other and it had taken Elrond this long to find the courage to finally *really* share his bed with him. The fact that the half-Elf had never before been with a male had made Glorfindel act slowly, making certain Elrond was comfortable with their developing relationship. When Elrond had suggested they make love tonight, he had accepted, but had also told himself to proceed slowly and cautiously.

 

Elrond nodded once. His nervousness showed in the tremors that coursed through his body, and when Glorfindel rose above him in his naked glory, his hands became cold and sweaty. He knew what was about to happen and what to expect, but he had never done this before! “I want this,” he reassured his fair lover, “But… I am… nervous.”

 

“Trust yourself to me,” whispered Glorfindel, seductively, allowing the long strands of his hair to brush against his lover’s hard nipples. Elrond gasped and Glorfindel caught the bruised lips in a long and passionate kiss, letting his right hand travel down to the half-Elf’s groin.

 

Fingers curled around his hardened flesh and Elrond involuntarily raised his hips. This was a whole new experience for him and he trusted Glorfindel to take good care of him. The blond would never hurt him!

 

The kisses deepened and now there was tongue involved too, something which Elrond welcomed most eagerly. Wrapping his own tongue around Glorfindel’s, he tried to devour his new lover.

 

Elrond’s eagerness reassured Glorfindel, who stroked his lover’s hot flesh firmly. Elrond tensed underneath him in orgasm and hot cream dripped onto his hand. Finally, Elrond relaxed and Glorfindel gave his lover a longing look. Whilst Elrond was still in the throes of orgasm, Glorfindel reached for the vial with oil and coated his member with it. Sliding his hands beneath Elrond’s legs, he lifted them. He slipped into place between the long legs and positioned himself against his lover’s opening. Slowly, but determinedly, he penetrated the half-Elf, whose gray eyes now fastened on him in a mix of shock, pain and fulfillment.

 

The sensation was new, painful and unexpected. He reckoned Glorfindel thought taking him through this situation step by step would only cause him more stress and so the blond had simply opted for action. Biting his lip against the pain that washed through him, he grabbed hold of the sheet, clawing at it.

 

Glorfindel took great care to slide inside slowly, giving Elrond time to grow used to the invading sensation. Finally completely inside, he lowered himself onto the panting half-Elf and cradled him close. Kissing Elrond, he allowed for his tongue to trace the inside of the bruised lips and then he carefully thrust for the first time.

 

Tremors traveled through Elrond’s body when the channel was stretched to the maximum. A droplet of blood dripped from his lips, from where he had buried his teeth in the soft tissue. Trying to relax, he surrendered to the more experienced Elf.

 

Glorfindel thrust shallowly again and concentrated on finding that nub inside Elrond’s body that would make the pain fade and allow for pleasure to take over.

 

Elrond wrapped his arms around Glorfindel – needing the hold and to anchor himself – and buried his face in the crook of his lover’s neck. He had known there would be discomfort, pain even, but wasn’t it supposed to fade by now? Why else would males engage in this activity if there was only pain? Unwilling to disappoint Glorfindel, he moaned softly, pretending to enjoy the act as well.

 

But Glorfindel wasn’t misled and thrust again, this time more confident he was aiming for the correct spot. Elrond unexpectedly jerked beneath him and the channel loosened somewhat, allowing him to move more easily. Thrusting again, he tried to rub that sensitive spot as long as possible, drawing out the sweet sensation.

 

Elrond was literally seeing stars and had to close his eyes when the sensation threatened to overwhelm him. “Oh…” Moaning loudly, he raised his hips to meet Glorfindel’s thrust halfway. A wave of ecstasy washed over him and he threw back his head, not realizing he was baring his throat to his lover.

 

Glorfindel quickly made use of that and first kissed, and then nipped playfully at the sensitive skin. He would mark Elrond shortly, but not yet. He wanted Elrond to be on the edge when he buried his teeth in the half-Elf’s throat.

 

Elrond moved along with Glorfindel, at the mercy of each deeply penetrating thrust. He had never experienced anything like this and the sensation caused him to grow hard again. Suddenly, Glorfindel took hold of his hand and placed it on his member. Within seconds, Elrond found the right rhythm and he stroked his enflamed flesh, slowly finding his way to orgasm again.

 

Glorfindel carefully monitored Elrond and sensed the exact moment of release. Burying his teeth in Elrond’s skin playfully, he delivered one last thrust and then found release himself.

 

Elrond didn’t know what exactly made him faint. Was it the sensation of feeling his own semen splash onto his abdomen? The fact that he had come a second time within such a short time? Or was it feeling Glorfindel ejaculate inside him? Or maybe it was all those things together?

 

“Elrond!” Glorfindel’s eyes widened in alarm, feeling Elrond go limp beneath him. “Elrond!” Concerned, he watched the half-Elf closely. Once his member had softened, he pulled out. He continued to cover his lover’s naked body with his own, hoping the feel of him would bring Elrond back to awareness. It had been a long time since he had made love to someone. Ecthelion had been his first – and he had always thought also his last -- but not any more. Elrond was his lover now. /An unconscious lover!/

 

When the gray eyes finally opened, Glorfindel sighed, relieved. “Elrond? I…”

 

Elrond shook his head. “Do not you apologize, Glorfindel. It was perfect.”

 

“It was?” Glorfindel grinned, cheekily. “You deserve nothing less, you know.” He rolled off of Elrond and quickly established bodily contact again by folding his arms around Elrond. Glorfindel studied Elrond, who looked sated and quite debauched. “Love you…”

 

“Love you too.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Would you please leave me, Erestor? I need a moment alone.” Elrond abruptly rose from his chair and walked over to the window, where he stared at the now empty courtyard.

 

“Of course.”

 

Elrond waited for the door to close behind Erestor and then leaned forward, resting his feverish brow against the cool bricks of the wall. “I was a fool. Such a fool to believe… To believe that Glorfindel was mine. He never was and never will be.”


	12. Chapter 12

Part 12

 

“It *really* is *you*!” Glorfindel sat on the grass in the garden, with Ecthelion’s head clutched tightly between his hands. Entranced, he stared into gray eyes, which he had thought he would never see again. Rubbing the skin, along with a few strands of dark hair with his fingertips, he couldn’t get enough of staring at his former lover.

 

Ecthelion smiled, warmly. At this very moment being close to Glorfindel, and being able to look at him, was extremely satisfying. The blond’s presence soothed him and made him feel as if he was floating. “I thought I would never see you again!”

 

Glorfindel nodded, firmly. “I had made my peace with that thought, but now you are here and everything has changed.” Inching closer, his face hovered close to Ecthelion’s, deeply inhaling the familiar scent. “I kept you alive in my heart. No day went by without me remembering you.”

 

Pulling Glorfindel toward him, Ecthelion held him close, encouraging the blond to rest his head against his shoulder. Wrapped in each other, they sat there and listened to the song of the birds and savored Arien’s warm rays on their skin. “You are back in my arms once more.”

 

Pulling free, Glorfindel lifted his head to look upon his former lover, trying to embed the expression in those gray eyes in his mind. “Let me look at you. You look young! You feel young!”

 

“I reached my majority a week ago,” said Ecthelion, brushing his lips over Glorfindel’s brow in almost a kiss. “The moment I learned of your existence my heart commanded me to travel to Imladris so we could be reunited.”

 

Glorfindel shook his head, still afraid to believe Ecthelion was really this close – this alive. “I have missed you so much! When Námo told me I was to be reborn, I rejoiced because I assumed you would return to Arda with me. But then, when I realized the truth…” Glorfindel paused, trying to get his fierce emotions back under control, “But then I realized I was to be reborn alone. You were to stay in the Halls of Waiting. I did not want to be reborn. I begged Námo to reconsider, but he was determined to see this through.”

 

Ecthelion placed a hand at the nape of Glorfindel’s neck and pulled the blond close enough for a kiss. Like a rose, Glorfindel’s lips opened for him, welcoming him home. And it felt familiar. The kiss felt so familiar! So very right!

 

Glorfindel groaned, overwhelmed by his feelings and desires. “I need you.”

 

“I need you as well, Glorfindel.” Ecthelion was already busy unbuttoning the blond’s shirt, revealing first one, and then a second naked shoulder. “You are as beautiful as you were when we made love that very last time in Gondolin.”

 

Glorfindel blushed, touched by the compliment. “Your beauty is still as dark and blinding as ever. How did I ever manage without you?” Following Ecthelion’s example, his fingers busied themselves with the lacing of his lover’s shirt. “It has been so long. Take me. Make me yours. I need to feel you deep inside of me.”

 

Ecthelion needed no more encouragement, sliding Glorfindel’s shirt away from the blond. Within seconds, he had undone the lacing of the leggings, which he slid down the long legs. Finally, after all these millennia his beloved lay beneath him, quivering with desire and already aroused. A faint blush covered most of Glorfindel’s body and the long legs opened in invitation – an invitation, which Ecthelion eagerly accepted.

 

After ridding himself of his trousers, Ecthelion knelt between the long legs, admiring them. Running his fingertips up the calves, he explored the inside of the thighs, never touching Glorfindel’s organ. “You want to repeat that last time we made love?”

 

Glorfindel nodded. “Please…” He had always been afraid to hope that this day would ever come and now that Ecthelion was here – against all odds – he found his need for conversation had vanished, whilst his need to be touched, caressed and taken had increased a hundredfold. “Claim me.”

 

Nipping at Glorfindel’s bottom lip, Ecthelion nodded in agreement. “I need you too.”

 

Eager to start their lovemaking, Glorfindel turned, and presented himself on all fours to his lover. Looking over his shoulder at the dark-haired Elf, he almost begged for release, his member hanging heavily between his legs and screaming for attention, but he kept back. He had waited for this moment for so long that he refused to rush this!

 

Spotting a healing plant nearby, Ecthelion pulled it from the earth, rubbed the leaves between his fingers and spread the juices they released onto his aching member. He placed one hand at the small of Glorfindel’s back, rubbing the skin there, which always relaxed his lover. Pushing inside the tight glove, he fought for breath as the experience overwhelmed him.

 

Glorfindel threw back his head and released a triumphant scream. Ecthelion had returned to him and they were confirming that ancient connection, their bodies becoming one and whole again.

 

Pistoning in and out of Glorfindel’s body, Ecthelion leaned forward, licked the delicately curved and slightly salty back and reached beneath his lover’s body to stroke the aroused flesh in time with his thrusts. “So long…” he panted into Glorfindel’s ear, “It has been so long.”

 

Approaching orgasm, Glorfindel yelped in surprise. Much too soon! He wanted their act to last!

 

Glorfindel’s inner muscle clenched around him and caused him to reach orgasm himself. “Kiss me,” he panted, and when Glorfindel looked at him from over his shoulder, he claimed his lover’s lips in a passionate kiss. Buried deeply inside Glorfindel, he let go of his emotions. He felt like he had finally come home.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Cold… Lonely… Unfamiliar. His rooms were shrouded in darkness, as the curtains were still closed. Erestor didn’t feel the need to open them so Arien’s light could enter his quarters. He sat in silence and darkness, so no one would see the tears leaving his eyes.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Adar?” Elrohir softly knocked at Elrond’s door, not wanting to infringe on his father’s privacy, but at the same time eager to demonstrate his support. “May I enter?”

 

Elrond raised his head, which had been bowed in defeat and he wiped away the tears that still lingered on his cheeks. He should have known his sons would seek him out and Elrohir was always the first to check on him. “Aye, you may.” Straightening out his robes, he reached for the quill, pretending he was working on his correspondence.

 

But Elrohir wasn’t that easily fooled, seeing traces of tears on his father’s face. He walked over to the desk and resolutely pushed Elrond’s chair away from it. Kneeling in front of his father, he rested his head on Elrond’s lap. Elrond reacted automatically by stroking his hair, which was exactly the reaction Elrohir had hoped for.

 

“You always know how to soothe my troubled thoughts.” Elrond managed a weak smile. It was true, stroking Elrohir’s hair always comforted him.

 

“I do not want you to be alone,” whispered Elrohir, squeezing Elrond’s knee. “Why don’t you join us in the Hall of Fire?”

 

“Not tonight, my son. I could not bear to look at them – to see their happiness. I am not ready yet for that.” Elrond chided himself for being such a coward, but he couldn’t face them yet.

 

“In that case, *I* will stay with you,” said Elrohir, looking up at his father. Seeing those red-rimmed eyes caused his facial features to contort. “How I wish I could take your pain away!”

 

“I will endure,” replied Elrond, who had found his composure again.

 

“But will you ever be happy again?”

 

“I do not know the answer to that question, my son. No one does.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The soft knock came unexpected and was greatly unwelcome. Erestor almost growled, hearing it, but then pulled himself together again. Rising from his chair, he called out, “Who is it?”

 

“It is I.”

 

Erestor sighed. There was only one person who announced himself in that fashion. “It is I, Elladan,” he corrected.

 

“Hum, I thought your name was Erestor?” Pushing down the door handle, the door swung open and Elladan entered, appalled to find Erestor wrapped in darkness. “This won’t do.”

 

Erestor resigned himself to the situation when Elladan opened the curtains and windows so light and fresh air could freely enter. Elladan was a stubborn half-Elf, who insisted that everything was done his way – most of the time then. It took some detailed argumentation to convince the half-Elf otherwise, but discussion demanded energy – energy, which he lacked at the moment. “What do you want from me?”

 

Elladan carefully considered his words. He had seen the expression in Erestor’s eyes when Ecthelion had gone to Glorfindel, leaving him behind. He might not be as ancient and wise as Erestor, but could recognize a broken heart. “I am here to keep you company and to prevent you from brooding.”

 

Erestor cocked his head. “I reckon it is safe to assume your brother is keeping Elrond company?”

 

“We cannot have the two of you locking yourself away. That is not acceptable.” Elladan advanced on Erestor and managed to take hold of the elder Elf’s arm. “You have been on the road this past week. I think a long, hot bath is in order. And then, food.”

 

“Are you going to take care of me now?” Erestor didn’t know whether to laugh or weep, seeing Elladan’s determined expression.

 

“If need be, aye.” Elladan nodded once. “You took care of me when I was little… and of Elrohir, Estel, and Arwen too, but that is irrelevant now. *You* are going to take that bath.” He resolutely shooed Erestor into the bathroom. “And make certain you are ready in twenty minutes! Dinner will be served in your rooms!”

 

Erestor rested his forehead against the wood of the door, sighing deeply. “Just what I need…”

 

“I am glad you agree,” stated Elladan, grinning widely. But the cocky attitude was more of an act than reality. He knew Erestor was hurting, and like Elrohir was trying to comfort their father, he was trying to keep an eye on Erestor. That was, until Elrohir and he’d had a chance to talk some sense into their former tutor. What *was* Glorfindel thinking, dumping their father like that when it was obvious Elrond and Glorfindel were meant to be together? That just wasn’t acceptable.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Adar, come with me.” Elrohir extended his hand and waited for his father to take it. They had sat in near silence this last half hour and he’d had enough of it. He had seen his father slip into depression before and he wasn’t going to allow for it to happen again.

 

“I do not want to leave my study. I have work to do.” Elrond wanted to remain buried here, never to face Glorfindel again.

 

“We are having dinner in Erestor’s rooms. Elladan arranged for that.” Elrohir gave his father an encouraging look. “Do you think you can manage dinner with Erestor and your sons?”

 

Elrond’s expression softened. “Always.” Rising from his chair, he caught Elrohir’s hand in his and squeezed it. “I am blessed with such sons.”

 

Elrohir smiled, but privately he feared for his father’s sanity. What would Glorfindel’s rejection do to his father’s mental health?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Good!” Elladan had adapted the same attitude Erestor had displayed when the advisor had minded him and Elrohir when they had been toddlers. “You are clean and smell of daffodils.” Erestor gave him the oddest look ever, which made him burst out into laugher.

 

“Do not take that attitude with me, pen-neth.” It had been Erestor’s intention to scold Elrohir, but he found he couldn’t. Instead, Elrohir’s words and giggles drew a chuckle from him. “You always were the one causing trouble.”

 

“Good! I am proud of that!” Elladan giggled again, relieved to find Erestor’s dark mood was lifting due to their chattering. “And you should get dressed, Erestor. Elrond and Elrohir should be here any moment now.”

 

“What?” Erestor’s widened eyes revealed his surprise. “Why are they coming here?”

 

“To have dinner?” offered Elladan, innocently.

 

“But…” Realizing he was fighting a lost battle, Erestor gave in. Elladan was obviously determined to do this his way.

 

“May I suggest these robes?” Elladan had selected robes in a dark blue and green, the hems decorated with silver thread.

 

Erestor sighed and opened his arms. Elladan promptly dropped the robes into them. He stepped back into the bathroom, dressed, and braided his hair. When he returned to the bedroom, he looked like the Chief Advisor of old. The warrior that had emerged during his time in the Gray Havens had vanished.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Elrohir?” Elladan knocked out of courtesy, but he was already opening the door.

 

Dinner had arrived a moment before, and Elladan guided Erestor to the table, whilst calling out, “Enter.”

 

Elrond shuffled inside behind Elrohir. He felt like an intruder, knowing from personal experience that Erestor wanted to be alone – much like he himself wanted to be left alone. He understood why his sons were doing this, but forcing them to be social wouldn’t work. Not yet. The loss and pain were still too fresh. But like Erestor, he would try.

 

Erestor’s glance met his and understanding passed between them. They would push their emotions back into a tiny corner of their mind and act according to their station in the twins’ presence. After seating himself, Elrond stared at the food, having no appetite at all.

 

The food was actually making Erestor queasy and he refused when Elladan tried to pile the food onto his plate. “I am not hungry, pen-neth.”

 

“Neither am I,” said Elrond, quickly, before Elrohir could offer him soup.

 

The twins’ features grew saddened, knowing they couldn’t force the elder Elves to eat. This took time. “Would you prefer for us to leave?” asked Elladan eventually.

 

Another look passed between Elrond and Erestor. In the end, Elrond answered. “Aye, that might be best.”

 

Elladan and Elrohir left the table and walked toward the doorway. “Please do not leave the other alone,” Elrohir said, “Find comfort in each other’s company.”

 

“We will try,” promised Erestor. Once the twins had closed the door behind them, he sought out Elrond’s eyes. “They are good boys. Caring and loving souls.”

 

“Aye, they are.” Elrond pushed his chair away from the table and got to his feet. He paced the bedroom for several minutes before coming to a standstill in front of Erestor. Seeing his own pain reflected in the dark eyes, he made his decision. “I do not want to be alone tonight.”

 

“Neither do I,” confirmed Erestor, “But… My heart craves Ecthelion. I cannot be there for you in *that* way, if that is what you desire.”

 

Elrond shook his head, realizing Erestor had misunderstood. “I just want to hold you through the night. Nothing more. Nothing else. Just hold you.”

 

Relieved, Erestor nodded his head once. “I would like being held tonight. I do not want to be alone either.” He had slept in one bed with Ecthelion for three years and having someone close tonight would ease his pain.

 

Elrond caught Erestor’s trembling hand in his and gently pulled his friend to his feet. They made they way to the bed in silence, where they lay down, Elrond spooned behind Erestor. Wrapping his arms around Erestor, Elrond rested his head on his friend’s shoulder. Erestor, in turn, grabbed hold of Elrond’s arm and held on to it for dear life, as if it was his only connection to life. “We will guard each other’s dreams tonight,” whispered Elrond. “There won’t be any nightmares, and in the morning, we will find the strength to face the new day.”

 

“Together. We will face it together.”

 

“Aye, we will.”

 

It took both Elves hours to fall asleep, but in the end they did. Elrond’s dreams were filled with images of Glorfindel, who was running away from him, whilst Erestor dreamt of the Sea, clearly feeling its magical call.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion blinked when Arien stood high in the morning, sending her rays of warm rays over Arda. Glorfindel and he had spent last night out in the open, talking for long hours whilst taking in the starlit heavens. Last night had been much like their last night shared in Gondolin, before the attack.

 

Glorfindel still rested safely in his arms, limbs wrapped around him, and his head rested on his chest, a tiny amount of drool leaving the bruised lips. The sight made him smile. Aye, this was *his* Glorfindel. The one he remembered so vividly.

 

He was happy again. Glorfindel was back in his life and they could carry on – finally. But then, unbidden, an image of Erestor entered his mind. Ecthelion found himself fighting that Nazgûl again and was forced to watch the evil being injure Erestor. He tensed beneath the load of memories. Oh, Erestor… Ecthelion closed his eyes, his own words coming back to haunt him. Hadn’t he proclaimed he only loved Erestor? That he planned to marry him? /By the Valar, what did I do?/ What had he done by going to Glorfindel and deserting Erestor? But he had spoken the truth earlier – he loved them both!

 

“What ails you?” Sensing Ecthelion’s unrest, Glorfindel had awoken and he now studied the dark-haired Elf with obvious worry in his eyes.

 

“It is nothing,” choked Ecthelion out, not wanting to ruin this perfect morning. He would tell Glorfindel about Erestor later. “I want to stay here with you forever.”

 

“But, we cannot.” Glorfindel pushed himself into a sitting position and ran his long fingers through the tangled strands of hair in an effort to sort them out. “I need to join the guards to oversee their training and you need to report to Erestor so he can assign you quarters and a position within Elrond’s household.”

 

Erestor… There was that name again. “Can I not report to Elrond instead?”

 

Glorfindel frowned. “You do not like Erestor? I must admit I am surprised, considering you lived with him for the last three years.”

 

Ecthelion was still unwilling to discuss this now and resolutely got to his feet. “I will report to Erestor, then.”

 

Glorfindel rose from the grass as well, smiling cheekily. “We will see each other tonight and I will show you around Imladris after dinner. You will love it here. It is a place of peace and joy.”

 

Absentmindedly, Ecthelion nodded; privately he was worried about talking to Erestor. How would the elder Elf react to seeing him?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Ecthelion?”

 

Elrond instantly soothed his friend, finding Erestor calling out for Ecthelion. “Hush, all is well, my friend.” Wasn’t it ironic that he had first comforted Glorfindel, who had called out for Ecthelion and now Erestor? /Why did he have to break your heart, Erestor? Why did you allow it?/

 

But he immediately chided himself. He had been determined not to admit his feelings to Glorfindel, but then, one night, Glorfindel had reached behind his mask and the next day the blond had made him confess. /We never stood a chance, Erestor. If only Ecthelion and you had remained in the Gray Havens./ But even in that case, the two reborn Elves would have met eventually. They would have been drawn close. /And keeping Ecthelion’s past a secret would not have been fair. I understand why you did it, Erestor, why you brought him here./

 

At hearing a voice, Erestor blinked and awoke. He didn’t know what to make of Elrond’s presence in his bed, but then he recalled arriving in Imladris and Ecthelion deserting him for Glorfindel. “Thank you for staying the night.” Slowly, he sat upright and shook his head in an effort to clear it.

 

Elrond sat upright as well and rested his back against the headboard. “Erestor? Will you tell me why? How?”

 

Erestor carefully avoided making eye contact and stared at the bed linens instead. “It just happened.” Helplessly, he shrugged his shoulders. “There is so much zest for life and energy in him. He is so eager to learn and friendly. And most certainly brave. He fought a Nazgûl for me. Ecthelion is loving and tender. My heart fell in love with him.”

 

Elrond felt a deep sympathy for Erestor. His story resembled his own. “And now you have to do without him.”

 

“I always knew that day would come,” said Erestor, softly, “But what I was not prepared for was the effect seeing them together would have on me. I want to be happy for them. I know they deserve this second chance, but…”

 

“I know that seeing them together is hard,” offered Elrond, “but we need to find a way to deal with it. We will see a lot of them.”

 

Erestor released a long sigh. “It does not seem fair.”

 

“It is not,” replied Elrond, rubbing Erestor’s back. “But this is our life and we need to make the best of it.” Erestor finally made eye contact and Elrond added, “You will always find a listening ear with me, my friend.”

 

“And you can always come to me.” They understood each other’s pain. “So how do we survive today?” He already trembled at the prospect of having to talk to Ecthelion or Glorfindel, or seeing them together.

 

“We are old, Erestor. They call us Lords and lore masters. Healers even. We will find a way.”

 

“We must,” said Erestor, nodding his head.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Nervous. He was so darn nervous! Just because he was about to face Erestor in a moment! One of Erestor’s scribes had shown him inside and now he was pacing the elder Elf’s study like a caged animal. /A guilty conscience,/ that was what tormenting him. Erestor had told him not to make any promises, but blissfully unaware of his past, he had made them any way.

 

“You wanted to speak with me?” Erestor entered and headed for the desk, seating himself behind it, never making eye contact.

 

Ecthelion stared at Erestor, barely believing the change he saw in the elder Elf. He had known Erestor as open, friendly and warm, and now… Erestor exuded cold, distance and disinterest even. “What happened to you?” The words left his lips before he had a chance to stop them.

 

“I do not know what you are referring to. Now tell me what brings you here.” Erestor placed a report in front of him and pretended to be reading it. But his heart thundered in his chest and the palms of his hands were cold and sweaty due to his nervousness. Why had Ecthelion come here?

 

“Glorfindel told me to report to you so you could assign rooms and a position in Elrond’s household to me.” But that wasn’t what Ecthelion had wanted to say. /Why? Why are you acting in this manner? I still love you!/ But he loved Glorfindel as well…

 

“I assumed you would share Glorfindel’s rooms, but I will assign private quarters to you, if that is what you want.” Erestor wrote down the location of the suite and handed the piece of paper to Ecthelion, careful not to touch the other Elf’s fingers. “And you will train and ride with Glorfindel for now. Doubtlessly, you will become a Captain here in time.”

 

Ecthelion swallowed hard, trying to rid himself of the lump of emotions nestled tightly in his throat. “Will it be like this all the time, Erestor? Won’t you even look at me?” When Erestor then did look at him, he wished he had never challenged the Chief Advisor. The large, chocolate brown eyes were red-rimmed from crying and the expression in them was empty, even glazed over. “Oh…”

 

“Aye, things will be like this between us,” forced Erestor out from between clenched teeth. “Do not make this any harder than it already is, Ecthelion. Like me, you made your choices and you need to live with them. Seek me out only when necessary.”

 

Ecthelion blinked in surprise. He had been searching Erestor’s eyes and beneath the blank look, he still found traces of the love the elder Elf held for him. “I am so sorry that I love Glorfindel. I wish I did not.”

 

“But you do.” Erestor picked up his quill and began to write a reply to the report in front of him. “If that is all, you are free to leave. Show the locations of your suite to the servants and they will take you there.”

 

Ecthelion blinked again, his eyes filling with tears. /I love you, Erestor./ But he loved Glorfindel too. /By the Valar, why are you doing this to me? Is this what you want? To torment me for the rest of his life?/ Or maybe, he was supposed to do something else? /Who do I love more? Glorfindel or Erestor? And how am I to find out and choose?/ Confused, he mumbled a goodbye and fled the room.

 

The quill dropped from Erestor’s fingers, creating an ugly ink blot on the paper, but the advisor never noticed. His fingers shook with emotion. /Elbereth, why? Why did I have to lose my heart to him?/

 

Elrond’s words then returned him. They would take this one day at a time and find a way to survive.


	13. Chapter 13

Part 13

 

Confused.

 

He felt awfully confused after his visit with Erestor. A servant had shown him to his new quarters and he now sat on his bed, staring at the floor. It was hard to accept that the friendly Erestor he had known in the Gray Havens had become so cold and distant. He recalled gentle touches, desperate kisses and the feel of Erestor’s body pressed against his.

 

“I love him!” he exclaimed, but once his words had vaporized only silence remained. “But I love Glorfindel as well!” Burying his face in the palms of his hands, he shook his head. “What am I supposed to do? I waited so long to be reunited with Glorfindel and I love him! I love him too!” His voice took on a panicking tone. “But seeing Erestor in such a poor shape hurts! I do not want him to hurt! What do I do?”

 

Tears swam in his eyes, but he refused to let them flow. He had gotten himself and Erestor in this mess and he had to get them out again.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel found he couldn’t look Elrond in the eye. He stood in front of the Lord’s desk, awaiting today’s instructions. Elrond sounded calm and controlled, but he sensed the other Elf’s emotional turmoil clearly. Even the weather seemed influenced by it. Had it been bright and sunny in the morning, dark clouds had appeared since he had entered Elrond’s study.

 

“Send a patrol to check our northern borders. Orcs were sighted there.” Elrond leaned back in his chair, drinking in Glorfindel’s sight. No matter how hurt he felt, he still loved Glorfindel and for that weakness he hated himself. /But this is my fault. I knew this would happen and yet I allowed us to become lovers./

 

Glorfindel hesitantly looked at Elrond and was somewhat relieved to find the eyes clear, although they also seemed predatorily and alert. Elrond was on his guard and wouldn’t allow him to address Ecthelion.

 

“There will be a feast tonight to celebrate Ecthelion’s return. I expect the two of you to attend.” Elrond briefly closed his eyes, wishing Ecthelion had never come to his valley.

 

“Will you be present as well?”

 

Elrond opened his eyes and gave Glorfindel an emotionless look. “Briefly. I feel tired and will leave the celebrating to Ecthelion and you.” He would say a few words to welcome Ecthelion and then take his leave. “That was all. You may leave now.”

 

“Elrond…” Glorfindel acted impulsively by stepping closer to the desk. Trying to catch Elrond’s elusive gaze, he asked, “How do you fare?” It was true, Elrond looked tired, but there was more. /Of course there is more! I chose Ecthelion over him!/

 

“I will manage,” said Elrond in a neutral tone. “Go now. I need to finish this letter.”

 

“Are we… Are we still friends?” Glorfindel placed his hands on the desk and leaned in closer, giving Elrond a pleading look.

 

Elrond placed the report back on the desk and probed Glorfindel’s eyes. “I do not know, Glorfindel. I would like for us to be friends, but I am not certain I can manage that. You must understand that everything between us has changed. For now, I would prefer to keep our contact limited.”

 

Loneliness stared back at him from the depths of Elrond’s gray eyes. Glorfindel knew how much it had cost Elrond to open up to him three years ago. To surrender to their love and accept him into his heart. It was only natural Elrond was protecting himself now. “You will always have my love and loyalty.”

 

Elrond cocked his head. “Loyalty, aye, but love?”

 

Glorfindel’s mouth went awfully dry. “I still love you.”

 

“How can you say that when you love Ecthelion?” Elrond pushed back his chair and eyed Glorfindel closely. “Your heart cannot beat for two people. You made your choice, didn’t you?”

 

Swallowing hard, Glorfindel nodded.

 

“Then tell me never again that you love me, for that is a lie.”

 

/Nay, no lie,/ thought Glorfindel, but he didn’t say the words aloud, realizing Elrond couldn’t understand him. /I love you still./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Having to endure Elrohir's glare actually hurt. Glorfindel shyly looked over his shoulder at the twin and flinched; Elrohir's eyes were filled with a stormy anger, which he had never seen before.

 

"How can you do this to him?" Elrohir advanced on Glorfindel and forced the blond to a halt, blocking his former tutor's path. From his right, Elladan appeared and his twin joined him in staring down Glorfindel. "Why?" added Elladan.

 

Glorfindel averted his eyes under the onslaught of their glares and shuffled his feet. Nervously, he checked for a way out, but the twins effectively blocked the exit. "I love Ecthelion," he offered eventually. "Is that so hard to understand?"

 

Elladan growled, softly. "And because of that love you willingly make our father and Erestor suffer?"

 

Glorfindel now looked up in surprise. "Erestor?" Why would Erestor be suffering?

 

"Ecthelion never told you," realized Elladan. In that case, he didn't have the right to reveal the truth to Glorfindel. "Ask Ecthelion. Ask him why Erestor is suffering."

 

Glorfindel's eyes narrowed, recalling his lover's reluctance to report to Erestor that morning. "Elladan, Elrohir, I do not expect you to understand, but..."

 

"You are correct," replied Elrohir, "We do not understand." He shook his head, exasperated. "You built a life here and found a new love. And then you throw that all away because someone from your past reappears? It makes me wonder if you ever truly loved my father. Or did you just use him?"

 

Glorfindel's eyes shot daggers of anger at Elrohir. "I loved him! I still do!"

 

The twins exchanged a look of understanding. It was Elladan who voiced their thoughts in the end. "I pity you, Glorfindel. I never thought I would." Turning around resolutely, the twins left, leaving behind a bewildered looking Glorfindel.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Ecthelion?" Glorfindel burst into his rooms, relieved to find his lover there. He wasn't in the mood to search the Last Homely House for him.

 

Sensing Glorfindel's distress, Ecthelion moved away from the window, stepped up to the blond and folded an arm around his lover's waist. "What ails you?"

 

"I... There is something you need to know. Can we talk?"

 

"But of course!" Ecthelion guided Glorfindel back to the bed, where they sat down. Forcing his own thoughts -- disturbing thoughts featuring Erestor -- from his mind, he focused on Glorfindel instead. "You know you can tell me everything. I love you." He hoped those were the words Glorfindel needed to hear. "What has upset you?"

 

"I have not been completely honest with you," started Glorfindel, hurting when he saw the dazed expression in Ecthelion's eyes at hearing this. "I took a lover two years ago."

 

Ecthelion didn't know why he felt relieved at learning this, but he did. Shouldn't he feel jealous instead? Why relieved? "Please continue."

 

"Elrond and I... He would come to me at night when those nightmares tormented me. We fell in love and we were happy... You must understand that I never thought you would return to me." Glorfindel gave Ecthelion a pleading look, not questioning his luck when the raven-haired Elf smiled reassuringly. Ecthelion was taking this better than he had thought. "I was lonely and much in love. Had I known the Valar had allowed you to be reborn..."

 

"Then what?" Ecthelion gently rubbed Glorfindel's slightly clammy hand between his.

 

"I do not know if I had allowed Elrond and I to become lovers. I love you, Ecthelion."

 

"But you also love Elrond." Everything fell into place and he realized why he had felt so relieved to learn this. Hadn't he done exactly the same thing?

 

"It drives me insane!" Glorfindel slammed one fist into the mattress, allowing his anger a way out.

 

Ecthelion swallowed hard; the time had come to be return Glorfindel's honesty. "When I stayed in the Gray Havens I fell in love as well."

 

Glorfindel's eyes widened. "You did?"

 

"I had no memory of you, or Gondolin, and I fell in love with Erestor. It happened that first week."

 

"Erestor?" Now Glorfindel understood why Ecthelion had been reluctant to report to the Chief Advisor.

 

"I promised to wed him on the day of my majority, but he told me about you the day before." Ecthelion averted his eyes. "Our love was never physical, although I continued to pursue him in that way. He said we should wait. It was only after he told me about you that I understood why."

 

Glorfindel tenderly rubbed Ecthelion's knuckles. "Do you still love him? Like I love Elrond?"

 

"I think I do." Ecthelion gathered his courage and looked Glorfindel in the eye. "I do not understand how this can be. How can I love the both of you?"

 

"I asked myself that same question." Taking the initiative, Glorfindel wrapped his arms around Ecthelion, who leaned in and rested his body against him.

 

"I have hurt him, Glorfindel. I hurt Erestor."

 

/And I hurt Elrond./ Patiently, Glorfindel waited for Ecthelion to continue. He rubbed soothing circles across the raven-haired Elf's back, hoping to reassure him.

 

"During our time in the Havens one of the Nazgûl attacked. Erestor told me to flee, but I did not. I disobeyed and he was wounded because of me. During his recovery I admitted my love to him." Ecthelion flinched, reliving the exact moment when the dead King had buried his sword in Erestor's back. "He was willing to die for me, Glorfindel."

 

A lump of emotions had formed in the blond's throat, realizing how deep Ecthelion's love for Erestor ran. "I must admit I wondered about Erestor's cool demeanor earlier. I do not know him like that. But it makes sense now."

 

Ecthelion was at a loss for words. What else could he add to his admission? "I love him, Glorfindel, but I love you too."

 

Glorfindel pulled away so he could look into Ecthelion's swimming eyes. "Resolving this will take time. My feelings for Elrond are still very strong as well."

 

Ecthelion raised a hand and his fingers combed through Glorfindel's fair mane. "I am afraid to speak my thoughts."

 

"Speak them any way. Maybe they mirror mine," said Glorfindel, feeling breathless.

 

"Are we meant to be together in this life time, Glorfindel? The Valar know I still love you -- that I would lay down my life for you, but..."

 

"Hush now," said Glorfindel, pulling Ecthelion close once more, and rocking him slowly. "We were reunited only hours ago. We do not have to make any decisions yet. Let us enjoy being together again and work through our feelings in time."

 

"You have had more time to come to terms with your rebirth," muttered Ecthelion against Glorfindel's chest. "I will follow your advise."

 

"Good." Glorfindel, filled with his own doubts, maneuvered them into a lying position. Once they were on their sides, facing each other, he pulled Ecthelion close once more. Holding him, he pressed a kiss onto Ecthelion's raven hair. Although they had been reunited, he had never felt more alone.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"We will only stay for a short while," said Elrond, checking his appearance in the mirror. He had dressed in his most formal robes, wore his circlet and had braided his hair away from his face. He looked like the Elven-Lord he was, but inside he felt tiny and depressed. His exterior was a front designed to hide his feelings and when he looked at Erestor, he found that his Chief Advisor used the same tactic to distract any onlookers. Erestor looked impeccable in his rich, gray robes, lined with silver. His friend wore his raven hair loose, and the ends danced against the small of Erestor's back. "We will leave after welcoming them to the valley."

 

Erestor drew in a deep breath and nodded once. He hoped he could maintain this facade, which would hopefully not crack in front of everyone. The mere thought of having to face Ecthelion caused him emotional pain, but knowing Elrond was going through the same pain, encouraged him to stand by his friend's side. They would face the happy couple together and support one another throughout the evening.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Welcome to my valley, Ecthelion. Welcome to Imladris and the Last Homely House." Elrond's voice was firm and steady and only Erestor knew how much strength and courage it took Elrond to act the part. Elrond's eyes sought out the reborn Captain of the Fountain and the half-Elf inclined his head in respect. "Tonight, we will celebrate your return, my friend. Let wine and miruvor flow freely. Drink, eat, dance and sing." He clapped his hands once to officially declare the feast had started. He wanted to collapse onto his chair and it was only his discipline that kept him from showing everyone how miserable he truly felt. Surprised, he sensed Erestor's hand seeking out his beneath the table and he grabbed it, holding on tight. Erestor would give him the strength he needed.

 

Erestor squeezed tightly and Elrond straightened his shoulders, still maintaining his regal manner. "Only a few more moments and then we will excuse ourselves." He made it a point to avoid looking at Glorfindel and Ecthelion and he concentrated on Elrond instead. "Do you want me to keep you company tonight?"

 

Elrond nodded once, a bit abruptly, and then averted his eyes as well. He had been staring at Glorfindel, but seeing the blond Elf laugh and then kiss Ecthelion's cheek was too much to bear. Looking at Erestor instead, he said, "Aye, please stay with me."

 

Erestor flinched, briefly, as an old pain shot through his back. The wound had been acting up lately and the pain was growing worse. He had managed to hide it from everyone, including Elrond, whom he didn't want to burden with his pain. He would endure -- he always did.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Are they leaving already?" Ecthelion frowned, finding Elrond and Erestor walking toward the doorway. "The evening is still young." And he didn't want Erestor to leave just yet! And most certainly not with Elrond, walking that close to the half-Elf and with an arm wrapped around the Lord of Imladris.

 

"Don't you understand?" whispered Glorfindel, softly, "It pains them to look upon us and to see us happy." A moment later, he wished he hadn't confided in his lover, seeing Ecthelion's shocked and crestfallen expression.

 

"I did not think of it in that way," offered Ecthelion in a tiny voice. Lowering his eyes, he stared at the floor. The sounds around him faded and a moment of deafening silence erupted in his mind. Squirming, he closed his eyes, reaching out for a memory that would soothe him, and strangely enough that memory didn't feature Glorfindel, but Erestor. Erestor was singing softly, holding him close and stroking his hair.

 

Seeing Ecthelion lost in thought, Glorfindel respected the other Elf's privacy, and he didn't try to bring his lover back to the present. Although Ecthelion was close, he realized he longed to have Elrond close instead.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"How much longer?" How much longer did they have to struggle through all congratulations, which were being bestowed on them? The whole of Imladris seemed happy for them and rejoiced at seeing them reunited, but Ecthelion felt uncomfortable. And by looking at Glorfindel, Ecthelion realized his lover felt the same way. Something felt wrong.

 

Terribly wrong.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Neither Elrond, nor Erestor felt the need to talk once they had entered the half-Elf's quarters. They removed their formal robes until they were only clad in an undershirt and by silent agreement slipped beneath the covers, mirroring the same position they had been in last night. Elrond lay spooned behind his friend and caressed the long hair. Hair, which was raven and not golden, which made it hard to pretend that he was holding Glorfindel and not Erestor. He regretted using Erestor in this way, but also realized that the other dark-haired Elf was using him in turn. Both of them needed the comfort.

 

"They looked happy, didn't they?" Erestor's shaky voice cut through the air unexpectedly.

 

"Aye, they did. We should be happy for them." But being happy for them was hard, as Elrond wanted to hold Glorfindel in his arms -- his lover. "Do you think that seeing them in that way will become easier in time?"

 

"I honestly do not know," said Erestor, enjoying the feel of Elrond's fingers moving through his hair, but he couldn't help wishing it were Ecthelion's fingers instead. "I do not even know if I will stay in Imladris."

 

Shock washed over Elrond. "You wish to leave the valley? Our home?" This was unexpected!

 

"Ever since I left the Gray Havens the call of the Sea has grown stronger." Erestor turned in Elrond's embrace until they were face to face. "Ecthelion and I were happy there, Cirdan was right about that. I might even be reasonably happy there without Ecthelion."

 

"I do not want you to leave me alone!"

 

"You are hardly alone, my friend," said Erestor, softly, "You have your children."

 

"But... they cannot comfort me the way you can." Who was he supposed to hold at night when Erestor left him? He didn't want to fall back into the same kind of loneliness which had tormented him after his wife had sailed for the Undying Lands. "If I could, I would sail for Aman." But he was still needed here. He had seen the future and knew what part he had to play once the One Ring resurfaced.

 

Erestor tenderly brushed Elrond's face with his fingertips, offering the comfort the half-Elf needed. "My heart broke when Ereinion died and when I accepted I was in love with Ecthelion, I knew my heart would break the day he left me. My heart has been dead since Ecthelion laid eyes upon Glorfindel."

 

"Oh, Erestor..." Elrond pulled the other Elf close in a gentle embrace and soothingly rubbed the trembling back. When Erestor unexpectedly flinched beneath the touch, he grew worried and sought out the brown eyes. "Does my touch bring you pain?"

 

Erestor drew in a deep breath and resigned himself to the situation, feeling Elrond's probing fingers explore underneath the shirt.

 

Elrond located the old wound, felt the scar tissue and a slight burning sensation made his fingertips tingle. "What is this?"

 

"One of the Nazgûl attacked during my time in the Gray Havens. The wound still pains me at times."

 

"And I reckon the discomfort has been growing worse?" The healer in him demanded he checked on his friend and he rolled Erestor gently onto his stomach, pushing the shirt out of the way. "It was a deep cut," he realized, probing the skin, which still glowed a soft red. "And there is little I can do to lessen the discomfort." Pulling the shirt down again, he waited for Erestor to roll back onto his side. He studied the large, chocolate brown eyes and easily read the pain in them. "When your time comes I will let you go. You may leave for the Gray Havens whenever you want."

 

"Not yet," whispered Erestor, gratefully. Carefully, he wrapped an arm around Elrond's waist and he rested his head against the half-Elf's shoulder. "Why did I have to fall in love with him?"

 

"I do not know why," said Elrond, sighing. "I have been asking myself the same question where Glorfindel is concerned."

 

"Thank you for being a good friend," whispered Erestor, growing tired now that the burning sensation in his back intensified. Hopefully, he would find some relief of the pain in his sleep.

 

Elrond watched Erestor's eyes grow blank and he strengthened his hold on his friend. "I wish I could keep you here with me, but I cannot. You would fade otherwise and I do not want to contribute to your death." Pressing a chaste and brotherly kiss on the crown of Erestor's head, he guarded the other Elf's dream, like he had guarded Glorfindel's not so long ago.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel couldn't find rest that night. After the feast, they had retired to his rooms and Ecthelion had eagerly moved into his arms. Strangely enough, neither of them had felt the need to make love and they had simply settled down holding the other. Ecthelion's sleep was restless and Glorfindel regularly had to soothe his lover. Then, Ecthelion called out for Erestor in his sleep, and Glorfindel's heart missed a beat.

 

/Wrong. This is so wrong./ But he didn't understand why things had gone wrong so badly. He still loved Ecthelion and he knew Ecthelion loved him in turn. So what was wrong?

 

/Elrond and Erestor./ That was what was wrong. Ecthelion's heart called out for Erestor. And his own heart? It thundered each time he saw Elrond, knowing he couldn't walk up to the half-Elf to hold and kiss him. This wasn't a lover's triangle! There was four of them!

 

/What do I do?/ Glorfindel stared at Ecthelion's youthful face, realizing the face *was* different from Ecthelion's 'old' one. /We are different people. We are not the people we were in Gondolin./ He felt like balancing on the brink of a very important revelation, but the knowledge wouldn't come to him.

 

Too tired to give this matter the serious thought it deserved, he forced himself to fall asleep as well. Maybe a little rest was what he needed.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Why are Glorfindel and Ecthelion doing this?" Elladan and Elrohir had first watched their father and Erestor depart, and toward the end of the feast, Glorfindel and Ecthelion had left together. "Why can't they see that this is wrong?" Elrohir shook his head, exasperated.

 

"Maybe all they need is time," offered Elladan, rolling onto his back to join his twin in watching the starlit sky. They were restless and instead of going to their quarters they had sought out the gardens to watch the midnight moon and the sparkling stars.

 

"I hope so," replied Elrohir, "Adar needs Glorfindel."

 

"And Glorfindel needs our father. He is just too stubborn to admit that."

 

"Nay," said Elladan, feeling sad, "Glorfindel is too *blind* to see that."


	14. Chapter 14

Part 14

 

"Elrond?" Glorfindel didn't want to infringe on the half-Elf's privacy, but the Ruler of Imladris hadn't made his usual appearance at this morning's council, and neither had Erestor. He had recalled seeing them leave together and had decided to check Elrond's quarters. Glorfindel had no idea what could possibly have happened to make the two Elves miss attending the daily council, and he hoped no disaster had struck. Not receiving an answer, he soundlessly pushed the door handle down and opened the door, peeking inside. "Elrond?"

 

His breath caught, finding the two raven-haired Elves asleep in bed. Elrond had a tight hold on Erestor, who in turn had wrapped an arm around the half-Elf's waist. Once his shock wore down, anger filled his being, which was replaced with a burning jealousy in the end. Erestor was in Elrond's bed! In the half-Elf's arms! Glorfindel's eyes narrowed with anger. That was *his* place and no one else's! Certainly not Erestor's! Elrond was his!

 

This insane jealousy took him by surprise and Glorfindel quickly closed the door again, but the image he had just seen had been burned onto his retina and wouldn't disappear from his mind's eye. So Elrond had taken Erestor to his bed!

 

/But they were both dressed,/ said a tiny voice, sounding from the back of his mind, which tried to reason with him. /Nothing happened./

 

/But Erestor is in Elrond's bed! In his arms! *I* should be there! Not Erestor!/

 

/But you have Ecthelion now. Would you really begrudge Elrond a friend? Maybe even a lover when you are no longer interested in him?/

 

Glorfindel's hands turned into fists at hearing those words. /Who said I no longer have an interest in him? I still love him! Why else would I be this insanely jealous at seeing them in this way!/

 

/But you chose Ecthelion, not Elrond./

 

Glorfindel barely stopped himself from slamming his fist into the wall. /But that does not give him the right.../

 

/Right to do what? Are you entitled to your lover, Ecthelion, and Elrond is not allowed to find comfort in Erestor's arms?/

 

/Nay, it is not like that! *I* want to be in his arms!/

 

/I thought you wanted to be in Ecthelion's?/

 

Angered by a conversation that was solely taking place in his head, Glorfindel left the corridor and headed back to his quarters to be with Ecthelion.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elrond blinked. He thought he had heard the door close, but when he opened his eyes, Erestor and he were alone in the bedroom. He must have imagined it then.

 

His gaze was drawn to Erestor's pale face and he was taken aback, seeing the torment in the brown eyes. /I do not have the right to keep you here. I am strong enough to deal with losing Glorfindel, but you will wither away before my very eyes if I command you to stay. Maybe you will find some peace of mind in the Gray Havens. But won't you hurt even more there? Remembering the time you shared there with Ecthelion?/ But this wasn't his decision. It was Erestor's.

 

His right hand rested against Erestor's back and the skin still burned beneath the fabric of his undershirt. /I wish I could lessen your discomfort, but the pain will grow worse now that you are in such a depressed state./ There wasn't much he could do to improve Erestor's state -- only Ecthelion might be able to heal this hurt.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion instinctively knew something was amiss when Glorfindel stormed into the room. He had seen that look before. Allowing Glorfindel to tell him in his own time, he stretched in a cat-like manner and then sat upright in the bed. He tried to radiate calm and patience, but Erestor's image now haunted even his waking hours. Last night, his dreams had been centered around his former tutor, and not, as he would have expected, around Glorfindel.

 

Glorfindel finally stopped pacing and sat down on the bed with his back toward Ecthelion. "I do not know what to do."

 

Ecthelion sighed, and then moved onto his knees, embracing Glorfindel from behind. After resting his chin on Glorfindel's shoulder, he said, "About what?"

 

"Elrond and Erestor. They spent last night together."

 

Ecthelion's heart thundered madly. "What? How could you possibly know...?"

 

"When Elrond did not appear this morning, I decided to check on him. They were still in bed, wrapped in each other's arms." Glorfindel's blue eyes finally sought out Ecthelion's gray ones. "My feelings... I do not understand why I reacted the way I did."

 

Ecthelion moistened his lips and said, knowingly, "You felt jealous?"

 

"I still do," admitted Glorfindel before his features contorted with misery. "I do not know what to do about this. I never thought Elrond would take a lover this quickly. That he would bed Erestor..."

 

Shaking his head, Ecthelion directed his compassionate gaze at the blond. "I do not believe Elrond bedded Erestor."

 

"Why is that?" Glorfindel's eyes narrowed.

 

"Erestor and I..." Ecthelion had the grace to blush..."We never made love. He insisted we would wait. It would be out of character for him to allow Elrond to bed him. Trust me, nothing happened." But Glorfindel's news had upset him more than he wanted the blond to know. It came as no surprise that the two Elves

\-- doubtlessly old friends -- would comfort each other, but it still hurt that Erestor had to turn to Elrond for such comfort. Glorfindel had admitted he didn't know what to do and that he didn't understand why he felt the way he did. Well, he was having the same problem. Glorfindel felt jealous of Erestor and he felt jealous of Elrond for being there for Erestor. "Glorfindel?"

 

Alerted by Ecthelion's tone, Glorfindel searched his lover's gray eyes. Ecthelion sounded worried. "Aye?"

 

"Who do you love more? Elrond? Or me?" The panic-stricken expression that appeared in Glorfindel's eyes caused him to reach out and reassuringly rub the back of his lover's hand. "You can be honest with me."

 

"I know I can..." said Glorfindel, hesitantly. "It is not that... It is just... I do not know the answer to that question."

 

Ecthelion nodded once. "Then calm yourself, Glorfindel, for I feel the same way about you and Erestor."

 

Glorfindel grew quiet, leaned into the embrace and let Ecthelion hold him in the hope that his lover's presence would help him sort out his thoughts, which were filled with Elrond and the memory of seeing his love with Erestor in bed together.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

That afternoon, Ecthelion happened upon Erestor in a distant corner of Imladris' blossoming gardens. He had wanted to seek out solitude, but now that he had found Erestor, he was drawn closer. Erestor was seated on the grass and was playing the lyre, much like he had done in the Gray Havens, and memories of that carefree time returned to him. He had been happy there. They both had been.

 

Ecthelion had wanted simply to watch Erestor play and enjoy the elder Elf's ethereal beauty, but Erestor yelped in pain unexpectedly and then collapsed into a heap. Within seconds, Ecthelion covered the distance between them and knelt beside Erestor, steadying him. "Erestor? Why are you in pain, love?" Acting instinctively, he brushed the long, raven hair away from Erestor's face so he could look into his eyes, which were filled with agony. "Tell me, please!"

 

Erestor didn't know where Ecthelion had come from, but the younger Elf was suddenly beside him, supporting him. Drinking in the warrior's sight, he managed a weak smile, enduring the pain that coursed through his upper body. "The Nazgûl's blade still burns me..." he whispered, breathlessly.

 

Compassion and the desire to lessen Erestor's pain colored Ecthelion's eyes. He continued to support the elder Elf, whilst Erestor rode out the pain. Their eyes remained locked, and, overcome with passion, Ecthelion brushed Erestor's lips with his -- tenderly.

 

"Nay... You cannot..." Erestor tried to reason with Ecthelion, but the kiss deepened and robbed him of ways of protesting further. And he had wanted this for so long... Wanted to feel Ecthelion close once more... Feel the younger Elf against him... And the kiss seemed to take the sting out of the pain.

 

Now that Erestor was responding to the kiss, Ecthelion slipped one arm around the elder Elf's waist, kissing him deeply -- passionately. A distant part of him wondered why this felt so good. Why it felt even better than kissing Glorfindel. How was that possible? Registering the fact that Erestor's hand had settled against his chest in an effort to push him away, he finally released the elder Elf's passion-bruised lips. "Erestor, I..."

 

Erestor quickly silenced Ecthelion by placing a finger across the younger Elf's lips. "This can never happen again. Do you understand?" Ecthelion's passion -- need -- had made him respond, but Erestor could never give in again. "When Glorfindel finds out that you kissed me..." Erestor never got the chance to finish that sentence because Ecthelion claimed his lips once more. Strong arms lowered him onto the grass and then the younger warrior settled above him, running eager hands through the strands of his hair. "Ecthe..."

 

"You are in my blood, Erestor. You are in my dreams. Your image, your voice, your scent, they fill my waking hours. You drive me insane." Making sure none of his weight rested on Erestor, he searched the dilated pupils, finding that Erestor wanted this as well, but the elder Elf was calling upon his discipline to put a stop to this. He wouldn’t allow that. “Erestor, we need to talk.”

 

“There is nothing to discuss, Ecthelion. Now kindly let go of me.” Forcing himself to mentally distance himself, he firmly looked into the younger Elf’s eyes.

 

“Do you not love me any more?” But Ecthelion read the answer in Erestor’s widening eyes after uttering that question. No words were needed. “You still do.”

 

“Of course I do,” admitted Erestor, realizing lying wouldn’t help him. “But I let you go.”

 

“Did you? Then why do you haunt my dreams?” Only now wondering if the position Erestor was in was putting extra pressure on the elder Elf’s back, Ecthelion moved off of Erestor and gently pulled the advisor into an upright position. Studying Erestor, who was desperately trying to distract his attention by straightening his robes, Ecthelion flinched. “You do not look well.” Erestor was pale and the large, brown eyes haunted.

 

“I do not feel well,” admitted Erestor in an unguarded moment of honesty. He knew he shouldn’t say this, but Ecthelion had wanted to discuss this! “I miss you.”

 

A fist tightened around his heart at hearing that confession and Ecthelion moved closer in order to stroke Erestor’s face. “I miss you too. I miss having you close… Touching you… Kissing you.” His lips sought out Erestor’s once more, but this time the advisor pulled back in order to prevent them from making contact.

 

“Do not do this, Ecthelion. It will lead to even more heartache.” Gathering his robes closer, he tried to rise from the ground, but Ecthelion grabbed hold of his waist, stopping him.

 

Ecthelion was desperate to keep Erestor in place – close. “Glorfindel saw Elrond and you together – in bed. He thinks Elrond took you as his new lover.” The way Erestor’s eyes widened told him all he needed to know – not that he had doubted Erestor in the first place.

 

“I do not desire Elrond in that way… And Elrond only desires Glorfindel. We found comfort in each other’s arms – nothing more.”

 

“I know that,” said Ecthelion, quickly. He maintained his hold on Erestor and desperately tried to think of something else to say. “You need to take better care of yourself, Erestor. I do not like your skin’s pallor.”

 

Erestor’s features softened into a smile. “Your worry for my health flatters me, Ecthelion.”

 

“You *are* taking good care of yourself, are you not? Are you eating enough? Sleeping?”

 

Erestor slowly raised a hand and brushed the skin of Ecthelion’s face with his fingertips. “Food makes me nauseous and my dreams are filled with regrets.” Ecthelion’s eyes mirrored the younger warrior’s shock, but Erestor couldn’t lie. “I am considering leaving Imladris.”

 

“You are what?” Ecthelion stared at Erestor in shock. “Why? And where would you go?” No! He couldn’t lose Erestor!

 

“The Gray Havens… Since we left, since losing you, the Sea has been calling me. I feel like going home.”

 

“To Aman?” No! Erestor would be out of his reach then! Panic took his heart and cold sweat erupted from his pores. /You cannot leave me!/ But hadn’t he deserted Erestor first?

 

“Nay, not yet. I wish to dwell in the Gray Havens.” Erestor wanted to soothe the younger Elf, but he knew that touching Ecthelion would only worsen their predicament. So far, he had managed to hold back, but his passion for Ecthelion still burned brightly and it would be so easy to lean in and steal a kiss from the warrior’s lips.

 

“And live in our cottage?” A dreamy expression appeared in Ecthelion’s eyes as he remembered the happy times they had shared there.

 

“Maybe… Maybe not.” Erestor began to pull away from Ecthelion, who reluctantly let him go. “When I said that your presence causes me pain, I spoke the truth. Watching you and Glorfindel breaks my brittle heart, and I might have to leave Imladris to ensure it won’t shatter into tiny pieces which I can never put together again. Do you understand, my sweet?”

 

Hearing that old and precious endearment caused Ecthelion’s eyes to fill with unshed tears. “I want to go with you.”

 

“You cannot.” Erestor slowly pushed himself to his feet. “Your place is here now – at Glorfindel’s side. Not mine… No matter how much I would want that.”

 

“Erestor…” Feeling inwardly broken, Ecthelion raised his head and looked at Erestor, who now stood in front of him. “Why is this so difficult?” Cirdan had once told him to listen to his heart and to follow its whispers, but his heart was telling him to go with Erestor, whilst an older, but also authentic part of him, urged him to go Glorfindel.

 

“It does not have to be so difficult,” said Erestor, bestowing a last caress onto Ecthelion’s face. “Be happy with Glorfindel.” Erestor graced Ecthelion with one more smile and then turned to leave.

 

“Erestor!” Ecthelion called after the advisor when Erestor slowly, but determinedly, walked away from him. “Come back!” But Erestor continued walking, never looking back, and in his despair, Ecthelion clawed at the soil, burying his fingernails in the cool earth. “Come back,” he whispered, sobbing softly, “I love you.”

 

But Erestor disappeared into the Last Homely House and never returned to him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel halted in this tracks, unexpectedly finding himself face to face with a haunted-looking Erestor. He had known Erestor for millennia, but never before had he seen the advisor this distraught. “Erestor?”

 

Erestor came to an abrupt standstill and looked Glorfindel in the eye. A melancholy smile settled on his face and his eyes warmed briefly. “You will make him happy and love him forever, won’t you, Glorfindel?”

 

Glorfindel instantly knew who Erestor was referring to. “Ecthelion…”

 

Erestor raised a hand in an authoritative manner. “He loves you, Glorfindel, not me. Never doubt that.”

 

Taken aback by Erestor’s direct and unexpected manner, Glorfindel cleared his throat, trying to gain a few precious moments in which he could compose himself and find the right words. “But he loves you as well.”

 

“Not as much as he loves you.” Erestor averted his eyes and stared at the floor. “I will leave Imladris tomorrow.”

 

Glorfindel raised an eyebrow at the unexpected news. “For how long will you be gone?”

 

“I do not plan on returning,” said Erestor, softly. Moistening his lips, he pretended he hadn’t heard Glorfindel’s sharp intake of breath, which betrayed the blond’s surprise.

 

“Why?” Glorfindel took a step closer and placed a finger beneath Erestor’s chin, effectively raising the other Elf’s face so the advisor was forced to look at him. “And where are you going?” A pain, deeply rooted in Erestor’s being stared back at him from the depths of those chocolate brown eyes.

 

“My heart calls me to the Sea. I might not sail yet, but I want to be close to the Sea.”

 

“The Gray Havens.” Glorfindel nodded once and stopped Erestor when the advisor wanted to turn his face away from him. “You told me where you are going, but not why you are leaving.”

 

“Oh, Glorfindel! Can’t you guess?” Erestor’s eyes briefly flared with dark fire. “I know Ecthelion feels torn and I cannot bear to see him like that. Once I am gone his feelings for me will vanish and he will love you unconditionally. I finally realized that as long as I am here Ecthelion will never be truly free to love you. It was folly to encourage him when he declared he loved me!”

 

“Then why did you encourage him?” Glorfindel cocked his head and tenderly rubbed Erestor’s cheek. When the advisor leaned into the caress, Glorfindel released a deep, troubled sigh. “Because you love him back.”

 

“Aye, I do. I love him.” Erestor steeled himself for Glorfindel’s reaction when their eyes met again.

 

“And he loves you.” Glorfindel wondered about the depth of Erestor’s love for Ecthelion. Had he been in Erestor’s place, would he have found the strength to step back so Ecthelion could be with someone else? Did he love Ecthelion *that* much? As much as Erestor loved Ecthelion? Feeling dizzy, he slowly shook his head.

 

“But he loves you best, Glorfindel, and I will be damned if I stand in your way. Ecthelion and you belong together.” Saying those words hurt, but Erestor truly believed them to be true.

 

Glorfindel however, hovered on the brink of a revelation. /Erestor loves Ecthelion best. Were I in his place, I would not be able to step back. Erestor puts Ecthelion’s interest first./ Studying Erestor’s swimming eyes, he wondered, /Just how much do you love Ecthelion?/

 

The next question almost rocked his world. /And how much do *I* love Ecthelion? Do I love him more than I love Elrond? I would step aside if Elrond’s happiness were at stake. Oh, by Elbereth, what have I done?/

 

Erestor turned his head away, stepped back, and managed to flee the corridor, leaving Glorfindel standing there bewildered and in utter shock.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Erestor? Stop running!” Elrond had seen a flash of midnight blue robes, raven hair, and had quickly taken up pursuit. “Erestor, stop!” Running after Erestor, he caught up with his advisor and grabbed hold of a sleeve, forcing his friend to slow down. “Talk to me!”

 

“Leave me be!” Unable to control his emotions any longer, Erestor allowed them a way out, and big, fat tears dripped from his face when he finally turned to look at the half-Elf. “Let me go… Please, Elrond… Please.”

 

Elrond’s heart told him what Erestor was really asking him. “Your time has come.” Ignoring Erestor’s weak and futile attempts to move away from him, Elrond folded an arm around his friend’s shoulder. “You wish to leave for the Gray Havens.”

 

“I cannot stay, Elrond… I tried, but I cannot…” Erestor wiped away the tears that still sat on his face and allowed the half-Elf to guide him into the Lord’s study.

 

Elrond sat Erestor down and then joined him on the sofa. “Tell me what happened. What put you in this state?” Using his sleeve, he wiped away the tears Erestor had missed.

 

“Ecthelion kissed me,” whispered Erestor, lowering his eyes and staring at his hands, which now rested in his lap. “And then he kissed me again.”

 

Elrond sucked in his breath, surprised. “When did that happen?”

 

“Minutes ago. He approached me in the gardens. I tried to stop him, but… his lips tasted so good and I wanted for it to happen as well!” Erestor fought back the tears that tried to surface again. He needed to get back in control of his emotions! “He told me he loved me.”

 

Elrond shook his head – at a loss himself. “I wish I knew what to say, but I do not.”

 

Erestor smiled ruefully. “I need to leave Imladris, my friend. As long as I am here, Ecthelion will feel torn. I need to leave so they can be happy.”

 

“And will you be happy? All alone in the Gray Havens?” Wanting to soothe and comfort, Elrond rubbed Erestor’s back in large circles.

 

“I will have my memories,” whispered Erestor, raising his eyes to look at Elrond. “And Cirdan.” The shipwright would make good company on lonely evenings and would indulge him when he needed to talk about Ecthelion – to remember those three good years. And when the time came, he would sail for Aman.


	15. Chapter 15

Part 15

 

Glorfindel left a restless and disturbed Ecthelion in his quarters. The dark-haired warrior had requested time and privacy so he could properly analyze what had happened between Erestor and him earlier, and Glorfindel had granted his lover this time.

 

Ecthelion had obviously been shocked to learn that Erestor planned to leave Imladris, and Glorfindel wondered if he should have kept quiet instead, but Ecthelion deserved the whole truth.

 

Whilst Ecthelion sought enlightenment in his rooms, Glorfindel opted for action instead.

 

Arien’s first rays hesitantly warmed Arda and would gain in strength quickly. Glorfindel loved the warm sensation they caused upon his skin.

 

Glorfindel opened the door to Elrond’s quarters soundlessly. Once more, he looked upon the two dark-haired Elves resting in Elrond’s bed. Elrond was holding Erestor in his sleep, but the half-Elf himself was awake, and knowing gray eyes fastened on him. Gray eyes, but so very different from Ecthelion’s.

 

Glorfindel cleared his throat. The words wouldn’t come to him and he even shuffled his feet nervously. “Can we speak?” he whispered eventually, careful not to wake Erestor, whose red-rimmed eyes stared blankly at the ceiling.

 

Elrond berated himself for not locking the door, for not expecting Glorfindel to seek him out. “Just give me one moment.” He carefully untangled his form from Erestor’s and tucked a heavy blanket around the sleeping Elf. Fortunately, Erestor didn’t wake and Elrond cautiously left the bed. Although his robes were rumpled, he still managed to radiate calm and control. “But not here. We will go to my study.” He didn’t want Erestor waking up and accidentally overhearing their conversation.

 

Following Elrond to the study, Glorfindel’s thoughts raced. He had come here without a plan and felt as much at a loss as Elrond did.

 

Elrond closed the door behind them and gestured for Glorfindel to take a seat in front of the now cold fireplace. Joining Glorfindel, Elrond observed his friend and former lover. Glorfindel’s presence caused him to feel warm inside and the blond managed to momentarily chase away his worries. But then Elrond stopped this line of thoughts, realizing he was leaning in closer to kiss Glorfindel. Once more in control of his emotions, he leaned back into the comfort of the chair and waited for Glorfindel to address him. After all, it was the blond who had sought him out.

 

“How fares Erestor?” Glorfindel took a deep breath and then locked eyes with the half-Elf. A wave of desire washed over him and his hands gripped the arm rests tightly to make certain he stayed in place instead of pulling the half-Elf into his arms.

 

“Erestor…” Elrond’s eyes softened. “Erestor is hurting and will leave Imladris today.”

 

“If he needs an escort…” offered Glorfindel, without thinking the offer over first.

 

“Then it won’t be you,” said Elrond, firmly. He had already sent a note to Elrohir, asking his son to escort Erestor to the Gray Havens and to stay with the elder Elf as long as Elrohir felt necessary.

 

Glorfindel lowered his eyes, guiltily. “I did not do this on purpose. I never wanted for this to happen.” The moment the words left his lips, he recalled Elrond saying them a few days ago when the half-Elf had tried to tell him why Ecthelion’s rebirth had been kept from him. Growing curious, he asked, “Were you absolutely certain that I would choose Ecthelion over you?”

 

Glorfindel’s question surprised Elrond, but he answered nonetheless. “Quite certain.”

 

“Why?” Glorfindel pushed his chair a bit closer to Elrond’s.

 

“How can anyone compete with your love for Ecthelion? Your love is legendary. Erestor knew that as well.”

 

“And yet the both of you chose to risk your hearts.”

 

“What else can one do when one is in love?” Elrond shrugged his shoulders. “Though, I had hoped for Erestor’s sake that Ecthelion had chosen him over you.”

 

“Why? So you would still have me?” Glorfindel wasn’t quite certain what to make of their conversation.

 

Elrond laughed a tad bitterly. “Nay, not for my sake, but for his.” Elrond’s eyes narrowed; Glorfindel didn’t know about Erestor’s lost love. “Erestor almost lost his sanity when his lover died in the Battle of the Last Alliance. I hoped he would find a worthy love ever since. But Erestor does not fall in love easily. So when I realized he had fallen in love with Ecthelion, I knew Erestor would love deeply and unconditionally. Seeing Ecthelion choose you did not just break Erestor’s heart, but mine as well.”

 

“Erestor’s lover? Why was I never told this bit of information?” Glorfindel’s curiosity got the better of him. “Did I know him?”

 

Elrond gave Glorfindel a predatory smile. “You most certainly heard of him.” Glorfindel hadn’t been reborn yet when they had fought Sauron and his minions at Mount Orodruin. “His name was Ereinion.”

 

Glorfindel’s jaw practically hit the floor. “The High-King?”

 

“Aye. Erestor joined his household long before that fateful battle. Ereinion needed an advisor he could trust completely, and Erestor came highly recommended. It did not take them long to fall in love with each other.” Elrond’s face took on a soft and happy expression, remembering his friends’ love. “Their love was tender and unconditional. It was impossible to keep their attraction a secret. Whenever they were close to one another, love radiated from their eyes.”

 

“I would never have guessed,” said Glorfindel honestly. His head still spun with this new bit of information, but Elrond didn’t give him much time to sort out his thoughts.

 

“Ereinion, Erestor, and I fought side by side that day, but Sauron took our High-King’s life and almost Erestor’s mind as well. Erestor dropped onto the ground and screamed out his pain, for he had seen his lover being burned in front of his eyes. I managed to take him into safety and I feared for his sanity for a long time, but he recovered and once we had settled down here, he grew stronger again.”

 

Glorfindel blinked once. “I always wondered about Erestor.” As long as he could remember a sense of mystery had clung to the advisor.

 

“Those three years with Ecthelion in the Gray Havens healed his soul, but now losing Ecthelion is robbing him of his will to live. I fear for him, Glorfindel. That is why I am allowing him to return to the Gray Havens. With Elrohir and Cirdan to keep him company, I hope he will find a way to live contentedly there – though I doubt he will ever again be truly happy.”

 

“Why are you telling me this? Are you trying to convince me to let Ecthelion go so he can be with Erestor?” Glorfindel felt thoroughly confused and his thoughts spun in a hundred directions all at the same time.

 

“Nay,” replied Elrond, who now slowly rose from his chair. “I told you so you would understand why Erestor is leaving. A moment ago you said Erestor was shrouded in mystery, so I told you the truth about him.”

 

Glorfindel remained seated and watched Elrond move over to the window to take in the splendor of his valley when morning dew still sparkled on the evergreens. Bright rays of sun settled on Elrond’s face, making his skin and hair shine golden. Glorfindel’s mouth went dry and his eyes filled with moisture at seeing Elrond in Arien’s golden light. /Oh, I love him still./

 

“Aren’t you supposed to inspect the morning patrol?” asked Elrond, turning to face Glorfindel, unprepared for the expression on the blond’s face. Seeing the lost look in the azure eyes, Elrond instinctively moved closer until he could run a hand tenderly down Glorfindel’s tangled hair. It was rather obvious the blond had had a restless night. “Elladan can go in your place,” he offered.

 

“Nay, I can still carry out my duties,” said Glorfindel. He didn’t know what madness took possession of him when he tenderly took Elrond’s hand in his and pressed a kiss onto the palm. Time stopped and they looked into each other’s eyes deeply, reading the love in them. In the end, it was Elrond who broke the spell and pulled his hand away from Glorfindel’s hold. “You should leave now, my friend. I need to look after Erestor. I do not want him to be alone.”

 

Glorfindel felt like screaming! His emotions made no sense at all! He was supposed to love Ecthelion unconditionally, unquestioningly, but his heart ached for Elrond instead. “One more question… Please,” he said, begging.

 

“Ask your question.” His guard was down and Elrond felt lost, staring into those azure eyes that held the world for him.

 

“Analyze this situation for me.”

 

Elrond raised an eyebrow. “What?”

 

“What do you see when you look at this tangled web? Why does being with Ecthelion feel wrong to me? Why do I still want to be with you? Why does Ecthelion cry out for Erestor at night instead of for me?”

 

Elrond’s brow furrowed. “Why are you asking *me* when your heart already knows the answers to those questions?”

 

“Do you know the answers? Do you?” Glorfindel had gotten to his feet and his gaze became feverish when he looked into Elrond’s gray – knowing – eyes. “Tell me.”

 

"Are you ready to hear my point of view, then?" Elrond wasn't so certain that Glorfindel was.

 

“Tell me,” said Glorfindel in a more determined voice this time. “I am ready.”

 

But Elrond determinedly shook his head. "First, you need to search your own feelings."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Erestor?” Elrohir had entered his father’s rooms and found Erestor sitting upright in bed with a dazed expression on his face. He sat down on the side of the bed and waited for Erestor to acknowledge him.

 

“Elrohir?” Frowning, Erestor looked at the younger Elf. “Where is Elrond?”

 

“I do not know,” said Elrohir, honestly, “But I do know that I am to escort you to the Gray Havens.” He had feared that this day would come. “Are you certain you wish to leave fair Imladris?”

 

“I am certain,” said Erestor, pushing the heavy blanket away from him. Rising from the bed, he realized where he was and that he was still fully dressed. Ah, yes, he had cried himself to sleep in Elrond’s arms. “And I want to leave now.”

 

“Do you not have to pack first?” Elrohir was more than ready to undertake this journey, but Erestor appeared fragile at best.

 

Erestor shook his head. “Most of my belongings are still in the Gray Havens. We merely need to collect some food from the kitchens.” He knew he was fleeing but didn’t care. He simply couldn’t face Ecthelion or Glorfindel anymore. “I want to leave *now*.”

 

“Change your clothing into something more suitable for a long ride,” said Elrohir, pointing at the heavy robes Erestor was wearing. “And I will take care of our food supplies. I will meet you in the stables in half an hour. Is that fast enough for you?”

 

Erestor nodded absentmindedly. /Please, Elbereth, do not let me come across Ecthelion or Glorfindel in the meantime./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel softly knocked on Ecthelion’s door. It was the first time since their reunion that Ecthelion had preferred to dwell in his private chambers instead of sharing his. “May I enter?” A loud sigh, coming from inside the room, reached his ear.

 

“Aye, Glorfindel.” Ecthelion dragged himself from his bed and opened the door.

 

Glorfindel gasped at the sorry sight the other warrior presented. Ecthelion’s raven hair was a tangled mess, his eyes big and watery, and his lips dry and cracked. “By the Valar!” He quickly closed the door behind him and embraced Ecthelion.

 

Ecthelion allowed the embrace, even leaned into it briefly, but then determinedly pulled away again and returned to his bed, where he sat down.

 

Glorfindel followed and sat down beside Ecthelion, collecting the other Elf’s hands in his. “What troubles you?”

 

“I have been thinking, Glorfindel.” Ecthelion raised pleading eyes to look at the blond warrior. “Maybe I love Erestor best.”

 

The silence that followed hung heavy in the room. Glorfindel moistened his lips and nodded once. “And maybe I love Elrond best.”

 

Ecthelion stared at the blond with wide eyes. “What?” He hadn’t expected that particular answer. “How can that be?” Glorfindel didn’t seem in the least surprised or cross with him. The blond had an accepting look on his face and a weak smile graced his features.

 

“I talked to Elrond just now,” revealed Glorfindel, “And I reached the conclusion that we might have made a mistake.”

 

Ecthelion – utterly confused and dazed – fell back onto the bed and then managed to push himself closer to the headboard, resting his back against it. “Explain yourself.” Was it possible that Glorfindel had reached the same conclusion he had?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I want to come with you!” Elladan was *not* pleased! “Why would our father ask you to escort Erestor to the Gray Havens and not me as well?” They were seldom apart and Elladan wasn’t looking forward to spending the next months alone. “I *will* come with you!”

 

Elrohir smiled warmly and gathered one of his twin’s hands in his. “You know how father feels about the two of us leaving Imladris. He wants one of us here.” Since losing Celebrían, Elrond was extremely protective of them. “Trust me, his request surprised me as well. I did not think he would choose me to accompany Erestor.”

 

Elladan still pouted, but nodded once, resigned. “You will tell me everything about the Gray Havens when you are back?” He had never seen the Gray Havens and hoped Elrohir would indulge him.

 

“I might even bring you a gift,” said Elrohir, ruffling his twin’s hair until tangles formed.

 

“Stop doing that,” said Elladan, chiding his twin and trying to straighten out his hair again. “Just hurry back to Imladris when you can.”

 

Elrohir gave his twin an adoring smile. “You will miss me, won’t you?”

 

“Of course I will!” Elladan sounded indignant. “I know Erestor needs someone close, but…”

 

“Loot at it in this way,” said Elrohir in a conspiring tone, “Glorfindel is still in Imladris. Maybe you can… nudge him in the right direction? Toward father?”

 

Elladan nodded firmly. “And maybe Ecthelion will miss Erestor?”

 

“Oh, wouldn’t that be romantic?” Elrohir giggled, giddily. “If Ecthelion followed Erestor to the Gray Havens to declare his love?”

 

“It won’t happen,” said Elladan, sobering and sighing deeply. “They are too blind to see that what they had in Gondolin is different from what they have now.”

 

Elrohir caressed his twin’s face. “You are wiser than father gives you credit for.”

 

“I am serious!” Elladan lifted draped eyes to look at his brother. “Glorfindel and Ecthelion were dedicated lovers once, but they aren’t the same people they were in Gondolin. Glorfindel lost his heart to our father but is still desperately trying to recapture their time in Gondolin. This is wrong.”

 

“Maybe you should tell him that?”

 

“I doubt he will listen, Elrohir.” Elladan buried his twin in a firm hug and he then pressed a kiss on his brother’s cheek. “Please be safe.”

 

Elrohir smiled, drawing out the embrace a little longer. He didn’t want to leave Imladris, and most certainly not his twin, but Erestor needed him as well. “I will return to you… I always do.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When Elrohir came upon Erestor next, the advisor had dressed in traveling clothes. Erestor wore a comfortable brown shirt, black leggings and riding boots. After mounting Vorndir, Erestor draped a riding cloak over his shoulder and waited impatiently for Elrohir to join him.

 

“No second thoughts?” asked Elrohir, now mounting his own mare.

 

“Nay, no second thoughts,” replied Erestor in a heavy voice. He cast one last look over his shoulder at the section where Ecthelion’s quarters were located and then told Vorndir to take to the road. The stallion obeyed and slowly took his rider away from the Last Homely House.

 

Elrohir followed with a heavy heart, having spotted Elladan in the courtyard. His twin raised a hand in goodbye and Elrohir answered. /We will meet again shortly, my brother, I promise./ An echo of Elladan’s thoughts came to him and accompanied him for the first few miles, but then faded, leaving him feeling alone and isolated.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Explain this to me,” repeated Glorfindel when Ecthelion appeared lost in thought.

 

Ecthelion drew in a deep breath and then jumped into the deep. “I spent last night comparing my feelings for you with the ones I have for Erestor.”

 

“Continue,” said Glorfindel, sensing how hard this was on the other warrior.

 

“I love you still, Glorfindel,” said Ecthelion, softly, “But my feelings for you have changed.” Unable to remain seated any longer, Ecthelion jumped to his feet and began to pace. Gesturing wildly with his arms, he continued. “I am not the same Elf I was when we lived and loved in Gondolin. I have experienced so many things during these fifty years, and they have changed me. I still love you… I still love my music – the harp and the flute – but everything has changed. I do not love you in the same manner that I loved you in my first lifetime. Somehow Erestor managed to claim that place in my heart.” Ecthelion, panicking slightly, turned and looked Glorfindel in the eye. “Do you understand what I am trying to say?”

 

“I think I do,” said Glorfindel, sighing. “When I asked Elrond to tell me his point of view in this matter he asked me if I was ready to hear it. I am still not certain that I am, but I have to face the truth – just like you are doing now.”

 

“And what is that truth?” Ecthelion knelt in front of Glorfindel, gathered the blond’s trembling hands in his and locked eyes with him.

 

“The truth is that I love Elrond best,” admitted Glorfindel in a choked tone. “I do not know when or how that happened, but it did.” After pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts, he continued, “Elrond asked me who I would have chosen to be with had I known about your rebirth. I instantly thought it would be you, but…” Glorfindel’s features contorted briefly, “You are right. We are not the same Elves we were in Gondolin. We experienced different things, which shaped us further. Our love belongs to the past, and whilst you were in the Gray Havens I realized my love for Elrond.”

 

Ecthelion nodded, encouragingly. This was going far better than he had dared to hope.

 

“I feel the same passion, desire and need for Elrond which I used to feel for you.” Glorfindel blushed, weakly. “When we made love – when you had just arrived in Imladris – I thought I still desired you in that way. Now I know better. The act was born out of desperation, relief and gratitude. You had returned to me! But… I desire Elrond in that way – not you.” He quickly averted his eyes, hoping he hadn’t hurt Ecthelion’s feelings.

 

“Oh, Glorfindel, I feel the same way! I dream of Erestor’s dark eyes, not of your azure ones. I want to hold him and kiss him, not you.” Ecthelion swallowed hard. “You will always be a part of me, but…”

 

“We shall be brothers in arms and best friends instead of lovers,” said Glorfindel with audible relief in his voice. “Oh, we made such a big mistake in assuming that we could go back to loving one another the way we did in Gondolin!”

 

“And we hurt others,” said Ecthelion, depressed. “I have hurt Erestor and you…”

 

“I will try to win Elrond’s heart back,” said Glorfindel, determined. “I *will* woo him again and win his love back.” In a tiny voice, he added, “I do believe he still loves me.”

 

“Glorfindel, I am certain he still loves you.” Relieved that their talk had gone so well, he hugged Glorfindel close, feeling almost giddy now that this gigantic burden had been removed from his shoulders. “And I will propose to Erestor.”

 

Glorfindel’s eyes widened. “Propose to him?”

 

“I am already late,” said Ecthelion ruefully, “I promised to bond with him on the day of my majority. But he had already told me about you and a part of me insisted I take you for my lover again. I was so blind!”

 

Glorfindel lovingly stroked Ecthelion’s long hair. “Best friends, then?”

 

“Aye,” replied Ecthelion, smiling brilliantly at his old friend. “We will always be bound together by ties from our past, but we no longer live in that past. We live in the present and our future does not lie with each other. You love Elrond, and I Erestor.”

 

Glorfindel swallowed hard. “Ecthelion, I need to talk to Elrond. Now that I know how you feel about us, I…”

 

“Go to him, my friend,” replied Ecthelion, rising from the floor. “I won’t keep you back, because I need to seek out Erestor and make amends to him. I have wronged him.”

 

Excitedly, Ecthelion and Glorfindel raced toward the doorway. Finally, everything made sense.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“What are you saying?” Ecthelion stared at Elladan in shock. “I must have misheard.” He had been searching for Erestor, but the advisor proved elusive. In the end, he had asked Elladan, who he came upon in the kitchen.

 

“Erestor is on his way to the Gray Havens. He left this morning. Elrohir accompanies him to make certain he arrives there unharmed.” Elladan sensed the other Elf’s fear and tried to soothe him. “Elrohir will keep Erestor safe. Do not worry for their safety.”

 

“But…” Ecthelion stared at the floor. “Why? Why would he leave?”

 

“He did not want you to have to choose between Glorfindel and him.” Elladan smiled compassionately. “Erestor thought you wanted to be with Glorfindel, but he was wrong, wasn’t he?”

 

Ecthelion nodded and then locked gazes with Elladan. “I want to be with Erestor. Glorfindel and I talked.”

 

Elladan’s smile brightened. “I assume Glorfindel is on his way to my father then?”

 

“Aye, he is.” But Elrond was the last thing on Ecthelion’s mind. “I have to find Erestor!” Ignoring Elladan, who promptly followed him when he marched toward the stables, Ecthelion’s mind was solely set on reaching Erestor as quickly as possible. “They only have a few hours’ head start on me.”

 

Elladan watched Ecthelion – bemused – when the reborn warrior tried to make up his mind. The next moment, Elladan disappeared inside the stable and then returned with Rohaer. “You are wasting precious time.”

 

Ecthelion nodded, thankfully, and mounted his horse. “Will you tell Glorfindel that I left?”

 

“I will.” Elladan smiled when Ecthelion took up pursuit. Hopefully Ecthelion would reach Erestor before arriving in the Gray Havens. That way, Elrohir would return to him faster.


	16. Chapter 16

Part 16

 

Elrohir followed Erestor’s instructions and turned left instead of right, as he had intended to. Apparently this was a short cut, shown by Mithrandir to Erestor, and who was he to question his former tutor? According to Erestor, traveling this way would cut their journey short by two days.

 

Leaving Imladris had hurt Erestor, but leaving Ecthelion was causing the elder Elf even more pain. Elrohir had tried discussing Ecthelion with Erestor when they had rested last night, but the elder Elf had blocked his every attempt. Erestor was determined not to discuss this matter.

 

“I have never been to the Gray Havens before,” said Elrohir, trying to make conversation. The silence between them was making him uncomfortable.

 

“You will like it there,” replied Erestor in a soft voice. “It is completely different from Imladris, but the Gray Havens are beautiful and peaceful in their own way.” Erestor dreamily stared into the distance. “I wish we were there already.” But the journey there would take them another four days. “And you will like Cirdan as well.”

 

“Cirdan.” The bearded Elf was a living legend among his kind. “Do you think I will get to meet him?”

 

“I would not be surprised to find him in the cottage, ready to welcome us.” Cirdan had always been well-informed, and doubtless word of his impending arrival had already reached the guardian of the Gray Havens. “You may stay as long as you want, Elrohir, but do not stay on my account. I will be fine.”

 

/Somehow I doubt that,/ thought Elrohir, frowning deeply. “I would like to explore the Gray Havens, and I will return to Imladris in time.”

 

Erestor sighed, hearing the underlying message; Elrohir would stay as long as the half-Elf deemed it necessary. “And what about Elladan? Won’t you miss him?”

 

“I already do,” admitted Elrohir readily. “But there will other occasions when we will be apart. We have to get used to being separated.”

 

After that, Erestor grew silent, and Elrohir respected the fact that the elder Elf no longer wished to talk to him. They continued their journey in silence.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel stepped onto the balcony in search of the elusive Lord of Imladris. He had been searching for him all day long, but Elrond had been caught up in meetings and negotiations, and only now that the evening had fallen had he managed to get close to the half-Elf. Had Elrond already noticed him? It certainly didn’t look like it.

 

In the midst of a pile of comfortable pillows, Elrond sat, reclining, so he could look at the starlit sky and Ithil’s round form. It was a full moon tonight and the silver rays illuminated most of Imladris.

 

A lump of emotions formed in Glorfindel’s throat as he recalled all the times they had made love out here. This had been Elrond’s favorite spot. “Elrond?”

 

Elrond’s eyes, which had been closed momentarily, opened to look upon the golden-haired Elf who stood in front of him. With slumped shoulders and a guilty look in his eyes, noted the half-Elf. Had realization finally set in, then? Although his heart missed a beat at seeing Glorfindel this lost, he forced himself to wait for Glorfindel to address him.

 

“Am I disturbing you? I could come back later, but…” Glorfindel lowered his eyes guiltily. “But I would like to talk to you now.”

 

“Your presence never disturbs me,” said Elrond, wishing he could pull his former lover on top of him so they could make love. But he steeled himself and tightly controlled his emotions. “Why don’t you seat yourself? There is no need for you to stand.”

 

Glorfindel sat down cross-legged, still at a respectful distance from Elrond. His eyes sought out the half-Elf’s, and the expression in those gray eyes caused shivers to course through him. “I finally realized the truth.”

 

“And what is that truth, then?” asked Elrond, sitting up a tad straighter so he could more easily probe Glorfindel’s gaze. The blond seemed shy, even frightened.

 

“The truth is that Ecthelion and I tried to re-create what we had in Gondolin, but we forgot that certain events have changed us. We are different people now.”

 

Elrond nodded once. “You gained wisdom overnight, Glorfindel.”

 

Glorfindel blushed weakly and felt encouraged by the softened expression in Elrond’s gray eyes. “Ecthelion realized that he loved Erestor best, and he is now on his way to the Gray Havens to propose to our advisor.” Glorfindel wasn’t prepared for the radiant smile that spread across Elrond’s features. The half-Elf was obviously delighted to hear this.

 

“I am glad Ecthelion reached this decision. Erestor and he deserve happiness.” Elrond leaned in closer until their faces were only inches apart. “And where does that leave you?”

 

“That leaves me at your feet, humbly begging for your forgiveness,” choked out Glorfindel in a strangled tone. “I still love you. I never stopped loving you, and I always loved you best, though it took me a while to realize that.” Now that he was unburdening his soul, he found he couldn’t stop. “I realize I hurt you, and I apologize for being so blind.” Suddenly his mouth went dry. He wanted to ask Elrond to take him back, but did he still have the right to do so?

 

Elrond read all that and more in Glorfindel’s watering eyes. “I never stopped loving you either, Glorfindel.”

 

Glorfindel’s heart jumped with joy. “Does that mean I still have a chance to win back your love?”

 

“You never lost it,” said Elrond tenderly. “It always was yours, and it still is. You only have to reach out and take it. But I beg of you, never break my heart again.”

 

“I won’t,” whispered Glorfindel, breathlessly. Elrond was willing to forgive him and to take him back! “I was so scared of what your reaction would be. When Ecthelion arrived I only had eyes for him, and I stopped listening to my heart, which told me to go back to you.”

 

Elrond raised his right hand and placed it against Glorfindel’s left cheek, rubbing the soft facial skin. “Bind yourself to me?”

 

Glorfindel’s breathing paused and, wide-eyed, he stared at the half-Elf. “Are you certain? I mean, it is my greatest desire to enter such a bond, but… I hurt you so much! Are you really, really sure that you still want me? That you can still trust me?” Elrond’s answer consisted of a tender kiss, which made Glorfindel sway. “Oh…”

 

“Does that answer your question?” asked Elrond in a mischievous tone.

 

“It does…” Glorfindel looked deeply into Elrond’s eyes, reading true love there. “I bind myself to you, then, and please… Please, make love to me! Take me and make me yours!”

 

Elrond smiled sweetly. “I bind myself to you, Glorfindel…” He paused dramatically and then grinned wickedly. “Oh, I will take you… I will possess you and you will never – ever – leave me again!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elrohir was roasting the two rabbits they had caught above a small fire. Erestor sat opposite him, his face hidden within the confines of his hood. The elder Elf had not spoken since that afternoon, and Elrohir’s worries increased the farther away they got from Imladris. If it had been up to him, he would have turned around to take Erestor back to the Last Homely House. There had to be a way to make Ecthelion see that Erestor was the best partner for him and not Glorfindel!

 

The frown, deeply etched onto Elrohir’s forehead, warned Erestor that the half-Elf was brooding. “Elrohir? I am well. Do not worry about me.”

 

“How can I not worry about you?” asked Elrohir in an explosive tone. His eyes changed from gray to slightly silver and he glared at Erestor. “I am trying my best to reach out to you and what do you do? You shut me out!”

 

“I never intended to,” replied Erestor, honestly. Pushing down the hood, he revealed his face to Elrohir. “I just do not want you to worry about me.”

 

“Oh, Erestor…” Elrohir sighed deeply, seeing the red-rimmed eyes. Erestor had been crying and he hadn’t even noticed! “There has to be something I can do make you feel better!”

 

Erestor gave Elrohir a melancholy look. There was only person who could heal his aching heart, and that wasn’t Elrohir.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I am sorry, Rohaer,” Ecthelion said in a guilty voice. He had pushed the horse to the limit in his desire to catch up with Erestor, and, feeling guilty for that, he had set camp for the night, giving the stallion a chance to rebuild his strength and stamina.

 

Rohaer pushed his nose against Ecthelion’s back, telling him he understood. But he *was* grateful for the rest.

 

Ecthelion had built a small fire and now stared into the flames, remembering all the times Erestor and he had sat like this. /What do I say when I meet him again? Do I apologize? Ask him for forgiveness? Or should I just kiss him and make love to him?/ Much depended on Erestor’s first reaction when seeing him. Idly playing with a stand of his hair, he wondered *how* to propose to Erestor. Should he go down on one knee? Or both? What words to say?

 

/And what will his answer be? Aye or nay? I have hurt him so much that being rejected would not come as a surprise. I saw the pain I caused him and yet I looked the other way, obsessed as I was by being reunited with Glorfindel./ His eyes grew big and his breath came in gasps. “By Elbereth, what if he rejects me? Then what?” Until now, that thought hadn’t occurred him, but he realized that it was a very real possibility. “Nay, he *will* accept me. He loves me.” But he had hurt him!

 

Curling up beneath his riding cloak, he watched the fire dance until the flames died. Doubt ate away at his dreams, which were restless and filled with bad omens.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Uh, Ada?” Elladan abruptly stopped in his tracks and remained standing in the doorway. He had found his father all right, but Elrond wasn’t alone in bed. Resting in front of Elrond was Glorfindel, the elder half-Elf’s arms tightly wrapped around him. And both were naked.

 

Elladan blushed, never having intended to catch his father and Captain after the act. Curiosity, however, got the better of him, and he studied the blond warrior, easily discovering the passion marks that now ‘adorned’ his throat. His father hadn’t wasted any time reclaiming what had been his before.

 

Glorfindel looked utterly debauched. His blond hair had turned into tangles, the normally soft lips looked bruised, and several small bite marks were to be found on the warrior’s upper body. Elladan was grateful that a sheet covered the lower halves of their bodies – that would have been a bit too much information!

 

A gentle smile surfaced on his face. Everything had worked out then. Ecthelion was on his way to the Gray Havens, Elrohir would return to him shortly, and his father and Glorfindel had made up. /Made up big time!/ Elladan chuckled, softly, and turned to leave. He was happy for his father *and* for Glorfindel, but mostly for his father.

 

Closing the door behind him, he grinned. He couldn’t wait to tell Elrohir that he had caught their father and Glorfindel in bed!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“The Gray Havens,” announced Erestor, officially, when they stood on a slope overlooking the harbor. “Home – finally.” Those words he added softly.

 

Elrohir flinched. /Home? Home should be Imladris, not the Gray Havens!/ Observing Erestor, he wondered if the elder Elf would ever return to Imladris.

 

A blissful expression shone from the brown eyes and a deep sigh left Erestor’s lips when those dark eyes focused on the cottage he had shared with Ecthelion. Erestor’s eyes made out a form standing in front of said cottage and he smiled. “You are about to meet Cirdan, my friend.”

 

Elrohir’s curiosity was piqued once more. “Are you saying…?” Following the direction of Erestor’s stare, he also made out the bearded form. “Is that Cirdan?” Of course it was! Elrohir berated himself for asking such a question! But he felt overwhelmed by the experience.

 

Erestor ignored Elrohir’s question and gestured for the half-Elf to follow him. Aye, this felt like coming home. There was just one thing missing; Ecthelion.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Cirdan opened his arms and then caught Erestor tightly in them. “I heard you were on your way here and thought I should welcome you.” He hugged his friend close, inwardly cringing at the sorry sight Erestor presented. Little was left of the happy Elf he had come to know three years ago. Erestor’s normally silken raven hair had turned dull and so had his eyes. Fatigue and resignation shone from Erestor’s face and the other Elf’s movements were shaky and hesitant at best. “You are always welcome in my house – you know that, do you not? You do not have to stay *here*.” Here, in the cottage which Erestor had shared with Ecthelion once.

 

“Thank you for your kind offer, Cirdan,” said Erestor in a tense voice. He was trying to relax, but being here brought back intimate memories. “But I would like to stay here instead.” No matter how much those memories hurt, they were good memories – warm and fond memories.

 

“Maybe you will change your mind one day,” said Cirdan, releasing Erestor. His gaze now shifted to the Elf accompanying Erestor. “You seem familiar somehow.”

 

“I am Elrohir Peredhel, Elrond’s son.” Elrohir bowed respectfully. Cirdan seemed more approachable than he had thought. He had expected the fabled Elf to act in a more formal matter.

 

Cirdan smiled and then bestowed a loose hug on his unexpected guest. “Aye, I understand now. You remind me of your father.” His brow furrowed momentarily. “I am not certain that I remember correctly, but don’t you have a brother? A twin?”

 

“Aye, and his name is Elladan, but he did not accompany us. Our father does not like it when we both leave Imladris. He prefers for one of us to stay at home.”

 

“You are most welcome as well,” said Cirdan, ending the hug and stepping away from the half-Elf. “I reckon you wish to stay with Erestor? Although my home is always available to you.”

 

“I would prefer to stay with Erestor, aye,” said Elrohir, deciding he liked what he had seen of the Gray Havens and her guardian so far.

 

“I did not have any time yet to pack your belongings, Erestor, and to send them to Imladris. So, everything inside the house is just as you left it.” Cirdan wondered if being here wouldn’t cause Erestor even more pain – surrounded by memories of what he couldn’t have again.

 

“I am sure Elrohir and I will manage,” replied Erestor in a grateful tone. “Will you stay for dinner, Cirdan?”

 

Cirdan nodded once. “I expected you to invite me so I took the liberty of starting dinner already.”

 

Elrohir watched with interest as Cirdan folded an arm around Erestor’s shoulder to guide the raven-haired Elf inside. /He knows. Cirdan knows how much Erestor is hurting./ Which was good, because now Erestor had two good friends to look after him and to keep him from drowning in sorrow.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel moaned, pitifully, in a selfish attempt to draw Elrond’s attention. Last night, the half-Elf had released all of his passion upon him and the encounter had left him sore.

 

Elrond raised an eyebrow at hearing Glorfindel yelp – louder this time. Smiling, he walked back to the bed and sat down beside his lover, who was doing his best to look like a poor, abused victim. “Sore?”

 

“Aye.” Glorfindel turned onto his side so he could lock gazes with the half-Elf. “I never experienced you so… passionately before.” Elrond had stated his claim and Glorfindel had more than enjoyed himself, but now his lower body hurt.

 

“I wanted to make it very clear that you are mine now,” said Elrond, wickedly. “I am the only one who gets to do this to you.”

 

“Of course you are,” whispered Glorfindel, feeling breathless.

 

“I will prepare a hot bath for you,” started Elrond, “And I will also add some healing herbs, which should lessen your discomfort.” His eyes darkened briefly. “I should have prepared you better, but I needed you so badly!”

 

“You did not hurt me. I would never allow that,” replied Glorfindel, quick to soothe Elrond, who began to look distressed. “But the next time we make love *you* will be on the receiving end, my dear Elrond.”

 

“Oh, do you already have something in mind for our next time, then?” Elrond’s grin became curious. “Care to share this precious information with me?”

 

“Not yet,” decided Glorfindel. “I want to bathe first.”

 

“And then?”

 

“Then I will take *you*, Elrond… And I promise to leave you just as sore as you left me.”

 

Elrond chuckled; happy that they had been able to sort everything out. They were happy again. /I just hope Ecthelion will make Erestor happy as well./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

/What if his answer is no? What if he denies me?/ Ecthelion’s thoughts raced in circles, and his worries were driving him out of his mind. /What if he does not want to talk to me? What if he no longer trusts me? What if he is not prepared to listen to me?/ Oh, by the Grace of the Valar, what was he supposed to do?

 

/It is my fault… But I only now know that I desire Erestor and not Glorfindel because I was with Glorfindel for a short while! How else could I have gained this insight?/ But would Erestor accept that for an explanation?

 

/Two more days…/ Two more days and he would finally look upon Erestor once more, and then it would be all up to him to convince the elder Elf to give him a second chance. He still recalled how difficult it had been to convince Erestor to give him that first chance. /I cannot fail. I must succeed./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The evening turned out more sociable and pleasurable than Elrohir had dared to hope and Cirdan’s presence had a lot to do with it. Whenever Erestor’s mood darkened, the shipwright would find a way to engage the advisor in their conversation again. Elrohir realized that Cirdan and Erestor’s friendship went deeper than he had originally thought.

 

Seeing Elrohir lost in thought made Erestor feel melancholy. The young half-Elf should be in Imladris and not in the Gray Havens minding him. But he also knew that Elrohir would protest being sent away. Leaning back into the comfort of his chair, his attention was drawn to his flute – the flute Ecthelion had played on because the reborn Elf hadn’t possessed one of his own.

 

The cottage was pregnant with memories, and Erestor had blinked his eyes once or twice, mistaking Elrohir’s raven hair for Ecthelion’s. He had to be careful, he realized, not to set up a trap for himself. Elrohir wasn’t Ecthelion!

 

“You are quiet tonight,” remarked Cirdan, once more trying to pull Erestor from his brooding.

 

“I do not have much to say, except for the fact that I am glad to be back here.” Erestor smiled, trying to reassure them. “Aye, there are memories here, but they do not cause me pain.”

 

Elrohir and Cirdan exchanged a look. Both realized Ecthelion needed to be addressed. They couldn’t simply pretend this wasn’t happening. In the end, Cirdan took the plunge into the deep and asked, “Letting Ecthelion go was not as easy as you had thought?”

 

Erestor startled, but then calmed again. “I thought it would be easier, aye. Seeing him together with Glorfindel was what hurt me most. When I decided to let him go, I had not thought of seeing them together… seeing them touch and kiss. But now I no longer have to.”

 

Elrohir moistened his lips. “Erestor, what kind of impact will your departure have on Ecthelion?”

 

Surprised to hear Elrohir voice this question, Erestor looked at the younger half-Elf. “I expect him to finally feel happy. Truly happy. No divided loyalty or love any more.”

 

Erestor’s answer saddened Cirdan. /Mithrandir, you once told me to trust in you and your foresight. You promised me everything would turn out the way it was supposed to. But why must Erestor pay this price? It is much too high./ But Mithrandir wasn’t close and couldn’t answer him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Sleep well,” said Elrohir, seated on the side of Erestor’s bed. Whilst Erestor had made himself comfortable in his old room, Elrohir had been assigned Ecthelion’s. Needless to say, he wasn’t thrilled about that arrangement and recalled that the couch in the living area had been comfortable as well. Maybe he would sleep there. If he could sleep, that was. He missed Elladan terribly. “I hope you will have nice dreams.”

 

Erestor smiled and stroked the back of Elrohir’s hand. “I am blessed with a friend like you.”

 

Elrohir blushed. “It is an honor to be there for you.” Slowly, he rose from the bed. “I will make breakfast in the morning. Sleep as long as you wish.”

 

“Thank you… again.” Erestor’s eyes slowly grew vacant.

 

/I wish I could do more to lessen your pain, Erestor, but I cannot./ Saddened, Elrohir closed the door behind him and left Erestor to his dreams.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ecthelion’s jaw set in determination now that the distance between Erestor and he was decreasing. Tomorrow, he would reach the Gray Havens, and then Erestor and he would talk. And he wouldn’t accept a ‘no’ for an answer when proposing!


	17. Chapter 17

Part 17

 

 

Loud banging on the front door caused Cirdan to jump to his feet. Elrohir shot him a concerned look and Cirdan’s eyes narrowed. “I will answer it.” Thinking logically, he could only come up with one person who would be banging on their door like that. /Ecthelion found his way home./

 

“Open this door! Let me in! I will break down the door if you do not!” Ecthelion – frustrated and desperate – slammed his fist on the door once more. “Open up now!” Knowing that Erestor was this close and still unaware of his presence only fed his impatience.

 

Cirdan acted quickly and opened the door, but he remained standing in the doorway, preventing Ecthelion from storming inside. First, he wanted the other Elf to calm down.

 

Displeased at finding Cirdan blocking his path, Ecthelion glared at the shipwright. “Let me pass! I need to find Erestor! Where is he?” He wanted to push Cirdan out of the way, but the bearded Elf stood his ground. “Let me pass,” demanded Ecthelion, impatiently. “No one will keep me away from him!”

 

“It is not my intention to keep you away from Erestor,” said Cirdan, making certain that Ecthelion couldn’t sneak past him. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and made himself as broad as possible. “But I do want you to calm down first. You are in no state to talk to Erestor.”

 

“I do not care!” Ecthelion’s glare gained a deadly edge. “I will not let you stop me. Step aside or be moved.”

 

Cirdan caught Ecthelion’s gaze and kept it prisoner, forcing the younger Elf to concentrate on him. “Calm down, Ecthelion and I will let you talk to Erestor. You do not want to upset him any further, do you?”

 

Ecthelion’s eyes filled with worry instantly. “He is upset?”

 

“What do you think?” Cirdan cocked his head. “Does he not have every reason to be upset with you?”

 

Cirdan’s words had their desired effect and Ecthelion began to calm down. It wasn’t long before he was nervously shuffling his feet. Staring at the floor, he felt shy all of a sudden. “Because of me? Is he upset because of me?”

 

“What do you think?” Cirdan repeated his question. “Of course he is.” Compassion appeared in Cirdan’s eyes. “Are you finally listening to the voice of your heart, Ecthelion? And do you understand what it is telling you?”

 

“I do,” whispered Ecthelion, softly. “That is why I am here. To make amends, to apologize and to propose to him.”

 

“And what about Glorfindel?” Cirdan relaxed his stance now that Ecthelion’s demeanor had changed. 

 

“I do not desire him in that way any more. Aye, I thought I did, but I crave Erestor instead.” Respect shone from Ecthelion’s eyes when he looked at Cirdan next. “I am calm now. Calm enough to talk to Erestor.”

 

Cirdan nodded once. “He just took a bath and should be in his bedroom.” Cirdan rested a hand on Ecthelion’s shoulder and squeezed softly. “Be gentle with him. Erestor’s heart is still broken and requires time to heal.”

 

“I will be gentle,” promised Ecthelion, “I will never hurt him again.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elrohir blinked once. Was that really Ecthelion running up the stairs? It was a miracle that the warrior wasn’t tripping over his own two feet, considering the speed he was moving with. Ecthelion arrived on the landing and then dived into Erestor’s bedroom, disappearing from his view. Elrohir had been so lost in thought that he only noticed Cirdan coming to stand behind him when the bearded Elf placed a hand on his shoulder. “What was that about? What is Ecthelion doing here?”

 

“He finally realized he loves Erestor and not Glorfindel.” Taking an educated guess at seeing Elrohir’s pleased expression, Cirdan added, “I reckon that was the reaction you were hoping for?”

 

“Aye, Elladan and I did hope this would happen.” Elrohir sighed, blissfully. “Isn’t this romantic?”

 

“You are still very young, Elrohir,” replied Cirdan, chuckling. “No doubt this appears romantic to you.” Although he thought himself too old to find this romantic as well, he did.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor sat frozen on the chair in front of the dresser, staring at his pale reflection in the mirror. He had heard Ecthelion’s voice loud and clear and knew the younger Elf was on his way to confront him. /Why is he here? Why did he come to the Gray Havens?/ Absentmindedly, he registered the fact that he was almost naked, as he had just left the bathtub. He had only slung a towel around his waist loosely. Did he still have enough time to dress in his robes?

 

“Erestor! I know you are in there!”

 

Apparently not. Sighing deeply, Erestor rose from his chair, tightly clutching the towel so it wouldn’t slip. His hand shook when it pushed down the door handle.

 

They stared at each other for quite some time, both lost for words.

 

Erestor cleared his throat and then said in an uncertain voice, “Why are you here, Ecthelion?”

 

Erestor’s voice shook Ecthelion from his trance and the warrior marched into the room, grabbing Erestor tightly around the waist and slamming the door shut behind him. “*You*… You will never run away from me again!”

 

Erestor arched an eyebrow, still feeling in control of the situation and his emotions. He had a hard time believing Ecthelion was actually here, but felt the younger Elf’s hands upon his naked skin, so he *had* to believe it. “I did what I thought was best for you.”

 

Ecthelion drew in a deep breath and then pulled Erestor with him toward the bed. “Sit down and listen!”

 

Taken aback by Ecthelion’s attitude, Erestor complied. Part of him was rather curious to why Ecthelion was here in the first place. “Speak then.”

 

“You had better listen…” Ecthelion ran a hand through his hair, turned on his heels and began to pace the bedroom. “First, you will never run away again, do you hear me? You will talk to me!”

 

Erestor’s eyebrow inched higher, but he refrained from speaking, interested to find out where this was leading. Ecthelion had clearly managed to work himself into a frenzy and those emotions needed a way out.

 

“Second, I love *you*, and not Glorfindel. At least not that in that way.” Ecthelion crossed the distance between them and now stood in front of the stunned advisor. “And I do not wish to simply court you, I want us to form an eternal bond.”

 

Erestor nodded, dumbfounded.

 

“Third, I will propose to you and you will accept me. Don’t you dare reject me, for I won’t accept that. I *know* you love me, so do not pretend otherwise.”

 

Speechless, Erestor could only stare at Ecthelion, whose eyes burned with determination.

 

“I reckon this is the moment where I should actually propose,” mumbled Ecthelion, stroking tangled strands of hair away from his face. “And I should propose properly.”

 

Oh, my… What *was* Ecthelion up to? Erestor felt stunned when the other Elf knelt in front of him.

 

Gathering Erestor’s hands in his, Ecthelion cleared his throat and finally locked gazes with Erestor, something he had managed to avoid doing until now. “Erestor? My heart tells me to capture you and to never let you go again. I regret that it took me a while to understand that I loved you best and not Glorfindel, but I understand now. That is why I am here. That is why I am on my knees, proposing to you. Erestor, please accept my love for you and accept me as your husband. That is my greatest desire.” Pleadingly, he looked at Erestor, seeing shock and disbelief in the almost jet-black eyes.

 

“Ecthelion…” Lost, Erestor searched Ecthelion’s eyes, trying to find the truth. “Do you really mean that?” It was hard to believe that Ecthelion would choose him over Glorfindel. “But you love Glorfindel!”

 

“Nay, I love you. I always did.” As if to prove his point, Ecthelion brought Erestor’s hands to his lips and he gently kissed the palms, first the right and then the left. “I love you, Erestor. And you made the right decision when you let me go. You gave me the chance to explore my feelings for Glorfindel and what I found did not compare to the feelings which I had for you. I regret that I caused you so much pain, my love.”

 

Erestor wanted to hear Ecthelion say those words again – and again, and again. “You… love… me?”

 

“I love you, Erestor. I love you so much that I panicked when I found out that you had left Imladris and I chased after you. I was so determined to find you and now that I did, I pray that you will accept my apology – and my love.” Ecthelion involuntarily held his breath, awaiting Erestor’s answer. Only now did he realize that the elder Elf was as good as naked. Lust stirred in his groin and he blushed, as his passion overwhelmed him. “Please, Erestor, accept me. Bind with me. Become my husband.”

 

“I do not know what to say,” admitted Erestor, nervously. Was this really happening?

 

“Say aye. Accept me." Ecthelion inched closer on his knees and wrapped his arms around Erestor’s waist, rubbing the naked skin beneath his fingertips. “I know you love me, Erestor. I love you as well.”

 

Realizing he didn’t stand a chance, Erestor eventually nodded his head once. “I will give you a chance to prove your love to me, Ecthelion, but it is much too soon to speak of bonding.”

 

Hum, not exactly what he had been hoping for, but it would do. Ecthelion smiled warmly at Erestor. “Seal it with a kiss?”

 

A small chuckle escaped Erestor, finally relaxing in Ecthelion’s presence. “Do you wish to kiss me, then?”

 

“Aye…” Ecthelion slid one hand up Erestor’s back and pulled the elder Elf toward him. Slowly, he guided Erestor’s lips closer to his, and then, claimed them gently. The kiss was passionate, tender, and spoke of newly-found love – unconditional love. “I will prove my love to you, Erestor,” whispered Ecthelion, once he had released the elder Elf’s lips, “and when you are fully convinced of my undying love for you, we will form a bond, officially. Maybe Mithrandir can perform the ceremony?”

 

“You are not taking my no for an answer, are you?” asked Erestor, amused. His lips tingled from when Ecthelion had kissed him. And he wanted to do it again – to kiss him until his last, dying breath.

 

“Not really, nay. I would indulge you and pretend I did, but honestly? Nay, I do not.” Ecthelion slid onto the bed, sitting beside Erestor, who now trembled against him. “I am here to claim my mate.”

 

Erestor’s mouth went dry. “I want to believe you and I want to say yes, but… this is quite sudden.”

 

“It is,” acknowledged Ecthelion, “but that does not make it less sincere.”

 

Erestor ran his fingertips along Ecthelion’s jaw, considering the younger Elf. “You are here, so you made your choice, but how can you choose me?”

 

Ecthelion realized that more than words were needed to convince Erestor, so he forcefully encircled the advisor’s waist with his arms and pulled him closer, claiming and possessing Erestor’s mouth, leaving little to the imagination to what he really wanted to do to his dark-haired love.

 

And Erestor couldn’t deny the truth any longer. “You… really… love me…” he panted, excitedly. “But how… can this be?”

 

“It simply is,” replied Ecthelion, shrugging his shoulders once. “I love you, Erestor.”

 

Erestor finally gave in and surrendered all resistance. “It is useless to fight this.”

 

“Why would you fight it in the first place?” said Ecthelion, smiling now that he had conquered Erestor’s heart. “So, will you bond with me? And I will only accept one answer.”

 

“I reckon that answer is aye?” Erestor now felt comfortable enough to tease back.

 

“The only answer.”

 

“Aye, then, I will have you.” Smiling giddily, Erestor gave Ecthelion an adoring look. The younger Elf suddenly jumped to his feet and ran toward the doorway. Flinging the door open, he called out, “Erestor said yes!”

 

Erestor shook his head, amused by his lover’s enthusiasm. “Are you *that* eager to share this?”

 

“Very eager…” Ecthelion’s gaze traveled down Erestor’s naked body. The towel had slipped during their heated conversation. “And another part of my body is very eager as well. If you do not want to be ravished right here and now I suggest you slip into your robes, my love.”

 

Blushing, Erestor grabbed the towel to cover up his private parts and then disappeared into the bathroom once more, carrying his robes with him.

 

Ecthelion, bursting with energy and enthusiasm, left the room, ran down the flight of stairs and hugged the first Elf he encountered, which happened to be a startled Elrohir. “He said yes! He will bond with me!”

 

Elrohir found himself being spun around in the air. “Ecthelion! Cirdan, help!”

 

“Put him down, Ecthelion.” Cirdan chuckled, amused.

 

“Uhm, I am sorry,” stuttered Ecthelion, putting Elrohir back onto his feet again. “But I needed to tell you!”

 

“You told us!” Elrohir straightened out his clothes. Ecthelion had surprised him by grabbing hold of him. “And I am happy for you.”

 

Ecthelion nodded, eagerly. “Thank you! I am happy too!”

 

Cirdan laughed, warmly. At times Ecthelion still seemed an Elfling to him in his enthusiastic ways and he had to remind himself he was dealing with a fabled warrior here. “I must admit I was worried when Erestor arrived here all alone, but you did not disappoint me by coming after him.” He took a step closer to Ecthelion and waited until he had the younger Elf’s full attention. “Now that you have him, never let him slip away again.”

 

“I won’t. Erestor’s mine and I plan on keeping him for the rest of my life.”

 

Erestor, standing on the landing, heard the determination in Ecthelion’s voice. /He really loves me. He really wants to be with *me* and not Glorfindel./ The tears which left his eyes were tears of happiness, but still he wiped them away before descending the stairs. The time for tears had passed.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Cirdan drank in the sight of Ecthelion and Erestor, snuggled close to each other on the couch. Elrohir was brewing tea in the kitchen and Cirdan appreciate the homely feeling that had taken up residence in the cottage now that the two dark-haired Elves had been reunited. He had always hoped that this day would come and chided himself for not having more faith in Mithrandir. The Wizard had told him everything would be well in the end.

 

“Tea?” Elrohir offered Cirdan some of the chamomile tea he had made.

 

“Thank you.” Cirdan accepted and blew onto the hot surface, hoping to speed up the cooling down process.

 

Elrohir moved on to Ecthelion and Erestor, who also thanked him for their tea. But it was obvious that they had only eyes for each other and the tea was quickly placed on the side table so Ecthelion could claim Erestor’s hands again. Elrohir sat down near Cirdan and grinned. “I doubt they even know we are here.”

 

“Oh, they know. They just are not interested in us,” said Cirdan, chuckling. “But I do not mind that. I hoped this would happen.”

 

Elrohir leaned back and sipped his tea. “This means I am no longer needed here. I can leave for Imladris.”

 

“Ah, stay for a few days and explore the Gray Havens. Who knows when you will visit next?” Cirdan sighed, happily, drinking his tea. “I would show you around personally.”

 

“I *did* promise Elladan to bring him a gift.”

 

“I am certain you will find something suitable in the market square.” Cirdan was curious to find out what Elrond’s youngest son was like. He had always liked Elrond and being able to spend some time with his son was a pleasure.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“They are looking at us,” whispered Ecthelion into Erestor’s ear. “Do you think we should spend the rest of the evening in your bedroom? We would have more privacy there.”

 

“Maybe later.” Erestor was all in favor of retiring to their bedroom, but he didn’t want to be rude and simply leave. “Maybe you can sing for us?” He would love to hear that enchanting voice again. Ecthelion’s lips unexpectedly brushed the sensitive skin of his throat, making him quiver with pleasurable anticipation. He clearly sensed Ecthelion’s need for him – the other Elf’s desire – and knew it wouldn’t be long before Ecthelion would instigate their first lovemaking. Oh, he had already made Ecthelion wait for three years! It wasn’t really fair to make him wait much longer!

 

“Aye, I will sing for you,” said Ecthelion, quickly gazing at Cirdan and Elrohir.

 

“I would love to hear you sing,” said Elrohir, enthusiastically.

 

So Ecthelion indulged them and sung of his eternal, undying love for Erestor.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elrohir had tears in his eyes by the time Ecthelion finished. “That was…” Words failed him and he felt honored to have heard Ecthelion sing.

 

“We will retire for the night now,” announced Ecthelion, judging they had been social enough. Now, he wanted Erestor all to himself.

 

Understanding, Cirdan nodded once. “Sweet dreams to you. May Elbereth watch over you.”

 

“I hope she won’t be watching too closely,” said Elrohir, joking.

 

Erestor actually blushed, weakly, catching on. He shuffled toward the stairs, choosing not to get involved in this verbal sparing match.

 

Ecthelion followed suit, still cradling Erestor’s right hand in his. Following Erestor up the stairs, a million thoughts raced through his head. Would they make love for the first time tonight? Or was that too quick? Should they take it slow instead? But he didn’t want to take it slow!

 

They had reached Erestor’s bedroom by now, which they would share from now on, and Ecthelion closed the door behind them. Ecthelion watched Erestor disappear into the bathroom and whilst the elder Elf was gone, he disrobed. Only clad in his loincloth, he slid between the sheets, awaiting his lover’s return.

 

/Not yet,/ he decided, /I want our first time to be special./ And then, he had the most sublime vision of making love with Erestor amidst of the waves – in the Sea. Aye, that was the way he wanted it. He didn’t want to make love to Erestor for the first time in this room – feeling confined. He wanted to experience their lovemaking out in the open, feeling the water gently splash against their skin, caressing their bodies. /Tomorrow… I can arrange for that tomorrow./

 

When Erestor stepped into the bedroom again, he was naked and the sight of his lover took Ecthelion’s breath away. Realizing he was overdressed, he quickly rid himself of his loincloth. “Join me in bed, my love.” Lifting the sheet, he watched Erestor’s elegant, almost feline movements when the elder Elf lay down next to him. Ecthelion opened his arms and Erestor promptly moved into them. “I have dreamt of holding you like this when I was on the road.”

 

Erestor smiled, happily. “I never thought you would come after me. I was convinced you loved Glorfindel.”

 

“I cannot blame you for thinking that. I felt like that as well. But then… Then, I realized the truth.”

 

“How does… How does Glorfindel fare?” Erestor felt sorry for his friend, who had once more lost his love.

 

“Glorfindel felt the same way I did,” replied Ecthelion, who now stroked Erestor’s face. “He longed for Elrond, instead of me.”

 

Erestor’s eyes shone with relief and pleasure. “Glorfindel wants to be with Elrond?”

 

“Knowing Glorfindel, he is wooing Elrond right now. And who can resist him? Elrond has probably forgiven him already. I can never stay cross with Glorfindel for long.”

 

“Neither can I.” Erestor moved closer and felt Ecthelion tighten his hold on him. “I won’t run away again.”

 

Ecthelion nodded once, pleased, but… “Erestor, do you want to stay here in the Gray Havens forever or… or do you think we will return to Imladris one day?” Nervously, he bit his lip. “I would stay here with you,” he added quickly, “And that could never be a sacrifice, but…”

 

“You would like to be around Glorfindel as well.” Erestor would have felt jealous in the past, but not any more, for now he knew Ecthelion truly loved *him* and *not* Glorfindel.

 

“Aye,” admitted Ecthelion readily, relieved to see true understanding in Erestor’s eyes. “But I would rather be with you – if I had to choose.”

 

“I won’t make you choose,” promised Erestor, “I wanted to be here because our love still lingers here, but now that you are here with me, I feel no longer drawn to the Gray Havens. I want to be where you are, no matter where that is.”

 

Ecthelion impulsively kissed Erestor, hearing those words. “I will make you happy, Erestor. I promise.” And tomorrow, he would make Erestor his in soul – and more importantly in *body*.


	18. Chapter 18

Part 18

 

“Wake up!” Ecthelion was literally bursting with energy. All night long, he had slept peacefully because Erestor was back in his arms, and now that the morning had come, he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Erestor – preferably awake. “I will make you breakfast,” he whispered whilst kissing Erestor’s face, letting his tongue and lips trail along the other Elf’s jawline. “And then we will go running.” He was most eager to pick up their old routine again. One of Erestor’s eyes focused on him whilst the other remained filled with sleep. “Come on! Wake up!” That did the trick and the second eye now focused on him as well.

 

“Why are you so… awake?” Erestor stretched, eyeing Ecthelion, curiously. He loved waking up next to Ecthelion again; the last few nights he had woken up either alone or with Elrond close.

 

“I am awake because we are supposed to be awake!” Ecthelion grinned cheekily and then rolled atop a surprised Erestor, who yelped softly.

 

“What are you doing?” Ecthelion had never been this… eager. At least not in the bedroom. /Well, this should not come as a surprise,/ he chided himself, /I told him to hold back until he had reached his majority, which he now has. He is an adult and clearly wants to pursue me!/

 

Ecthelion slid his arms underneath Erestor’s back, cradling him close. Staring into the large, brown eyes, he smiled contentedly. “I will never let you go again.”

 

Erestor sensed Ecthelion’s determination; even though the words were uttered with a cheeky grin on his face, Ecthelion truly meant them. “Will you keep me prisoner in this bed forever, then?”

 

“If need be,” said Ecthelion, teasing Erestor. Slowly, he leaned in closer and claimed the elder Elf’s lips.

 

The sensations coursing through his body overwhelmed Erestor, who moaned into Ecthelion’s mouth. The younger Elf moved atop him suggestively, rubbing his lower body against him and clearly demonstrating his desire and arousal. Ecthelion was hard against him. And so was Erestor.

 

Enjoying being the dominant one for the moment, Ecthelion slid one hand up Erestor’s thigh. A surprised groan told him that Erestor never expected that move, and his grin became most definitely wicked. His fingers closed around Erestor’s hard flesh, tormenting his lover with impending release yet denying it for the moment. “I love you,” he whispered breathlessly.

 

Erestor didn’t really get a chance to reply as Ecthelion’s lips claimed his once more. His tongue was now engaged in a sensual duel which took his breath away. Warm fingers wrapped around his weeping member and he tried to raise his hips in order to encourage Ecthelion. He had to wait for the younger Elf to release his lips in order to murmur his consent. “If you want me, have me.” To his utter surprise, Ecthelion shook his head.

 

“Not here… not now… not like this…” And taking Erestor wasn’t exactly what he had planned; he wanted to feel his lover inside of him. In his dreams last night, he had dreamt of their lovemaking and he wanted tonight to be like that – magic. But for now they both needed release -- urgently. “Touch me, love, please.”

 

Encouraged, Erestor’s hand searched for his lover’s arousal and once he had found it, he closed his fingers around it. Timing his strokes to the ones Ecthelion delivered to his own hard flesh, he hoped they would find release together. He loved seeing Ecthelion move above him with such need, such abandon. The gray eyes had turned black and the pupils had dilated with lust.

 

Ecthelion reached orgasm first; crushing Erestor’s already bruised lips in a consuming kiss.

 

Erestor surrendered, giving Ecthelion what he was asking for. Finding release as well, he squirmed beneath the younger Elf. Ecthelion collapsed on top of him, and although his lover felt heavy, Erestor enjoyed being pressed down; finally *feeling* Ecthelion so very close. “I love you too.”

 

Ecthelion smiled, pleased. This had just been foreplay. The real act would take place tonight.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elrohir immediately noted the passion mark that adorned Erestor’s throat. His former tutor tried hard to hide it beneath his long hair, but failed in doing so. “I reckon there is no more reason for me to stay?” He was eager to return home – to Elladan.

 

Erestor shrugged his shoulders and met Elrohir’s eyes with a nervous expression on his face. “Everything is well between Ecthelion and I, if that is what you want to know.”

 

“Oh, I *see* that everything is well again,” replied Elrohir, pointing at the passion mark on Erestor’s throat.

 

Erestor blushed furiously but kept quiet, knowing better than to give Elrohir more information. His former student would only use said information to tease him mercilessly. “Did you accept Cirdan’s invitation to explore the Gray Havens?”

 

“Aye, I did. I will stay at his home for two days and then I will leave for Imladris.” Elrohir advanced on Erestor and placed a hand on the nervous-looking Elf’s shoulder. ‘There is nothing to feel ashamed of.”

 

“I know that,” admitted Erestor, shrugging again, “But for some reason I feel… shy… about this.” It had been too long since he’d had a lover!

 

“I am certain you will grow more comfortable,” said Elrohir, getting ready to take his leave. “I hope to see many letters from you whilst you stay here. And may I hope that you will return to Imladris one day?”

 

“You may hope that,” whispered Erestor, his blush still intensifying. “But I want to stay here for now.”

 

“Do not wait too long to return to us,” said Elrohir, “For you are sorely missed.”

 

“I know that,” admitted Erestor, “And I will return to Imladris in time to celebrate the winter solstice with you.”

 

“Excellent!” Elrohir beamed with joy. “Enjoy your time here, then.”

 

“I will.” Erestor shuffled his feet. “Would you tell Glorfindel that I never wanted to take his lover away from him?” This had been bothering him since Ecthelion had arrived. How would Glorfindel react when he returned to Imladris? Aye, Ecthelion had tried to reassure him, but he still worried – that was his very nature.

 

“I am certain he understands.” Elrohir squeezed Erestor’s shoulder one last time, leaned in quickly, and pressed a goodbye kiss on Erestor’s cheek. “I will see you when the winter solstice is upon us.”

 

Erestor nodded once; he would keep his word.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Once Elrohir had left the cottage, silence had descended onto Erestor. He had seated himself on the grass, content to watch Ecthelion. The younger Elf was going through his daily regime of exercises to maintain his weapons’ skill and it was a pleasure to watch him. But when Ecthelion ended his training program, his lover made his way over to him and sat before him on his knees.

 

“What is amiss?” asked Ecthelion, quite worried to see Erestor in this withdrawn state.

 

“Nothing really,” replied Erestor in an apologetic tone, “I was merely pondering what happened between us in bed this morn.”

 

The cheeky smile immediately returned to Ecthelion’s face. “I trust you enjoyed what happened?”

 

“I did…” But the problem was that he wanted more. He wanted to make love to Ecthelion, but he didn’t know if his lover was ready to take that step yet.

 

“Do you want to take the next step as well?” asked Ecthelion, correctly interpreting Erestor’s expression. “I do. I want to make love with you.”

 

Blushing weakly, Erestor nodded his head. “But you must know… It has been a long time for me, since…”

 

“Since you made love with anyone.” Ecthelion seated himself opposite Erestor and then gently pulled the elder Elf toward him. Erestor complied and wrapped his long legs around Ecthelion’s waist. “Why don’t you tell me about him? I have always sensed a deep pain inside you which never healed properly.”

 

Erestor blinked once. Telling Ecthelion made sense. His lover had every right to know. “It has been over two millennia since I last made love… to Ereinion.”

 

Now it was Ecthelion’s turn to blink his eyes in surprise. “The High-King?” Erestor had mentioned him before -- had mentioned being trained by the High-King and having mourned Ereinion’s loss -- but he had never suspected there had been more than friendship between the two males. “You were lovers?”

 

“Aye, for a thousand years… and we were happy.” Erestor smiled ruefully. “We complimented each other perfectly, Ecthelion. It was love at first sight… As it is with you.”

 

Flattered, Ecthelion smiled. “Thank you…” Searching for the right words, he eventually said, “Do you want to make love with me? To go all the way? For I do.”

 

Erestor nodded, happily, “I do.”

 

“Then we will make love tonight.”

 

“Tonight?” Erestor briefly felt confused. “What is wrong with making love *now*?”

 

Ecthelion caught Erestor's trembling hands in his, rubbing the long digits. "I want to make love to you when Ithil is high in the sky. And I want to make love to you in the surf, when the Sea gently caresses our bodies."

 

Erestor swallowed hard, trying to rid himself of the emotions that caused his throat to tighten. "You are a romantic, my sweet."

 

"I hope you do not mind," replied Ecthelion, shyly looking Erestor in the eye.

 

"I do not mind. On the contrary, I approve."

 

"Tonight, then. In the surf, under Ithil's silver beams."

 

"Tonight," confirmed Erestor. "Tonight we will make love."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Laying Erestor down onto the sand, Ecthelion realized he had never felt more blessed in his entire life -- well, lives to be exact.

 

Erestor's nervousness had faded when they had frolicked around in the Sea like two Elflings, trying to splash and catch each other. In the end, Erestor had allowed himself to be caught and Ecthelion had wasted no time in carrying his precious charge to shallower ground. The waves lapped at their feet occasionally and the surf created a nice, soothing sound that made them feel more comfortable. For this was new -- this was their first time together. So Ecthelion had come well prepared, bringing oil with him that would ease their lovemaking.

 

"I have only been with one other male," Ecthelion said, eventually, "And I do not yet know which touches please you. Allow me to learn."

 

"It is the same way for me," said Erestor, looking entranced at Ecthelion, who moved sensually above him. The gray -- now black -- eyes were heavy with desire and the mere expression in them was enough to make him hard; Ecthelion hadn't even *really* touched him yet! He just hoped he would last and not spill too fast. "Ecthelion..." Mesmerized, he moved his hand through his lover's long mane, ending up fingering a strand.

 

"Let me pleasure you, my love. I do not know what our future times together will be like, but please let me take care of you tonight." Ecthelion's hands tenderly caressed his lover's naked body. Erestor was squirming beneath him; rubbing himself against him. It was obvious neither of them would last long tonight. Taking a moment to truly enjoy the wonderful sight beneath him, Ecthelion thanked the Valar for making him see the truth -- that he loved Erestor best.

 

Ithil's silver beams engulfed Erestor's body and made his lover's hair shine like midnight-silver. The normally brown eyes had taken a slightly lighter tone and reflected the moon beams. Waves now crawled up their legs and Ecthelion uncovered the oil he had brought, placing the vial next to Erestor's head. "Will you let me pleasure you? Will you bind yourself to me? Will you be mine as I am yours?"

 

"Aye, forever." Erestor brought his arms up behind Ecthelion's back and pulled his lover close, parting his legs in invitation. Ecthelion moved in between them and Erestor sighed blissfully into the other Elf's mouth, as his lips were locked in a passionate kiss. "I need you now," Erestor panted, once Ecthelion broke off the kiss so the younger Elf could reach for the oil. "I beg of you, do not draw this out. There will be enough times to make this last, but not now..."

 

Ecthelion nodded firmly. "I feel the same way. I want you too." Ecthelion removed the stopper and coated his fingers with the scented oil. "What do you want, my love? How do you want to make love?"

 

Erestor briefly hesitated. "What would you like?"

 

Smiling, Ecthelion made up his mind. If Erestor found it hard to decide, he would decide for him.

 

Erestor gasped when oiled fingers wrapped themselves around his erection, and his eyes widened with surprise. This was rather unexpected! "What... are you... doing...?"

 

"Preparing you properly," said Ecthelion mischievously. Next, he leaned in closer and gently sucked the skin beneath Erestor's collar bone. Erestor squirmed beneath him and Ecthelion allowed for his tongue to travel downward until it encountered the first hard nipple. After nibbling, lapping and suckling the hardened flesh, he let it slip from his lips so he could bestow the same treatment on the other nipple.

 

"Ecthelion... Please... I am about to... come... so close..." Erestor pleadingly looked at his lover. "I want us to come together... I do not want to leave you behind..." A wave of warm water now reached his buttocks and the touch felt like a caress.

 

Taking pity on his lover, Ecthelion added more oil and made certain Erestor's shaft was luxuriously coated. Then, he moved until he was straddling Erestor's hips. The look his lover gave him spoke of surprise and uncertainty.

 

"Are you certain you want to make love in this way?" Erestor trembled, realizing he was only moments away from seeing Ecthelion take himself!

 

"Aye, I am..." Ecthelion sensually licked his lips, rose, and then slowly lowered himself onto his lover's hard flesh. When Erestor's hands reached for his, he indulged his lover, entwining their fingers. Slowly, he lowered himself, his eyes growing big at the invasive feeling. He hadn't been on the receiving end much, as Glorfindel loved being taken.

 

Erestor forced himself to remain motionless -- no easy feat now that this tight heat began to envelop him. Staring deeply into Ecthelion's eyes, he always made sure there was eye contact.

 

Ecthelion released a deep sigh when he was finally firmly seated in Erestor's lap, having taken in the other Elf's length completely. Not moving yet, he savored the moment and smiled, happily. "My, this feels..." This experience was beyond words.

 

Erestor moistened his lips. The need to thrust was quickly overwhelming him as his body craved the impending release. "My sweet Ecthelion, would you please move?"

 

"But of course..." Bowing forward, he claimed Erestor's lips and used his grip on his lover's hands to support him when he experimentally moved. The sigh that left Erestor's lips almost made him come, but he held back, wanting to make the act last a little longer.

 

It wasn't long before Erestor began to thrust and Ecthelion was content to let the elder Elf set their pace. The balance between them shifted, and before Ecthelion knew what was happening, Erestor had rolled him onto his back and now moved above him. Dazed, Ecthelion allowed Erestor to place his legs on top of his lover's shoulders. Erestor now managed to thrust deeply, rubbing his sensitive gland with every stroke. His eyes widened, realizing Erestor was now setting a deep and slow pace, truly claiming him and making him his.

 

Erestor tightly hung on to his control, not wanting to accidentally hurt his lover, but Ecthelion was so tight, so hot and so willing, that the need to possess his lover overtook him. Burying himself deep in the welcoming body, he growled softly. Now it was Erestor's turn to claim Ecthelion's lips and he bit softly into the bottom lip, making the younger Elf yelp softly. That yelp chased him over the edge and he collapsed on top of Ecthelion.

 

Ecthelion's eyes stayed big, feeling Erestor find release inside him. A warm sensation spread through him and his world exploded in bright colors. Erestor wrapped his arms around him and Ecthelion clung to the elder Elf, experiencing the most divine orgasm he had ever had.

 

Concerned at feeling Ecthelion go limp beneath him, Erestor carefully removed himself from his lover's body and then probed the impossibly large eyes. Ecthelion was still conscious, but barely.

 

The waves became bolder and the warm water now lapped at their bodies, soothing the two Elves. Erestor lowered his lover's legs back onto the sand and continued to search the younger Elf's eyes, hoping he had pleased Ecthelion. "Beloved?"

 

A satiated smile appeared on Ecthelion's face. The younger Elf grabbed his lover tightly and then rolled them over the sand until eventually he ended up back on top again. Showering Erestor's face and throat with passionate kisses, he ran his hands down his lover's flanks. "Perfect," he purred, "Just the way I wanted it."

 

Erestor laughed, relieved. "For some reason I assumed you wanted to be on top."

 

"Oh, I enjoy being on top as well," admitted the younger Elf, "But today was different. I wanted to feel you inside of me. It felt right that way."

 

Erestor cocked his head and ran his right hand down Ecthelion's back until it came to rest on a firm buttock. "I told Elrohir we would be home to celebrate the winter solstice with them."

 

Ecthelion frowned, wondering why Erestor was telling him that now, but then he understood and smiled. "You said we would be *home*. Does that mean our stay here will be shorter than you originally thought?" He did want to see Glorfindel again -- as his friend, not his lover.

 

"The fact that you came after me tells me that you love me best. I might be jealous in the future, when I see you with Glorfindel, but I think I will be able to handle that." Erestor pushed himself into a sitting position and Ecthelion moved out of his lap, kneeling in front of him. "You asked me to bind with you and I accept. I love and trust you."

 

Acting on impulse, Ecthelion threw his arms around Erestor, kissing him passionately. "Never doubt my love for you again, Erestor. Please, I love you best."

 

"I believe you now," replied Erestor, "And I love you as well."

 

"We will be as happy in Imladris as we are here." Winter solstice was still several moons away and they would enjoy their carefree time here in the Gray Havens. "I thank the Valar for opening my eyes... To know that I came so close to losing you causes me pain."

 

"I am here now... And I won't ever leave you again." Erestor meant every word of what he had said.

 

"I will never allow you to leave me again," said Ecthelion. And he meant every word as well.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elrohir arrived in Imladris ten days later. He had enjoyed his stay in the Gray Havens and Cirdan's company, but his heart kept calling him back to Imladris -- to Elladan, to be exact. His twin had always possessed his heart and he knew that there would never be another for him. He loved Elladan with a passion that scared him at times.

 

"Elrohir! Finally!"

 

Elrohir was promptly knocked off his mare's back when Elladan's body connected with his. "Humpf!" He landed hard on the forest ground and luckily Elladan backed off, which gave him a chance to catch his breath. "Did you have to do that?"

 

"I am happy to see you again." Elladan inched closer and knelt beside his twin, who was busy brushing twigs and leaves from his tunic. "I have missed you! I was so close to following you to the Gray Havens!"

 

"Father would not have liked that."

 

"Father would not have been close enough to scold me for taking off like that," replied Elladan, still inching closer. "Elrohir, I..."

 

Elrohir stopped his twin from talking by placing a finger across Elladan's lips. "Not here. There are sentries everywhere." They weren't ready yet to announce their love to their father, who would doubtlessly be told first, should they be seen kissing. "Later, in the confines of our rooms."

 

Elladan nodded, reluctantly. Looking at his double, he hungered for a touch -- no matter how small.

 

Elrohir complied and caressed his twin's face. "I thought of you when I was in the Gray Havens and I brought you a gift."

 

"You did?" Impatiently, Elladan waited for Elrohir to produce said gift. "What is it?"

 

Elrohir fumbled in his pocket and then extended his hand, slowly opening it. "Would you... Would you wear it?"

 

Elladan moistened his lips and carefully took hold of the pendant. It was a sea shell, set in mithril. "Thank you." He felt the urge to kiss Elrohir, but he knew giving in to that desire was folly. Elladan slid the pendant into his pocket, determined to find a matching necklace. "Let me help you to your feet." They were always aware of the sentries around them and knew they had to behave properly.

 

Elrohir accepted the help and allowed Elladan to pull him to his feet. Seeing the sad expression in his twin's eyes, he said, "We will tell our father when we are ready." Much depended on Elrond's reaction to finding out they loved each other. Could their father accept this? Would he? They would find out in time and until that time came, they had to be careful.


	19. Chapter 19

Epilogue

 

"Be careful, Estel! The tree is..." Elladan didn't get the chance to warn them. The tree slipped and buried Estel and Elrohir beneath it. "Oh, darn it!"

 

"What in Elbereth's name *is* going on here?" Celeborn appeared in the hallway and took in the pitiful sight. Estel and the twins had offered to provide the household with the traditional evergreen and apparently they had found a tree to their liking. "You make some very poor tree bearers," said the Lord of the Golden wood teasingly.

 

"Ata'da, help me!" Elladan shot his grandfather a pleading look. "Elrohir and Estel are somewhere underneath there."

 

Taking pity on his grandchildren, Celeborn raised the tree enough for the two males to free themselves. Together, the four of them hauled the tree into the Hall of Fire and put it in its assigned spot. Celeborn chuckled, softly, seeing Arwen rush over to Estel's side to brush away the pine needles, which could be painful if they got stuck in the wrong places. Ah, this was the very reason why he choose to spend Yule in Imladris. Galadriel however, preferred to stay at home and celebrate the winter solstice with their kin in silent meditation. But Celeborn was different; he loved the mayhem that took up residence in Elrond's normally peaceful Imladris when the twins and Estel got together.

 

Elrohir straightened out his clothes and glared at Estel. "I would not be surprised to learn you let it slip on purpose."

 

"Now why would I do that?"

 

"You obviously enjoy having Arwen fuss over you," said Elrohir, his eyes narrowed.

 

Estel shrugged once, decided this wasn't worth arguing over and led Arwen into the gardens to watch the snow fall.

 

Celeborn wrapped one arm around Elladan and the other around Elrohir's shoulder. "It looks like it is up to us to decorate our tree."

 

"That is Glorfindel's job." Elrohir looked about, but Glorfindel was nowhere in sight. The blond was probably keeping Elrond company. Their father preferred to spend these hours in meditation.

 

"But Glorfindel is not here." Celeborn presented the large bowls with nuts, fruits, leaves, and colored ribbons to his grandsons. "Get busy."

 

"And what will you do?" Elrohir reluctantly began decorating the tree with large wreaths, made of berries, holly, dried fruits and ribbons made of green and red fabric.

 

"I will make more wreaths," announced Celeborn, who unceremoniously sat down on the floor and began weaving the evergreen, holly and ivy until it formed a perfect circle. "Another year has passed by," muttered Celeborn beneath his breath, "And so much has happened." He was much looking forward to being reunited with his foster-son, and he hoped Ecthelion and Erestor would arrive shortly. "Finished." He handed the wreath to Elladan who hung it above the doorway so the holly and ivy could protect the inhabitants against all evil.

 

Elrohir had almost finished decorating the tree, tying the last few colored ribbons around the branches. "It is amazing... Imladris is covered in snow and yet in a few moons summer will return." This cycle would repeat itself until the very end of Arda.

 

Celeborn moved backward until his back rested against the wall. Watching his grandsons closely, he wondered how they could have fooled everyone for so long. Well, fooled, wasn't the right word. Elrond, Galadriel and he had always suspected the twins might fall in love with each other. After all, the same thing had happened to Elrond and Elros so long ago. "Hum..." Celeborn cleared his throat, and once he had his grandsons' attention, he pointed at the mistletoe hanging above their heads. "There is this tradition, you know..." A kiss under the mistletoe spoke of love and commitment.

 

Elrohir blushed, weakly. He was still growing used to the fact that their love was no longer a secret and that people knew they were together in that way. Elladan, however, didn't feel that awkward and reacted at once, pulling Elrohir close and pressing his lips onto his twin's. Elrohir gasped; then his demeanor softened and he gave in, eagerly kissing Elladan back.

 

Celeborn chuckled, amused. It had been a long time since the Last Homely House had felt so 'homely' -- since they had lost Celebrían to be exact. He still remembered Elrond's nervousness when his son-in-law had confided in him concerning Glorfindel. He also clearly recalled Elrond's relief when he had embraced Glorfindel, accepting the blond warrior who had been a part of his family for a long time already. Aye, all was well in the Last Homely House.

 

That was, except for one minor detail. "Which one of you stole the Yule log?" He had checked for it earlier, and the oak log was missing. There was only one solution; one of his charming grandchildren had hidden it and he couldn't rule out Estel or Arwen either. Maybe all four of them were involved?

 

"Yule log?" The twins stared at each other in puzzlement. "We did not hide it." Elrohir blushed. They'd had other things on their minds!

 

One look told Celeborn that his grandson was telling the truth. So if they hadn't taken the log, who had?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Elrond? It is almost time for dinner." Glorfindel moved into place behind Elrond, who was seated on the floor in meditation. The fragrance of warm, spicy incense filled the room and Glorfindel didn't want to draw the half-Elf out of his trance, but it was time they joined the others. Elrond, as head of this household, had to set fire to the Yule log and then the celebrations would start. /And I will see Ecthelion again this eve./ He had missed his friend and brother in arms, but Ecthelion's absence had also allowed him to focus on the most important person in his life -- Elrond, who he loved with his whole being. "Come back to me."

 

Elrond blinked once before his eyes finally focused on his lover. Smiling warmly at the blond, Elrond stretched. "Is it time already?"

 

"Aye, everyone has laid down their work and the table has been set." Glorfindel offered Elrond his hand and helped the half-Elf to his feet. "I made something for you," he said, shyly.

 

"What is it?" His curiosity piqued, Elrond followed Glorfindel's every move when the blond uncovered something from behind his back. "A wreath?"

 

"Made of holly, ivy, berries and yew." Holding it together was evergreen, and Glorfindel proudly placed the 'circlet' on Elrond's head.

 

Elrond's eyes swam with emotion and tears. "Thank you." Celebrían had been the last person to do this for him. When his wife had left, the tradition had been abandoned. "Thank you for loving me." He leaned in closer and kissed Glorfindel on the lips.

 

Glorfindel deepened the kiss and regretted ending it. "They are waiting for us."

 

"No sign of Erestor and Ecthelion yet?" Elrond hoped they would make it in time to join them for the feast.

 

"Nothing yet," whispered Glorfindel, "But Mithrandir should arrive within the next half hour."

 

"Ah, it will be good to have him with us again." Elrond claimed Glorfindel's hand and led his lover toward the doorway, looking forward to an evening filled with laughter and singing.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"I did not steal it!" Elrohir glared at his grandfather. "Neither did Elladan!" The Yule log was still missing.

 

Elrond sighed, deeply. In his hands was the remainder of last year's Yule log, which he would use to light this year's, but so far -- no Yule log. "Who took it?" His deep, gray eyes probed theirs and narrowed upon looking at Estel. "Did you...?"

 

Estel shuffled his feet, nervously. He had been an idiot to think he could fool Elrond. "Aye, I did."

 

"Why?" Elrond shook his head.

 

"Arwen dared me."

 

Elrond's eyes widened dramatically, looking upon his daughter. "You dared him?"

 

Arwen unleashed her most charming smile, but quickly realized it was lost on her father. "I am sorry, Ada... It is always Elladan and Elrohir who pull these pranks and I wanted..."

 

"Estel, fetch it," ordered Elrond, who did his utter best not to burst out laughing. "We cannot keep the whole household waiting."

 

Whilst Arwen and Estel left to retrieve the missing log, Glorfindel squeezed Elrond's hand. "Ecthelion and Erestor are still not here."

 

"But *I* am!" Mithrandir entered the room and his heartfelt laughter rolled toward the gathering of Elves. "It is good to see you again!" Mithrandir hugged Elrond first and then moved on to Glorfindel. In the end, everyone present had received a warm, tight hug from the Istari. "Why the sad face, Glorfindel?"

 

"Ecthelion and Erestor are not here yet." Elrond squeezed his hand, making Glorfindel smile at the half-Elf. His lover knew him so well! "I had hoped they would join us."

 

"I am certain they will. I spoke to them a month ago and they were quite determined to celebrate Yule in Imladris." Mithrandir came to stand beside Celeborn, who offered the Istari a glass of Imladris' finest wine, which Mithrandir eagerly accepted. "The Hall of Fire truly lives up to its name." Mithrandir took in the dazzling sight of hundreds of candles, spread throughout the room. The fire in the fireplace burned hotly, almost mirroring Arien.

 

Elrond smiled, pleased. "You are most welcome, my old friend." Mithrandir's presence was always a blessing during the celebrations.

 

Estel and Arwen entered again and presented this year's Yule log to Elrond. "I am sorry, Ada," whispered Estel, "It seemed a good idea at the time."

 

"You are forgiven, children." Elrond graced them with a smile, which clearly reassured them. "We cannot wait much longer, Glorfindel."

 

Glorfindel realized that too and sighed, deeply. "Light the log, then." It was obvious Ecthelion and Erestor wouldn't arrive in time.

 

Lighting the remains of last year's log, Elrond stared into the flames. "Tonight is the Winter Solstice. The night that we celebrate Yule. Tonight is the longest night of the year. The night when darkness will rule." Elrond set fire to the Yule Log and then lit a candle, which he handed to his lover.

 

Glorfindel accepted and said, "But the light will turn this night." He then handed the candle to Celeborn, standing opposite him.

 

"To return and turn the dark to light once more." Celeborn smiled at his grandsons, who reached for the candle as one, then shyly backing away, until eventually Elrohir took hold of the candle.

 

"Tonight the dark time ends." Elrohir and Elladan looked at each other, their fingers tightly entwined once more. They felt happy and blessed that all present had accepted their love and didn't shun them for it.

 

Estel now took hold of the candle. Looking deeply into Arwen's eyes, he said, "Since Midsummer the Wheel has turned bringing us into the dark time. But tonight the dark ends." Arwen mouthed the words with him, smiling blissfully at having her beloved close.

 

Raising his staff, Mithrandir closed his eyes. "It is Yule, the Winter Solstice. And from here the days will get longer. The Sun will start to grow stronger." The promise echoed clearly audible through the Hall and everyone present already longed for the next summer to arrive.

 

Silence fell. Glorfindel looked at Elrond, wondering what to do now that Erestor and Ecthelion weren't here to speak those last lines.

 

"Winter's hold will be loosened and soon Spring will come back." Erestor's voice came unexpectedly and everyone turned to welcome them.

 

Glorfindel's eyes lit up, seeing Ecthelion standing next to Erestor. Both Elves were dressed in their traveling clothes, the dust still present on the fabric. And apparently they had brought a guest. A bearded Elf, who could only be Cirdan, stood behind the two dark-haired Elves, smiling fondly.

 

"The Wheel is turning. The light is returning!" Ecthelion grinned, seeing Glorfindel's relief and pleasure at having him here. They had made it just in time!

 

Everyone now looked toward Elrond, who would conclude the ritual. "Winter is a time of darkness. But it does not last forever. It is only a stop on the Wheel and soon the Wheel will turn again and bring us back to Spring. This is the lesson Nature teaches us, that no matter how dark it gets the light always returns. The night will always end and a new day begin." Looking at Mithrandir, he nodded once, wanting the Istari to speak the final blessing.

 

"May the light of the Yule candles burn in our hearts all throughout the Winter and through the coming year. Blessings of the Season on us all." Mithrandir accepted the candle and placed it in a holder next to the log, which now burned hotly. "Welcome, Yule!"

 

That was the sign everyone had been waiting for and Elrond's entire household, which had watched from a respectful distance, now ate and drank their fill, making merry, singing and drinking. Elrond and his entourage walked over to their table, where they sat down. That was, everyone save for Glorfindel and Ecthelion, who exchanged hugs.

 

Erestor let them be, realizing there was no reason for him to be jealous. He had seen the same passion he felt for Ecthelion in Glorfindel's eyes when the blond had looked at Elrond.

 

"You are here! I was afraid you would not make it!" Glorfindel studied Ecthelion, delighted to see his friend beaming with happiness.

 

"Aye, we should have left the Gray Havens earlier, but Cirdan decided to join us at the last minute." Ecthelion drank in Glorfindel's sight and then leaned in closer. "Is all well with you? And with Elrond?"

 

"All is well," said Glorfindel, reassuringly. "And how are things with you and Erestor?" He cast a quick look at the advisor, who looked radiant.

 

"They could not be better. We are happy." Ecthelion gave Glorfindel a wink. "And we are here to stay."

 

Glorfindel hugged Ecthelion once more, hearing the good news. "I had hoped you would stay."

 

Erestor inclined his head in Elrond's direction and the look that passed between them spoke of everything they needed to know. Content that Elrond and Glorfindel were happy, his gaze shifted to Elladan and Elrohir, who were holding hands. Ah, the twins had finally admitted their love, then. He had never spoken of his suspicions to Elrond, keeping them private, but he had always known there was a deep love between the twins. Finding they had become lovers now didn't surprise him in the least.

 

In the end, Glorfindel and Ecthelion joined them. Glorfindel smiled adoringly at his lover and was promptly kissed on the lips by a very smug-looking Elrond. Ecthelion pulled Erestor close, possessively wrapping an arm around his beloved.

 

Mithrandir leaned closer toward Cirdan. "I told you everything would turn out well, didn't I?" Next, he exchanged a smile with Celeborn, who had also caught the remark.

 

"Aye, you did," replied Cirdan, "Though there was a time when I doubted your words."

 

"Never doubt Mithrandir," said Celeborn, grinning as he sipped his wine. "I learned a long time ago that he knows what he is doing."

 

Mithrandir leaned back into the comfort of his chair. His gaze traveled from one Elf to another and came to rest upon Erestor eventually. The advisor met his gaze and nodded once. Aye, everything had worked out in the end.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Come to bed, Elrond. It is cold out here." Glorfindel draped a warm blanket across the half-Elf's shoulders. "Your children are happy, Erestor is back at your side and Mithrandir and Celeborn are trying to drink each other under the table. All is well in your sweet Imladris."

 

Elrond chuckled. "Who do you think is winning?"

 

"Celeborn will win. He wins every year."

 

Elrond nodded once. "And my children?"

 

"Elladan and Elrohir are in their rooms and we both know what they are doing." Glorfindel easily caught his lover's blush. "Arwen and Estel went for a midnight walk in the snow-covered gardens."

 

"And... Ecthelion?" Elrond turned in the embrace and studied Glorfindel's blue eyes.

 

"He is staying in Erestor's rooms. They seem happy to me." Glorfindel guided Elrond back into their bedroom. "Only *you* are still brooding."

 

"I am not brooding!" said Elrond, indignantly, "I was merely thinking."

 

"Thinking..."

 

The look that Glorfindel gave him told the half-Elf that the blond didn't quite believe him. "I was not brooding."

 

"If you say so." Glorfindel closed the balcony doors behind them and pushed the blanket from Elrond's shoulders.

 

"What do you think you are doing?" asked Elrond when the blond began to unbutton his robes.

 

"It is time for bed."

 

"To sleep?"

 

"Not yet, later perhaps." Glorfindel grinned naughtily. "It is Yule, Elrond. We should start our own personal fire to keep us warm."

 

"Fire?" Elrond raised an eyebrow when his robes slid down his body to pool at his feet.

 

"Aye, your eyes turn to liquid fire when we make love." Glorfindel quickly removed his boots and clothes and then followed Elrond to the bed. They slipped between the sheets and he ended up holding Elrond close to his chest. "Are you happy?"

 

Elrond sighed. "Aye, I am." He was lonely in love no more. He was finally happy again.

 

The End

May 2004


End file.
